Why don't guys ever approach me or talk to me?

I always hear from certain people that I know that some guy likes me or thinks I'm attractive or cute but NEVER have I been told to my face, in fact, NEVER has a guy come up to me and talked to me. by the way I'm not rude at all but I can be sarcastic, I'm shy around people I don't know too. I'm 17 and barely graduated high school yesterday, let me give you an example, this guy that my friend knows, let's call him "A". A had told my friend that he thinks I'm cute. So it turns out during graduation he sat RIGHT IN BACK OF ME. I was like okay maybe he will talk to me , but he didn't.. At all. He just talked to my friends. I felt ignored? It's not like I knew him but I don't know I felt excluded, and insecure. It's an ugly feeling. I kind of let those feelings take over me and what was supposed to be a great day turned out not too good. I stayed up at midnight wondering what the hell is wrong with me and I'm just tired of feeling "not good enough" or "ugly" and even "unwanted" by guys.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • The most likely reason is because you are shy, and one thing most shy people don't realize is that OTHER people are insecure too, and because they are insecure, they also assume the worst. And in the case of a shy person, your actions and body language are not interpreted as what they actually are (shyness), but rather as disinterest, or even condescension. When you, say, don't look them in the face and smile when they talk to you, or look away when they look at you, they assume the worst, and think "she definitely isn't interested in me" or even "she clearly thinks she's way too good for me."

    And something you need to know about the majority of guys: they are deathly afraid of rejection. Being rejected by a girl they are interested in makes them feel emotionally vulnerable, weak, and humiliated, and those aren't feelings most guys are used to having, and so they HATE IT and do everything they can to avoid feeling that way. The end result is that they only ask out girls who CLEARLY and enthusiastically like them back.

    Your "shy" responses and body language make guys think if they approach you, you'll reject them, and so they simply don't approach you.

    The way you fix that is by learning to be more open and outgoing. Learn to hold eye contact and SMILE without looking away. If a guy you like shows interest in you, smile at him, talk to him, stand close to him, give him a hug, etc. Communicate with your body language and behavior that you are interested, and that will give him the confidence that he needs to ask you out, or if nothing else, just talk to you for a while.

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What Guys Said 4

  • Maybe you're in the "uncanny valley" on the attractiveness scale: You're very attractive, but most guys will assume that because of that you already are in a relationship, and don't quite make it up the other side in order to make guys say "No harm in trying".

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    • Now that you mention it, I'm starting to think I'm on the very bottom of the uncanny valley.

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    • Never been in one, actually. Guess you can't miss something you've never had, but it still kind of sucks.

    • Yeah, in that boat too. I've been in a relationship but it sucks when you're longing for it but it's just not happening. The waiting game is the worst. (and inefficient.)

  • If I think the chances of her liking me is slim for one reason or another, I won't even bother to try.

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  • Some guys like being asked out. Maybe they are intimidated

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  • You're pretty hot, guys get nervous around hot girls who are shy. It's just awesome!

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What Girls Said 2

  • Same here sista. You have two options: approach guys yourself or wait some more. You're pretty, I'm sure they won't take offense in most cases.

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  • He may find you intimidating. He told your friend that he thinks you're cute hoping you would break the ice.

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