21 Years Old and I've Never Dated?

I've never dated, had sex, or been kissed. Okay, that last one might be a lie if you count the time some kid shoved his tongue down my throat when we were five. The point is, as much as I hate to admit this to myself, I'm unwanted by the opposite sex. At least for the most part.

Like most people with a good set of friends willing to throw white lies at you, I'm supposedly going to be a great catch to some lucky guy, but the truth is, I'm a wallflower. I hate small talk. I hate gatherings with large groups of people. I hate meeting more than one new person at any given point. At work when a new person comes in, they introduce me as 'the girl that probably won't talk to you.'

Everyone keeps telling me to stop being introverted. Just stop it. Stop right now, like I'm supposed to be kicking fast food. Come out of your shell. Get out there. I don't even know what that last one means. I have literally asked people what that meant and all they can tell me is, "You know. Just get out there. Put yourself out there." All I can think about is flaunting myself like a peacock. My friends don't seem to get it. I don't want to go clubbing, I don't want to go to the bar with you and I sure as hell don't want to go to that Christmas house party your boyfriend's friend from art school is throwing. Can't we just chill out on my couch with a couple of drinks and watch some netflix or, as dated as it sounds, play rockband?

I've only ever had two guys interested in me in my life, to my knowledge that is, and neither were any bit desirable. The first was this kid that just wanted to fuck, and the second was this kid who was a giant dick to everyone around him. Except for me. It was actually kind of creepy.

Like any normal person I flip flop on how I think I look on a daily basis, so asking me if I'm pretty is pretty inaccurate. Some days I feel like I'm looking pretty good, others, not so much.

My question to you guys is:

Is there hope for me?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • In theory I suppose there is hope for you. If you want to date then you're going to need to put yourself out there. Which means you'll have to go clubbing, go out to the bars, and go to that Christmas house party your friend's boyfriend's friend from art school is having. Why? Because how else are you going to meet someone? Your future boyfriend's not going to pop out of the screen while you're watching netflix, that's for damn certain.

    I know, I know. It' scary. Interacting with people is uninteresting and small talk is boring. I hear you. I'm the same way. I like to live on my own little island. And guess what? I'm nearly 26 and haven't had a girlfriend. Surprise. Nothing's really changed in the 5 years since I was 21 because I don't put myself out there either. If you keep doing what you're doing you're always going to get what you've always gotten.

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What Guys Said 5

  • Everything you just said describes me, besides the part about the guys who liked you. I'm not sure that I ever attracted any guys. But I really feel like I'm very much like you, except with a penis. I have no idea whether or not there is hope for you. Of course people say there is someone for everyone, but I can't say I believe it. To me it looks like there's always gonna be people who find relationships, and then people who just don't. I don't know if it'll change for you. I hope it does. But I do know for sure that you're definitely not alone (in feeling alone).

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  • Yeah there is hope. Maybe if you go to college you'll meet your guy. Or someone just randomly starts talking to you. Don't know how it might happen but there's definitely hope

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  • Never held hands, never locked eyes, never shared a straw here.

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  • be glad you don't have to approach

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  • If a guy wanted to "just fuck", that doesn't typically happen unless you are attractive.

    Everyone fits biologically to each other like a key in a lock.
    There is hope for you, you are just gonna have to be willing to sift through the genetic material (guys) to find it.

    I kind of understand where you're coming from. I don't feel comfortable in large groups of people, so on and so forth, but that's more of confidence issues on my part. I went to prom as a junior this year. I DANCED! It was the most I danced in years, it was so much fun. People were actually surprised that I was good dancer, and I was surprised I made an impression. But...I still have to grow by a lot.

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What Girls Said 2

  • I'm an introvert and I met my first proper boyfriend at 23 and we're still together.

    Don't stress yourself too much over it. And don't change for anyone. Introversion is not a bloody disease nor does it require "getting out of".

    The only thing you might want to do, is try approaching men yourself. If you wait for someone, you might end up waiting your whole life.

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  • I feel like you've just described my life...

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