Question regarding Desi/Pakistani men- No Controversy/Racism Intended?

I'm 17 years old and I might be getting engaged in a few months to a pakistani man. I am very unfamiliar with the culture and I just have so many questions in my head... honestly there is so much I hear from people (most of the time, even pakistanis themselves) waving the "Beware" sign when it comes to desi/pakistani men. Now I, of course, in no way judge any culture or any race without getting to know it first... that's complete ignorance and im very opposed to ignorance.

I would really appreciate any help i could get on this topic. What is there that I should know about the culture? About Desi/Pakistani men in general? What should I be expecting? Oh and he is living in Pakistan too (born and raised there.) I'm going through a difficult crisis here and I would really, really appreciate some helpful feedback (honest feeback, of course!)

Please, no controversy/racism intended! LOL :)


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Most Helpful Girl

  • OMG my prayers are with you , I have dated a few pakistani men who grew up in Pakistan when I was in UK , I found it difficult even though I was born and raised in India , honestly 90% were perverts , selfish, opportunistic , narrow minded hipocrates , religious fanatics , specially when it comes to women they do not respect women. you must thinn 100 times before doing this. One of my indian friend is married to a pakistani guy , emotionally she is very unhappy (he actually cheated on her on many occasions while they were engaged , he got engaged to another woman just for getting British citizenship but eventaully got back to her when he got dumped by the brit ) however educated they are just be careful.

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    • Thank you for the supporting answer, I really appreciate it and you don’t know how much it means to me! :’)

      Honestly, at this point its very hard but I realized I have to stand for whats right no matter what. My biggest fear is marrying someone who is shallow, closed-minded and selfish because these there is nothing I dread in a man more than these traits. The thing is, I am open-minded, accepting and selfless towards people and I cannot risk ending up with someone who is stubborn, selfish and shallow… its terrifying for me. I am hoping for the best and at the same time I definitely have my guard up high. If he turns out to have wrong intentions I’m gonna have to cut the rope. I know I gotta stand for what’s right and I will no matter what. Thanks for the support! *Hugs

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    • That was a stupid answer by someone who herself is "desi". Of course it was answered with the very natural mutual Indian hatred towards Pakistanis. And to mi it up, she had to give it a twist of religious fanaticism. An advice worth flushing down the toilet.

    • ouch, reading all that you wrote hurts a lot but unfortunately its true, i m from Pakistan and i know how some of us can be assholes but there are good men out here as well, so hope you meet a good pakistani too at some point in life

What Guys Said 3

  • Well, there are 186 million people live in Pakistan according to wikipedia, so I don't think they all have the same mentality. As it has been said, now about your situation, truly you have the right to decide even your parents think you are amateur. To be honest I don't actually go for judging people right away because of the place they live in or by the choices made by their countrymen who live abroad that country or even in that country. The guy your parents want you to marry, I think you should talk to him or at least know his family first, that can also give you an idea about the guy. Because everyone can be judged by 5 people he has the most interaction with, those can be his companions, parents, siblings whoever. But because he is from south Asian country, I think most of those people have more family interaction.

    Although, I think your parents know better than us about your family because you are their daughter and in their minds they think best for you but they could be wrong. So, try to explain your point of view, I think they will understand.

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  • I think this question is nearly impossible to answer. There are hundreds of millions of Pakistanis each unique. I would only be generalizing if I assumed anything about him

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  • I'm desi. I'm just curious but how are you about to be engaged to a Pakistani man when you're only 17 years old? How old is this guy? Are you sure you wanna be engaged and then marry at such a young age? Especially to a guy who is of a different race and from a different culture than yours? If he's Pakistani citizen and you're American citizen, he might only be looking to marry you for a green card.

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    • The thing is, I'm desi but I was born and raised in America so i"m very, very unfamiliar with the culture. I honestly donno what to expect. And as much as I dislike to say this, this is not entirely my choice. SInce im 17, my family sort of thinks that they are entitled to make the decision for me since I'm supposedly not "mature" enough to decide who would really be the best partner for me. It's hard to get your say in all the time, especially when your age is constantly used against you. Yes, i speak up and voice my opinions and concerns but its not easy. Im trying to be as open-minded and sacrificing as possible... sometimes I wonder just how goddamn much Im gonna have to "sacrifice" here :/

    • Oh wow. I'm assuming you're Muslim so you should tell your parents that the daughter has to fully accept the man as the husband if she is being arranged to marry him. I mean that's how it is in the religion. You can't marry someone against your will so I don't think you should try to be "open minded" and go on with this if you don't want to. A guy from Pakistan will be so much different from the guys in America. Wouldn't you wanna marry a desi guy from US than from Pakistan. At least hint that to your parents if they really want you to marry early. A guy from motherland might not be as open minded, perhaps backward and you might dread this. I might be completely wrong though. Don't make any sacrifices if you see this decision as a "sacrifice".

    • Thank you so much for the advice, honestly. It really helped… it’s a crucial part of my life and I can't let my own life get out of my hands. Your input was appreciated :) Put my heart to rest

What Girls Said 2

  • I agree with a looooot of what "myusernamerules" said. I don't even know if the marriage is valid if you don't agree to it (in Islam, assuming you are Muslim). Maybe talk to one of the leaders at the masjid and see if they can speak with your parents inshaAllah. From what I understand people from "back home" can be very different and have very very different expectations with regard to marriage than people raised here. All that aside, 17 is super young to be married for most people.

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    • Thank you for your advice and thank you for taking your time out to write this! Means a lot to me <3

    • Of course <3 inshaAllah your parents will understand and leave the decision up to you.

  • What do you mean, you might be getting married? Is it an arranged marriage? Or do you know him?

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    • Arranged marriage :/ I honestly had very skeptical doubts and I never wannted to get into an arranged marriage but I'm open-minded and I understand there are positive and negatives to it as well...

    • Arranged marriage eh. What are you QA? As in race.

    • The only thing I know personally about that is a friend of mine from high school was banished from her family. (Her grandparents live in china). They said that they found her a spouse and she needed to return to her him land. When she refused it turned ugly. Good luck. I'm sorry you are going through his. It doesn't seem fun. But I'm sure your family has your best interest at heart and wouldn't hand you to a man they thought was dangerous.

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