He said I was friends with him when he was in combat?

This guy that I've been casually seeing for the past 2 years and I have had a very intense and tumultuous relationship. It's off and on but never exclusive. We fight and stop talking and then can't stay away for too long. He's always pushing me away and recently we got into a conversation about "us" and I called him out on something and he was surprised and I said "I know you by now" and he said "you weren't friends with me when I was in combat." And I don't even know what to say to that. It feels like another excuse to push me away. I know that's a real feeling that military guys have when they've been in combat but what do you think he meant by that? Why did he say that?

Wasn't friends with him *


Most Helpful Guy

  • Sounds like I need more background info to this. Did you both stay in touch when he was in the military? Was he deployed and to where? For how long? and what happened with you during his deployments? Need more info.

    • I didn't know him when he was in combat. It was years ago. He was deployed to Afghanistan. I met him when I moved in with him, almost two years after he came back. We were roommates and we bonded and started hooking up. He's sort of all over the map emotionally. Like one day he wants to hook up, then he just wants to be friends, then he has feelings for me, then he cuts me off completely, then he apologizes and wants to be friends haha

    • Sounds like he needs professional help. There's not much you can really do to help him if he's got some demons like that other than just be there for him if you feel you can handle it. He's moody and he's not gonna change anytime soon if at all. The ball's in your court.


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What Guys Said 1

  • He probably did some things he's not proud of that you wouldn't think him capable of.

    • He's told me some of the stuff and I always feel like he says it assuming I'm gonna judge him. At one point he even said "so if I told you I did [insert various war thing here] you wouldn't judge me?" But how will he ever get close to anyone with that attitude? I would never judge him for what he did when he was in combat

What Girls Said 1

  • So you should probably just tell him all your concerns. Present them in a way that is neutral so that you guys won't have an argument and just tell him that no matter what he did you will be there for him. Or the other option give him time to heal from what ever happened in combat because he might have lost a close friend or someone he had become close with in the time he was in for. Either way just present the options on neutral ground and try to avoid using confrontational/antagonist phrases because that just makes him feel trapped and cornered and he will lash out to escape that feeling.