Am I shallow for refusing to date a woman if she has children?

As someone who is unsure whether he wants children of his own, I made a decision a long time ago not to get into relationships with women with children.

However I can't help but feel that I might be missing out on good women by doing that, but I've stood by my decision ever since. A friend of mine reckons I'm being shallow, so is he right?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Nah, it's good to not try to be involved with children if you don't want them. I'd say prudent, not shallow.

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What Girls Said 11

  • It's not shallow if you're not ready to be a parent, it wouldn't be fair to the kids. Being raised from the age of 2 by single parents, when I was really little, I saw the men and women they dated as sergeant parents. So unless you're ready to be a parental figure, don't do and it's not shallow. When you break up with the parent, you'll be breaking up with the kids too and they'll feel like it's their fault. Don't do it unless, you're ready for that.

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  • No. It is better for her not to date her. If you don't feel you can take on her children then that's it. You aren't obliged to someone just because of their feelings. You have a duty to your own life as well.

    Taking on someone else's children is a massive thing and there are a lot of other things that come with this. Its up to you, its your life.

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  • I dont think it is shallow; especially if you dont know if you want children. I also think that you could be missing out on someone nice as well

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  • No, because that create a big impact on your life. Kids are wonderful but if they aren't yours you should be forced to be around them.

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  • No.. I get it. I personally wouldn't date guy if I knew he had children... especially not at this age.

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  • No, I wouldn't date someone with children either.

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  • You could be missing out on something good but that doesn't make you shallow. Dating a person who already has children when you don't can be a lot. Especially if y'all end up getting serious and having another child together

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  • If you are no where close to share the responsibility of her kids then I suggest you to not date her. You would not only be wasting your time and effort but also her's. :)

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  • Not at all! you don't want to be dating a woman who always has her ex to talk about and is hanging around.

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  • I wouldn't date a guy with kids

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  • I don't think it's shallow at all, to be honest. It's understandable.

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What Guys Said 12

  • Men here know there are countless reasons dating a single mother is a terrible idea. Any man who unwittingly wanders into the clutches of one of these harpies is doomed from the start. Once she has her talons in him he’s stuck raising another man’s offspring and before he knows it, she’s off looking for an alpha fux (her ex in a lot of cases) to compliment her beta bux. A no-win situation for the poor sap.

    Single mothers make great fuck buddies. They’re unselfish in the sack and available all the time (watch how quickly they can find a last minute babysitter when alpha cock is calling). But making her anything other than a coitus companion is a huge mistake. As soon as she gets the idea that she’s anything more than a moist hole for your salty swimmers she’ll expect to be treated like a girlfriend thinking you’ve finally taken the bait.

    “How ’bout the occasional coffee date?” Nope. Bang buds are for banging, not having romantic little chats over lattes with.
    “What about watching a movie at her place?” Two conditions: 1) Her kids aren’t there. 2) It leads to sex. Bounce like a bad check when the dirty deed is done.

    “Friends with benefits?” Negative. She is not your friend and you ain’t givin’ her benefits. Leave that to her orbiters and the government.

    Giving an SM any allowance of your time, money, or attention only leads to trouble. Underestimating her ability to weasel her way into your resources would be a gross misstep on your part. Don’t give her that opportunity. Fuck buddy is the only status she deserves.

    As obvious as this is there are a lot of men out there who don’t understand that single mothers are damaged women that make terrible significant others so let me sum this up as succinctly as possible: a single mother wants nothing more than to trap a beta to provide for her children so she doesn’t have to.

    Believing anything different will lead to your undoing.

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  • Not at all. You don't want to lead her on if you're not going to get serious because she has children. It's better to stay away from her totally.. in a romantic way, I mean.

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  • He's correct to an extant, and you are missing out on some great gals.

    But, kids can make a relationship very difficult. A single parent may also have security for their children in mind which can distort things a bit. Well really there can be a lot of things that change when you factor in children.

    If you're not sure if you want kids there's nothing with not dating single parents. That's an understandable preference and nothing wrong with it.

    I date single parents , but I absolutely adore kids so its different for me. Just do what makes you happy

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  • I dont think that makes you shallow. It's understandable. Some of us want our own kids in the future.

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  • No. that's what I do.

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  • I don't think you are, no.

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  • Not all. Just move on and find yourself a single lady with no baggage.

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  • remember the quote you hear everywhere "think of the kids" my mother didn't when I was young and dated a guy that made fun of me from time to time and argued with me a lot. It was clear he didn't care for kids and neither of them thought about what it did to me. So if you like the girl seriously think about if you want to just give it a shot because being a kid in that situation is harder than most know. You're not shallow, just honest and that's smarter than you realize.

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  • No, it's not shallow

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  • It's very unlikely you are missing out on any good women. Consider how women get into a single mother situation. For most of them it was poor choices that got them there, and for many it was a choice to be a single mother and I personally have zero tolerance for women who are so self-centered as to choose to raise children without a father.

    There are few things worse for a child than being raised without a good father. It leads to much higher rates of suicide, psychological problems, drug abuse, violence, incarceration and a long list of other maladies.

    Is that the kind of woman you want in your life?

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  • Your not shallow its just preferences just like I wouldn't date a bi girl doesn't mean I'm shallow.

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  • Hell no you're not shallow! When it come to children women hold all the cards and men get screwed. There's no way I would go into a situation like that by choice unless it was MY kids.

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