Since we're not dating officially right now talking to other guys isn't cheating. Should I do this?

I've been dated my boyfriend for two months and he's a good guy. Yea he has his flaws but they're not even bad. I'm use to being in bad relationships or being with the bad guy type. A lot of my good friends who are guys always tell me that he's a legit good guy. But the problem is that I don't get that feeling with him. He's just my boyfriend, yea I'm attached to him and I like him but its not the same feeling that I get with all of the other guys I've liked. With all of the other guys I was always so happy or excited to talk to them but with him its just whatever, no excitement and I don't smile like I did with the other guys. But the problem is that all of the guys who make me smile are usually bad guys and just end up hurting me. He's a good guy and I don't think he'll hurt me. We decided to take a break til he gets back from his dad's in a month but I want to start dating other guys and talking to them to see if I get a different feeling with them. My boyfriend now tells me that he loves me and I'm going to feel so bad for hurting him if I do end up liking a guy more. But since we're not dating officially right now talking to other guys isn't cheating. Should I do this? Or should I just wait it out with him and see if my feelings get stronger with time?

Updates:
Btw we decided to take a break because we fight a lot since our main form of communication til he gets back is texting and we always take each others text the wrong way.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • First of all, this isn't as bad as you might think it is. I've been on both sides of this situation, and there's really only one thing you can do.

    Before you do anything with any other guys, keep in mind that there is no rule governing what "cheating" is. It's a judgement call on both his (your boyfriend) and your own part. If he feels that you're not being fair, or being unloyal, then it might be cheating, if he's not too off base... Then again, if you think that you maybe shouldn't be doing what you are, even if it's just having lunch or seeing a movie with a guy, then you shouldn't.

    Also, please keep in mind: none of the following should be done over text message. it's too impersonal. either call him, video chat him, or wait it out until he gets back. nothing less personal than that, it's rude.

    as far as the "feeling" with him goes, it's a tough call. In my experience, and I think everyone would agree, if you don't get the "feeling", then it won't work with someone. it's not that you're not compatible, it's not that you're not good for each other. he just isn't the right guy for you; he doesn't have the "x-factor" that you look for in guys.

    so, if you really want to know what to do, I would say that you need to break up with him. you don't seem too attached to him as more than good friends with a label. I know he said that he loves you, but that doesn't matter. eventually, this feeling of "no flare" will get to you and you'll really want to end it. by then, he will probably be even more attached to you. don't waste your time, and don't waste his. be straight forward about it, it's the easiest way to do it for both of you.

    then give it a little time. be sure that you were right about finding no thrill in him before you move on. going to quickly between him and one other guy would be a real slap in the face, ya know? Anyway, message if I didn't cover anything you want to chat about!

    Best of luck :)

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What Guys Said 6

  • Don't get me angry!

    "since we're not dating officially right now talking to other guys isn't cheating."

    No, it is NOT cheating , and it is NOT either when you're "dating officially" or married. Not even a Roman Catholic priest or an Evangelist preacher would say that. Such talk is proper to extremist Muslim imams.

    You're a FREE woman in a FREE country, not some enslaved wife in Afghanistan locked up in a harem , wearing a burqa to do the shopping.. link link

    Please defend your rights: you owe it to yourself but also to your daughters later and to any woman in the FREE world!

    My wife talks to any man (or woman) she wants to and so do I. Neither of us even think to consider that cheating.

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    • My sons' wife talks to any man (or woman) she wants to and so does my son. My mother and father, same, my grandparents did so, my brother and his wife, same.

      Nobody even thinks to consider that cheating. Making out would be another situation of course.

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    • "What's a harem or a burqa got to do with anything?" It's an illustration: considering talking with someone of the other gender as cheating is an extreme/ extremist atttude one encounters in some Muslim countries (not in all!)

    • No need to involve burqas or harems. That illustrates ignorance to me.

  • Seems to me your hooked on the excitement of dating bad boys, like a lot of girls are. Chances are your not mature enough for the kind of relationship that comes with dating a nice guy. Don't take it personally that's just the way it is. Your under eighteen and still in high school. Ypu don't have the mentality one gets when they graduate and go on to university. You'll probably end up breaking up with this guy. But don't do it this way. First make absolutely certain your not compatable before you break up with him. Secondly keep in mind you guys decided to take a break until he comes back. I doubt his intent when you agreed to take a break was to dae other girls. If I was the guy I would consider it cheating and so would most people. to hell with officially you guys are together even if your taking a break, especially if its just because he's away for a month and texting is causing misunderstandings. Cheating is cheating no matter what excuse you have.

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  • Young world...

    So full of wants and desires...

    I know how you feel, and in all honesty, your not ready for the life of a relationship.

    Love is a thing you don't want to miss out on, but love without lust is friendship.

    I can feel that you care for this guy, maybe not love but you do.

    He claims to love you, and that's the thing that has me kinda on his "side"...

    Being on his "side", I just feel you should let him down with respect.

    Let him know you have feelings for him also, but they aren't girlfriend feelings.

    Grow up...

    They say girls are more mature than guys?

    Right now he's proving that wrong.

    Get it your mind together, and figure out what you want before you casue anyone else more hurt.

    There is nothing more unattractive than a female that doesn't know what they want.

    Good Luck PYT

    Sincerely,

    A Loving Black Man

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  • Interesting, if you read my profile you'll be braced I hope for what I'm about to say.

    Female in general like bad guys because fighting and having that "yea I'm with a bad guy!" sense. It normal that when females are young, they like to hit it with bad guys that hurt them, it's just how females are, they get a good guy and go "he's boring..." hence the term "good guys finish last". Females, since the old days have always loved verbal combat, while men prefer to beat each-other senseless physically, it just how it goes. It's why empires came to fall, most because someone insulted his lover and he was protective and the female roared in aggression verbally.

    You're young (until your 50+) and want the excitement of a bad guy, you'll get over it and that's when the 'good guy' comes in to mend your wounds. One point of view of many, this isn't sexist so don't take it that way. Good luck with your relationship, I once read a book that clearly states females of every race ie "insect, rodent, etc" like to jump partners, but if they stick with one mate, she has a better chance with him than if she jumps from partner to partner, once again, gl.

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    • I object to your use of the term "Females", comparing women to animals. And don't generalize: SOME women behave like that, not "women" (or worse "females", the way you write it)

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    • Hundred thousands years evolution put that behind us: look up what "civilization" means

    • I took your advice, looked up civilization, thought it interesting you didn't know what you were saying, or even more, what I was saying. But hey, that's life, this is a website not you and me face-to-face. Object all you want to the use of the word 'females', you didn't join the military or kill people, so you don't (I presume) know how military talk. Go through BMT (Basic Military Training) then talk to me, anyone out ranking you calls like this "Hey Male/Female, get over here."

  • Personally, your boyfriend deserves better. I think you lack some growth in maturity. And there's nothing too wrong with that, your still very young.

    But know this, if you want to start dating someone else, your going to have to completely end things with your boyfriend. There's no going around it.

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  • i think that if you and him are going together or if you have something you should not try to talk to other dudes because you and him need to focus on what you and him have

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What Girls Said 6

  • I do not believe your feelings for him will get stronger. I think you should be honest with him and let him go so that you can move on and try and find someone who is the right combination of being good to you but being attractive to you. I do not think it is okay for you to "talk" to other guys and be out there looking for who else is around when he has told you that he loves you. I think you are in the classic situation of not wanting to let go of what you have until you see if someone else is out there to take his place.

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  • It sounds like you're in this for the relationship status, not the guy himself.

    And that's not fair to him, OR to you.

    If the person is right for you, you just have to believe you'll have everything.

    Don't settle for anything, you deserve the best kind of love you can find, not just someone you know won't hurt you. Love without risk, or you'll never feel real love. Real love is worth any pain it may bring.

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  • No, it's not cheating. But I would agree with others here, if you don't feel anything special for him, break up with him, it's better for both of you.

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  • Okay I am confused you say this is your "boyfriend" but your not "officially dating". if your not dating then he is not your boyfriend.

    if your not attracted to him, then end this relationship/friendship/whatever and move on. Don't drag this out any longer.

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  • theres no spark dump him. don't lead him on.

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  • Before you start talking to other guys and dating other guys I think that you need to have some time out to be single and also need to end things with your boyfriend. I think that you need to be nice about it and wait until he gets back so that you can meet up with him face to face and be honest. Just be nice about it and say that you are sorry but you do not see you working as boyfriend and girlfriend and that you would like to still be friends with him.

    It is clear that you are very mixed up and confused on what you want and you are just getting in to relationships for the sake of it and so that you can have a relationship status rather than being single. This is not healthy and it is not a reason to be in a relationship.

    You are still extremly young at the moment and imature when it comes to relationships and boys. I think that you need to have some single time and sort your self out. Enjoy being young free and single, have fun with your friends, keep your self busy and wait a while before meeting another guy. When the time is right to meet another guy you will know.

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