What is the point of "F*** buddies/ "Friends with Benefits"/hooking up, if the chemistry is against you?

Either kind of relationship means "no strings attached".

Every time you have sex, your body releases these:

-Oxytocin: involved in breast feeding, and giving birth; strengthens emotional bond between sexual partners

-Endorphins: "feel good" chemical; addictive

In males:

-Vasopressin: the "monogamous chemical"; makes partner less likely to be promiscuous; "tells" male that the woman is "suitable" as a mother for his child.

So, unless you have a neurological problem (or you're a sociopath), how exactly do you plan on avoiding commitment?

Updates:
For men who think the Vasopressin is BS, I forget to mention it's more of a one time kind of thing.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I can assure you it's possible... look at all the people who sleep around and who manage to NOT want commitment with the other person. In fact take a look at how many friends with benefits end up with 1 person wanting more and then the other person NOT wanting more. It definitely doesn't prove much. Men seem to be better at this and sleep around without caring. It's the girl who usually ends up falling hard for the person they share them self with and not the other way around. I sincerely wish it was the way you say it is but real life proves wrong and so does past experience with guys...

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    • Repetition, Repetition, Repetition.

      And perhaps hidden neurological issues?

      Also, from what I've read, it sounds like the Vaso is very specific. When I say specific, its like a once a time thing.

What Girls Said 6

  • I've had friends with benefits and managed to not only stay friends with him for 10 years, but also not ever developed feelings past our platonic friendship and screwing him. I think I may have created a monster though, because after we stopped our "benefits" he humped everything in sight and has been ever since... He was such a sweet boy when we met!

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    • I'm intrigued. Contradictions are always fun to explore. Maybe you have a hidden neurological problem?
      Maybe he was never really a "sweet boy". Perhaps you opened the pandoras box of suppressed urges.

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    • Ha! A high functioning sociopath... Maybe that is me!

    • Frank Underwood is much more scary than Bateman:
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EDi7cRFcnnY

      Does "not feeling" make you feel ostracized, do you just not like it, or are you afraid of being the female Bateman.

      If you are a "high functioning sociopath", you have certain perks, such as a low heart rate in stressful situations. You know why some soldiers get PTSD and others don't (like special forces types)? They have this low heart rate trait. Same thing with some successful surgeons. I know a "high functioning" guy. He's a plastic surgeon, reattaches people's limbs, and he's damn good at it. He's a cool guy. He's also married, with a daughter, around twenty years now.
      So yeah, you keep calm, and in your case, enjoy NSA sex.

      As long as you aren't anything like HER, you should be ok I'd imagine:
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BGLU1YgWBgE

  • Simple really, It physically feels good.. plus there's something hot about "fucking" and not just making love

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  • I think this is my most favorite post of all time.

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    • ha, why?

    • because people say "no strings attached" but somewhere down the line SOMEONE is going to get attached. No ifs, ands, or buts about it.

  • What's the whole point of being in a relationship if there is no chemistry?
    Relationships involve emotion and sex and chemistry
    I'm not sure I guess men want sex so bad they are willing to sacrifice chemistry I have seen plenty of couples who have 0 chemistry

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  • It's easy to separate the physical from the emotional

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  • If you used that logic a lot of people would be married to their right hands

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    • Just pointing that out. I think you're forgetting about pheromones, and other stimuli we don't quite understand yet

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    • I'm an American, traveling.

    • Could you picture yourself being the "agitated and not nice person" at 2:26?
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CcXer15_vpA

What Guys Said 4

  • If there's no emotion in the sex it's really easy... like really easy. Plus some people you KNOW you don't get along with outside of that.

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    • Could you explain the second part?

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    • I've honestly never had that problem with a one nighter. Plus the less you know about them the better, and they're gone within minutes with no way to get back in touch.

    • Vasopressin is not extravagantly released.

  • I'm less likely to be promiscuous and my hand is a suitable mother for my children. *sarcasm*

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    • Don't look at me, I don't understand all the biology behind it.

  • I don't know the idea of friends with benefits scares me I have a girl from who recently gave me her address and said she wants to go down on me lol. never gave me her number just address lol and I just thought I wouldn't have sex with a girl I don't have emotional feelings for cause its seems empty.

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  • Obviously vasopressin isn't as powerful as you think, since men have sex without falling in love, ALL THE DAMN TIME in this world.

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    • Just pointing it out. Also, that may just mean that our bodies rarely release it.

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