I dont want to be defined by men?

I am 22 and I've stopped dating because im done with being defined and rated by guys, why should i care about looks and height and weight, im just done having to fit everyones standards.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • That's your choice.

    There's no question that wanting to be desired means putting effort into making yourself desirable. It's possible that if you simply become the person you most want to be, you'll find someone who likes that. All of us need to balance how much we want to become a 'type'.

    In my case, I think I underestimated when younger how much I'd enjoy meeting - in some ways - those standards. There was for me a little bit of sour grapes. Maybe not for you.

    Live in the way that makes you happy. To the extent it involves others, that involves compromise, but its your choice to compromise to get the benefits of doing so.

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What Guys Said 11

  • Well then define yourself and if you happen to find someone who fits into your life in a way you like it's all good I guess. I'm all for individuality. I'd rather not be boring. That's the last thing I'd want to be called.

    I don't think it's just men though, right? Other women try to define you, advertising tries to define you, Hollywood tries to define you, Victoria's Secret tries to define you, and on and on it goes. Same for us all, right? I made this choice a while back and I don't regret it. If you want to be part of my life it's a package deal and you get what you get. I'll grant you the same terms. That's how I prefer to live. You don't get a second chance so I don't want to blow this one trying to be something I'm not. Something to consider, I guess.

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  • so i guess you don´t have any standards for guys then?

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    • I do but i dont want to find one, love is awful

    • that´s something only disappointed people say. you will get over it :)

  • Be you, stop trying to fit others standards, and find someone who loves you for you.

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  • Whatever floats your boat.

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  • I feel bad :(
    I wish you get nice guy who will love you and take care of you forever... But first of all you need to like nice guys...

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  • so you're going to remain single the rest of your life

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    • yes :)

    • way to define bad women

    • Nah man, some people are better off single. Its not a law of the world that everyone has to have someone else, and honestly those in the dating game would rather have them out of the pool anyhow.

  • not even kidding, good for you.

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  • Good. More and more men are going their own way too. Certainly the more women who go their own way, the better.

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  • Here's the trick to having a successful life.

    You define yourself! You set your own targets, you live life according to your needs and then when you least expect it, someone may walk into your life, but you're not bothered why? Because there's more to you and more to life than dating, men and relationships.

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    • I know and i am working on putting me first and making me happy than others, i do what i want and i make me happy

    • That's the spirit and don't let anyone try and define you. Always define yourself.

  • Sounds to me like there's something else going on there - a latent call to your sapphic self, perhaps.

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  • We all have to fit other peoples standards if we want them in our lives. It sounds more like you just gave up, because you can't get the quality of guys you think you are entitled to.

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What Girls Said 3

  • Well nobody is defining you until you let. This is valid for every relationship you can imagine. Between friends/parents/colleague.

    You define yourself. And when you care your look it does not mean you try them like you. It means you pay your attention to your look; you are attentive person. But waiting to be approved is sth different. You do your own thing and let them decide. If they do not , then you still do your own thing :) You can't make all the people happy.

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  • Then don't. Fit your own standards and date someone who loves you anyway.

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  • My advice is always not to seek out a relationship. I was adamantly against relationships and one fell into my lap. That was 4 years ago and going strong. I say, you have the right attitude.

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