How are you meant to work out if a guy is actually genuine?

I've been hurt in the past badly and I have got to the point where I'm bitter and insecure. And now when a guy comes along, I analyse him and I am so afraid of getting hurt again that I look for signs to see if he's just after one thing. But now I don't know if the guy seems genuine, how am I meant to know if he actually is? How do I know that he's just telling me what I want to hear?

I mean there is this one guy I've been on a few dates with and he actually does seem genuine but he's never kissed me either. Yet may compliment my looks here and there. But there's times where I question him regardless because I feel like every guy is going to hurt me. Then there is this other guy who I met at a club, who is younger than me but we have already kissed a few times and he pretty much felt me up after the second date, in the car. And I had a disagreement with him because I felt things were moving a bit too fast and he said something that bothered me. So I went to leave and he said "so it's over, you're not going to see me anymore?" And I said "I don't know" and I left. Then he texted me after saying "Please don't be upset with me, I'm sorry for what I said, I really like u. And I was considering not seeing him again but he said "Let me show u I'm not just after one thing and that it's hard for me to find someone that suits me".. He also said "Next time we don't even have to kiss or anything, I just like being around you."How am I meant to know who the genuine guy is here, what if both are?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I think it has to do with the fact that you're kissing and go sexual the second time you meet someone. I'd get to know them first, for like, an extended period of time, for example 4 months or something. I always found it odd how people expect to know the inner workings of another person the third time they see them.

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    • I've seen him at the club twice but since then had a few dates (the one I have actually kissed). So u would get to know someone for months before even kissing them?

    • Well the first time I ended up kissing someone I've been talking to the person for 3 months and I found that a reasonable time period already, or at least I was so infatuated that I certainly didn't mind. That ended due to external circumstances. I wasn't really mature at the time either though (I was 17).

      Then one time I managed to end up making out with a person whom I've seen like.. the second time. Stupidest decision I have ever made, I still feel dirty about it. We kinda had a "relationship" that lasted a net total of 4 days or something because we had basically nothing in common. And honestly, I kinda regret it, because it still bugs my conscience.

      Then my current relationship, well we had known each other for a *year* before I made the "first kiss" as a move, and we've been together for 2 and a half years. Technically, I didn't make a move until I knew it would be the right and mutual decision.

What Guys Said 3

  • Guys at the bar just want sex. Guys elsewhere are only a slight chance at wanting sex. The guy that felt you up probably texted you that and immediately went off to another girl. You'd be naive to think he wasn't "only after sex."

    But now you're at a point where you're so paranoid and probably just need time off from dating. Sexuality is very important overtime in a relationship and if you're so psychologically twisted right now to the point where you think everyone's trying to get down your pants I honestly recommend you get therapy. You sound like every bitter girl I read about in the portion of their dating profile. I don't even think you have a 50/50 view on sex at this point and think you're just one of those girls who thinks that sex is all about you and that the guy is just "taking things" away from you by being intimate with you and that'll psychologically destroy you to the point where you don't even enjoy sex for yourself. Hell... you would probably think that you did the guy a favor by letting him eat you out and giving him no enjoyment afterwards.

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    • It's more a fear of being hurt if anything. It's hard not to think all guys are the same. The guy I kissed seemed disappointed though when I left, because he said "so what it's over, you don't want to talk to me anymore?". And if he knew he won't get what he wants out of me, then why would he want to see me again?

  • OMG !!! You remind me of my last love interest turned long distance Facebook buddy... Im absolutely devoted and honest... and she's scared... the one that is slow to kiss you is probably in it for the long haul... the one who can't wait to climb all over you is probably already thinking of wants out of you... my advise... go with the one that has been the singlest and loneliest... i haven't had sex in 9 years... would you say im prone to cheating with such a tract record? ok... go with the loneliest guy.

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    • It's hard though because I feel more interested in the guy I have kissed.. is there even any signs I should look out for? that shows that a guy is actually genuine and not just telling me what I want to hear?

    • Ok... i re-read your info and i would say go ahead on the one that you got to at least have your 1st argument with... sounds like he was honestly sorry for annoying you... just make sure that you communicate your feelings openly... if not... it could lead to many many misunderstandings... my last love interest was not good at communicating... and it put my lonely ass on an emotional rollor coaster... good luck though...

  • If you're meeting guys at the club, there's your problem.

    Also I don't see the worry about the shy guy who hasn't made a move, he sounds okay

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    • hey! nothing against guys who have some fun. disgusting :p

    • Didn't meet both of them at the club, but the one who I have kissed, I did meet clubbing. But who's to say he's not genuine just because he goes clubbing :/. I mean I do and I'm genuine. Either way I'm afraid of getting close to any guy and wish there were signs to look for, to know if a guy is actually genuine. And the one I haven't kissed said to me he's not shy around girls at all, so I don't know, it's making me lose interest because he doesn't flirt or anything.

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