Is this really immature of me?

If I like a girl and she rejects me, but later on down the line decides she likes me, is it immature of me to reject her and slap the "Let's just be friends" line on her, even if I still like the girl?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Depends on what type of girl she is and why she rejected you. If she is the type of girl who is a major flirt and strings along guys, then you did the right thing. BUT, if she's a sweet girl who said no to you because a lot of shit was going on in her life, stressed with school/work, not ready for a relationship, etc. and you still have feelings for her, then I think that was a stupid move. It also depends on the way the girl rejected you. Did she do it nicely, so that she didn't hurt your feelings or was it a blunt no?

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    • Surely if a girl is interested in you, she would make the time? I don't buy that. If a girl is interested in a man, she'll make time, the same applies to men with women they like. Also she was very sweet about the whole thing and I have no ill feeling towards her. In fact I wish her nothing but the best in life.

    • Awww! That's sweet :)
      But to make my point more clear, I'll give you a personal experience. There was this guy I liked, really sweet and funny, had the qualities I liked in a guy, but the reason things didn't work out was because I was crazy busy with school and other commitments and I didn't want to hold him back. I liked him enough for him to be happy, even if that meant that I couldn't be with him.
      Do I still like him? - yes, in fact I always think about him every now and then and certain things remind me of him.

    • Well that's a shame it didn't work out for you. I suppose you have a point and well whatever her reasons are/were, it doesn't matter now.

What Girls Said 16

  • Sort of.

    I mean...
    You're doing it out of pure vengefulness.

    How do you know she didn't do it because she was at the time and place in her life where she couldn't handle a relationship?
    Ex. Too busy, already in a relationship, just broke up and needed time to get over the person, or perhaps she needed time to see you the same way etc.

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    • Give it a shot I say!

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    • Why would a girl go out with a guy, if she doesn't feel she is ready to? You don't know her personal reasons. Stop being so bitter. Its going to cause u to miss out on a lot of great things.

    • You raise good points, but I'm moving on, there's no point dealing in what if's and there's no point wasting anymore time than I already have done on something which will never go anywhere.

  • What if she starts seeing other guys when you reject her? What will you feel? What if the plan doesn't work? What will you do?

    I understand you just want to take your revenge but take your revenge by being happy and having a happy life. It is the most efficient one. Don't be slave of your pride.

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    • It's not really revenge though as I don't feel any anger or bitterness towards her rejecting me. Rejection is okay! I just have a code where I ask once and once the response is no, I take it as a no forever. It's got nothing to do with revenge.

      Also how pathetic would I look if I went out with a girl who rejected me the first time around? That doesn't sit well with me! As I say, I hope she doesn't change her mind and if she meets a guy who she likes, then good for her, I wish her the very best, but no, I would just reject her and be done with it.

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    • Well I care how others call it, because I don't want to be seen as immature. It's like whatever I do I'm caught in a pickle.

      If I ignore her, I'm going to be seen as childish.
      If I act as I usually do with her, she and others might think that the rejection hasn't registered, when it clearly has.

      Nah I don't want her anymore, I might just ignore her for now, out of sight and out of mind as they say.

    • Things can be seen both way. Well will you try to make people happy? Because it is impossible you know :) Do your own thing. Choose the thing make you happy at the end.

  • If you still like her, take the chance. Life is short, be happy and you have a heart, use it! What does getting even or being mean get you? A moment of satisfaction that will pass. Think of your happiness more.

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    • I am happy with life at the moment, I don't need a woman to make me happy! Also it's not really mean of me is it? It's just the chances of me still being interested in this girl in even a months time is remote, so I'm afraid she's missed her window of opportunity, still there's plenty better men she can choose from, so she's not missing out on anything special.

    • Well thanks for clarifying it,,, I do think any person, man or woman, honestly, we all have egos, it's just better sometimes to be a kind person that be all about your ego. So if you reject her now you're even. And don't say there are better men, lol, think more highly of yourself and what you have to offer :)

    • I do think highly of myself, but even I can admit there are much better men knocking around than I am. I don't think that's me showing low self-esteem, that's just me being honest!

  • I think so yeah. I think you should be a man and pursue her. That's just my opinion on what I know of your situation

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    • Why would I pursue someone who isn't interested? I'd pursue her if she was interested and said yes, but she said no, so I cannot find a single reason why I should pursue her? It's just not worth it, plus it will be unwanted attention on her part and will make me look desperate.

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    • Maybe she wasn't interested then and now she is. Simple

    • It doesn't sit well in the pit of my stomach. It would seem off to me, I wouldn't take it seriously I don't think and the chances are I'd be busy trying to get with another girl to care about this one.

  • Yes, since you still like her, but i can understand it

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  • Yes.
    If you like her and she likes you but you reject her just because of a silly reason like the one you gave then yes, that's immature.

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    • I wouldn't call being rejected a silly reason and tbh, I doubt I will like this girl down the line. I tend get over people quickly, I tend to ignore them and cut them off, that does the trick.

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    • Cool.
      But if you were that sure why did you ask this question?

    • Because I don't want to be seen as immature for doing so! I actually think it's a legitimate response and I wanted to get other people's perspectives on it.

  • um no that's mean! :o this happened to me before I hate when that happens. this guy likes you and you don't like him, and then later on you like him and you don't know whether or not he still likes you and gets into a mess -_- give her a chance tell her that u still like her don't say lets just be friends and you still like her. if u really do like her then tell her your TRUE feelings.

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  • WOW, that's one hell of an ego. Daym. To be honest, I don't think you should go out with her. She has hurt your ego badly, and you will just be reminded of that hurt if you go out with her. So do yourself and her a favor and avoid it.

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    • You have a point, not sure if this "ego" as you put it, "pride" as I call it comes from or where it stems from, but you're totally right! I won't ever have anything to do with this girl. That ship has long since passed.

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    • She hasn't done anything wrong tbh and I have no ill feeling towards her, I'm just going to move on. But I just don't think I could ever be with a girl who has rejected me beforehand. It would feel like I'm just an option for someone wanting to "settle" down and well I think I deserve more than that, I think everyone does.

    • True. I would probably feel the same way as you do.

  • Mmmmm, I'm not sure. I guess it kinda would be. If you really like her then just say yes! Just not so enthusiastically that you seem desperate to be with her. But as if you didn't think about it until she asked. So like "Yea sure" or something.

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    • But if I'm not good enough the first time around, why would I be good enough the second time around?

    • Because maybe the first time she didn't think of the positives and only thought of the negatives. After a bit of time she began to realize her mistake and how she turned down a wonderful person and realizes your the guy she wants to be with.

    • Well tough! She'll have to find some one else. She's a fantastically beautiful person, so she won't be short of admirers.

  • no she deserves it.

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    • What makes you say that? (Unless you are being sarcastic lol?)

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    • Nope she wasn't, she was polite.

    • hahah ohh. how much later did she say she liked you back? like are we talkin weeks, months,..

  • Not immature, just stupid.

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    • I can see where you are coming from, I suppose I could potentially be cutting my nose off in spite of my face.

  • If you still like her then go for it. I mean u never know what she could be going through so yeah.

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    • That's unfortunate, but I don't see her giving single care about the stuff I go through and why should she? She has her own life to live and likewise I have mine.

    • Just my opinion it would be immature. If u like her then go for it. It's kinda like ur looking at it like a middle schooler. she stole my crayon so I'm gonna steal hers.

    • I cannot help how I feel about the situation.

  • Depends on why she rejected in the first place. Sometimes girls don't see what they like at first and realize it later on.

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    • She did mention the reason, but as I say I didn't bother listening to it, once I don't get an immediate yes, I couldn't care less about the minor details and tbh it doesn't matter, a rejection is a rejection and I accept it graciously and move on.

      Plenty more women out there to reject me lol.

  • It depends on why she rejected you. Like..if she rejected you because she had a boyfriend or had a legitimate reason for not wanting to start a relationship at that time, such as depression, then you are being immature, and you should get over it and say yes.

    However, if like..you lost weight or seomthing. And she rejected fat you, and is all over buff you, then fuck that. tell her to go fuck herself. even if you like her.

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    • I didn't ask her for a relationship, I asked her out, that's all! I have no idea what she said, as soon as I didn't hear a "yes" I just switched off.

      It doesn't matter, I'm over her and should she want to pursue anything later on, she's getting the "let's just be friends line" slapped on her.

  • I would suggest you to do what you feel best, if you feel you would be happy with this girl, maybe you should give it a go.

    But I have no idea if it is immature to reject her just because she rejected you before. There is a very high possibility, I would do it.

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    • But why would I go out with a girl who has rejected in the past. It would make me seem desperate wouldn't it?

What Guys Said 9

  • It would be perfectly fine if you were no longer interested. However, since you still are attracted to said person and you want to say no out of pain or pride, yes it is immature.

    Choose carefully which emotions you let dictate your decisions. They determine the path in life you will take and inevitably the destination.

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    • What emotions are you referring to?

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    • You raise a good point, but if I was to change my mind on this matter, I would look very weak would I not?

      I've always been a man who has prided himself of standing firmly behind his guns.

    • No one else knows how better to exploit ones weakness then oneself.

      At the end of the day if the actions committed do not match those of your ideal self then you can put them down as a regret.

      If however your ideal self would in fact turn her down, doing it out of both pain and pride, then by all means, do it. You won't regret your decision.

  • I wouldn't say immature. You where hurt when you were rejected. It is only natural to want some kind of revenge to even the score. The thing is, you could lose a second chance. Everybody deserves a second chance. I think you should show how great and MATURE you are by welcoming her with open arms.

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    • It's not revenge, at the end of the day, the girl doesn't have to like me, she doesn't have to say yes and I am not out come dependent.

      I've always lived by this rule of "I'll only ever ask once". Why should I allow myself to be a second or third option? Why should I have to wait until things are convenient for her? I care about my needs and I just couldn't ever ask a girl out more than once and I could never see myself being without who rejected me the first time around. My pride just won't allow it.

      What is a man without his pride? Maturity and second chances are all fine and dandy, but not the expense of my pride.

  • You gotta know why she rejected.

    If you went up to her and said you liked her, she would be pressured and say no. It's unexpected. She could just need time to think it up.

    It's hard to tell though. Im normally after girls who have the end goal of getting married.

    They need to see if you can provide for them, you're mature and you can give her what she needs. She needs time to think about that. So don't friendzone her if you like her.

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  • U rejected her cuz she makes u angry, upset, and hurt. In return, u take revenge on her and hurt her the same way she hurts u. Its a lesson to test her how she's gonna feel like to get rejected cuz she will understand the pain u went through by getting rejected. Its not childish, its make her understand how hurt it feels to get rejected. U can still get with her if u take the chance.

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    • Dude, she turned me down, there is no pain! Also I wouldn't reject her out of spite necessarily, I just couldn't swallow my pride and get with a girl who several months or a few years earlier I wasn't good enough for.

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    • There's no point harrassing the girl, she has her reasons and they don't matter now.

    • Maybe she have alrdy have one at that time. I think i wouldn't get with her as well cuz all i can think of her asking meh out now is all negative thoughts about it. So yas, maybe friends will do it.

  • If you aren't aware of her circumstances, I think so.

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    • Why should that be of concern to me?

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    • I like to be seen as a strong character and someone who is full of pride. I cannot possibly maintain such a perception if I was to date a woman who is known to have rejected me.

    • It takes high self-esteem and immense character and perception to currently date someone who rejected you. Think about that for a second.

      Personalize the yes's you encounter, instead of the no's.

  • If someone's rejected you once, I think it's probably best not to get involved. Not out of spite, but those kinds of things usually create problems sooner or later.
    Unless you're talking two emotionally stable, reasonable people. But you almost always never are.

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    • Well I have no ill feelings towards her, I think she's lovely, but hopefully this is the end of things!

      I've drawn a line under the sand and it's time to move on to the next rejection.

  • no she rejected you...shes having second thoughts about you.
    why would you be the immature one? Seems like she doesn't like you but likes the attention that you give her

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    • Which is funny because I've given her virtually no attention whatsoever.

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    • Oh yes! In that case you are right, yes! I did show her some attention. I understand where you are coming from now.

      But that attention will be pretty non-existent now which will please her as much as it will please me no doubt.

    • well yeah man she rejected you. usually for me if a girl rejects me but couple days later asks me out. Fuck no. She is having second thought about you. Its either you like me or you do not sooooo.

      I had it happen before where i dated a girl that had second thoughts about me and it ended her playing with my emotions and cheating lol. Dont go for it man

  • I would give her another chance, one date at least couldn't do much harm :)

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    • It's an awful shame I don't possess your outlook on life, it wouldn't do any harm you're right.

  • Yes you should date her if you like her

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    • So you could date a woman who rejected you the first time around?

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    • I am not in any position to tell her how to live her life

    • I couldn't agree more and I have every right to then put the matter to bed and reject her if she ever changes her mind. That's my choice and no one is in a position to question my decision.

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