Do nice guys finish last?

A little background info: I am a guy (21) and I've recently fell in love with my best friend. I do so much for her because I care for her. I would buy her food, pay for movie tickets, talk about anything really. We are very close. But the thing is, I do this to other girls also but not as much as I do to my best friend. Now the thing is, whenever I ask girls out, they say I am too nice. The fact that I'm just being myself, it hurts to hear that. It's like they don't want me to be myself. I asked my best friend out and her response was, "I don't look at you as more than a friend, and I don't want to ruin the relationship". It makes no sense because, she's now dating a guy who has a reputation of being an asshole and using girls for sex. She clearly sees past my efforts of caring for her. I asked her if she starts getting into fights with that guy, you would try and work it out right? What difference would it be if we dated and we tried to work it out also. Me and that guy have a fair chance of things go bad. How can she lose me if she's willing to fight for me? How can she lose him if she's willing to fight for him? Makes sense doesn't it? Its a fair game. But I've been turned down for being a nice guy from others. I am confused because I'm 21 and I've never had a girlfriend because of this told reason. I don't want to change who I am. But being single, having no one to talk to, or getting the chance to spoil someone with gifts and love of caring, really hurts me to a point where I almost killed myself for it. So if you girls and guys can answer my questions, that would be great!

1) She said she is afraid of losing me if we dated. But she said she will fight to keep her current guy she's dating if they start to fright. Why would she not fight to keep me then if we started to have fights? How can she lose me if she's willing to fight for me? How can she lose him if she's willing to fight for him?

2) For the poll, do nice guys finish last?

  • Yes
    8% (1)67% (28)53% (29)Vote
  • No
    92% (12)33% (14)47% (26)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Girl

  • 1) She's simply not attracted to you, but she is attracted to him. Move on.
    2) Nice guys don't finish last, no. But "nice" guys do, as well as guys who behave like spineless doormats. Nobody likes someone who's always passive, who never has a solid opinion on anything and who's never able to make clear decisions. That's what being "too nice" is all about. Being naive, and constantly following the herd of other sheep. Basically letting yourself be used just to avoid conflict and to "make" other people like you, especially the wrong people. What does she do for you in return of the things you buy for her and the things you do for her? If she doesn't do anything, then stop paying for her stuff, stop buying her food, stop buying her tickets and stop doing her favors. Seems like she's just using you for money and emotional support.

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    • Wow, your answer was something I wasn't looking forward to read. But I do believe your answer makes sense. According to the poll, it's 50/50 based off people's experience

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    • The truth hurts sometimes, but that's ok. That's how you learn.

    • i kinda like the passive type

What Girls Said 10

  • Your problem may be you are chasing immature girls. Immature girls will tend to go for the "chase" or the guy that no girl can have or change so-to-speak. Don't change yourself for any girl, ever. Your best friend may simply just not be attracted to you (whether is physically or emotionally). I wouldn't try to convince her to like you because that will just repel her away into his arms even more. Of course, her opinion of you can always change but that will be up to her... not up to you. Girls can tell you they are not into you for one reason while it may be for a whole other reason entirely... so don't count on it being because you're "too nice" (this is a load of bs). Anyhow, keep doing your thing and the girl that is right for YOU will come along and appreciate everything you have to offer. Keep your head up ;)

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    • Thank you for your words. This is really hard on me and having the side of girls will give me an idea on what I should do. 1 year going after her is too much for my big heart to handle..

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    • nothing*

    • Yes, I will try oh so dearly to move on. Thank you

  • Hey its me again :)
    No. She wasn't good for you anyways. Look, she is use to bad boys and you are a good guy so give it time and she will realise that you are AWESOME :) And if she doesn't than she is not worth your time! There are many others probably looking for a great guy like you :D

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    • Oh hi haha. Yes I am strongly considering your opinion. I do love her and no matter what I can't walk away. She can't walk away either. We need each other for support. All I wish is that she would give me a chance to date her even if it! means to ruin our friendship. Because I am 100 percent sure, it will work ou!

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    • I feel like I should take the time and talk to you now because I feel you can help me through this

    • I will message you and you can tell me anything.

  • Oh not this crap again !!! Lets be quite honest here no not every girl likes douchebags also the goddess of love rewards the bold

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  • It just all depends on the girl, casue with me no, I do my best to only date nice guys but some girls date a lot of jerks. So if you meet a girl that has only dated jerks well the saying "nice guys finish last" would be true cause your the only nice guy she has dated , so it all just depends on the girl for that saying.

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    • She never dated me. She only dated jerks (people who used her for sex, but she's too blind to see it). She is also a nice girl and not immature. But I'm starting to feel something is wrong with me. Being turned down so many times, well it has to be true.

    • I'm sorry that she can't see that you a sweet guy but some girls cant. I think you should move on and find a girl that will care for you. Meet a girl you don't know , the trick is to be nice and sweet but don't give it all at once. Get a girls number (again a girl you dont know) once you get the number don't text or call for 3 days this will drive her crazy the first day, the second day she will get a little mad the third day she will say I give up but that third day around 9 pm call and ask her out she will ask why didn't call or text just say you were busy then set up a date or something were you guys hangout. Girls want a nice guy but a little Mystery to the guy.

  • Nice guys do not finish last

    Shy guys finish last

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    • Awww thats hurtful :/

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    • Yep, this is correct. Shy guys do finish last. This nice guys finish last bs is just funny. Nice guys don't finish last, you're just not nice. I'm sorry but not being an asshole isn't the same thing as being a great person.

    • Not even

  • some girl will treasure you one day.
    lets hope you'll have feelings for her.

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  • No definitely not. They are thee best.

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    • I don't understand your comment... no the definitely don't finish last, but they are the best?

    • No they do not finish last. Okehy better

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  • She's probably not sexually attracted to you enough to think it'd work out. She feels like she's do something to break your heart. Also, you seem like you try to "win" someone with favors and gifts rather than meeting someone you click with and having them appreciate that.

    "You're too nice" generally means "I think I'll hurt you and the risk of doing it is too high."

    It can also mean that you're too rigid, sensitive or don't give her a chance to be real - only your fantasy doll.

    There will be other girls you fall for.

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  • Nice guy finish last depending on the type of girl/guy they are going for.

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What Guys Said 19

  • It helps to make your intentions known early on. I'm guessing that early in the relationship you didn't "pursue" her and ended up friend zoned. Instead of pursuing her you became a friend, more like a girl friend than a suitor.

    Don't mistake a guy who is more aggressive as being a jerk. Being more aggressive is not being a jerk, it just means he's letting his intentions be known. Sometimes being too aggressive can cross the line to being a jerk, but you are likely too far the other direction. You need to find something in between. If you are so passive that you get friend zoned right away then you aren't being aggressive enough.

    By aggressive I don't mean some testosterone charging bull. You can show your intentions in a nicer, more romantic way. But you DO have to let her know you are interested. You also have to do it in a way associated with men, not with women. By that I mean it's possible you are not being a nice guy, but being a nice girl. I tried to find a more diplomatic way of saying that, but that's pretty to the point. What you are doing might seem nice if you were a girl, but girls aren't looking for a girlfriend, they are looking for a man friend.

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    • I understand, I am her best guy friend because she gets the guy perspective on things

    • She might get a guy's perspective but that's not the reason you got friend zoned.

  • Yes we sure do. I am having a lot of the same type of issues. I might get 2 or 3 dates. But the standard answer for me when I ask for a 2nd date or so is "your probably the nicest guy I have met but I just don't feel a spark.."
    It seems you have to treat women like shit to make them want you. Unfortunately, I cannot do that. I can be a gentleman and hope one day I find a woman that wants to be treated like a lady should be treated.
    The thing you have to try and stop is all that stuff your doing for them. It makes you look like a door mat. If all of a sudden they lose their free meal ticket they might look at things differently.
    I have tried to make changes. I do see a therapist. I am going to stop seeming so eager to see them. It will be difficult. When I like someone I want to spend every free minute with them. So I have to force myself not to text her after our date to say what a nice time I had and thank her for her company.
    I will wait until the next day. maybe try and wait until she texts me. no more texting to say good morning and good night unless she is already texting me or we are deeper into the relationship.

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    • BTW... I was with my ex for 25 yrs. It is hard learning how to date again. especially since I never really dated when I was younger. it is a learning process.

    • I respect you answer, I now have something to think about between our friendship

  • I voted yes.

    It really depends on how you define nice guy. Based on how YOU define nice guy, the answer is yes.

    Doing nice things and "spoiling with gifts and love" are not how you get someone to like you. They are how you make someone who already likes you happy, and it only really makes them happy if you expect nothing back. If they sense you are giving to be liked, it ruins it.

    You're the male equivalent of a slut. You're giving everything away when getting very little back, wondering why it doesn't make her fall for you.

    It doesn't work like that.

    I could say a lot more, but that's a start. Sorry man. For what it's worth, its something a ton of guys nowadays deal with and are still dealing with. I'd say that society now molds guys who are basically caring and gentle into being "nice guys". And women, and society, don't actually want 'nice guys'. They want good MEN.

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    • When I said nice, I meant it that I TRULY care for her and won't let anything or anyone hurt her. Those actions I did for her are just nice gestures I tend to do. Can you please elaborate on more of your answer if you can? I would like to gather as much opinions as I can before I make my decision

    • If people are saying you're too nice, they're saying you seem like you cave in too easily, don't stick up for yourself, and just try to please them.

      That doesn't actually appeal to women. They want someone who they respect, who seems capable.

      They want to feel protected and looked after. Acting like a servant doesn't give them that feeling, because it makes you seem weak. If you can't stick up for yourself, they don't believe you could stick up for them.

  • You're with the wrong kind of girl. You'll always finish last with her, because she's shallow and into guys for money or status, not because they are in any way worthwhile.

    A nice guy will do fine.. with a nice girl!! Try looking for those instead of wasting yourself on this hustler.

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    • I wish to take your consideration but I am blinded by false hope she will be with me one day. I want to leave her and make her see what she is missing in her life. That only guy who really truly cared for her. But I just can't..

    • I know it will take some time, so don't beat yourself up about it. But work on forgetting her, whatever that takes.

  • The one thing I'll add that hasn't been said: never look to a woman for advice on picking up women. They don't know anything about the art of attracting women. In fact, they know very what it takes to start a relationship because they don't actually have to do any of the hard things it takes to attract someone. All they need to do is show up. Look at guys who are successful. Emulate them. In this case, yes, that means acting indifferent, apathetic, callous, etc. This won't necessarily attract girls but the ones who like you will chase you and the ones who don't won't do anything and you'll know not to waste your time or money on them. Unfortunately being too thoughtful and caring scares most women away for whatever reason. You'll have to change that or wait and hope you're lucky enough to find the well-adjusted female with a healthy psyche... who's single... and also attracted to you. Basically that's like winning the lottery and 99% of guys never have the chance to experience that.

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  • Remember that nice guys/girls finish last ONLY when they are dealing with immature and/or emotionally damaged men/women with poor self esteem. Do you really want to date people like that? It seems that this friend of yours has an issue with you treating her well. It seems some people subconsciously prefer being treated like crap. Find yourself someone that appreciates you. Women aren't all that bad!

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  • Yes, the do finish last. You are too nice and as the other poster said the male equivalent of a slut. I don't think the situation with this girl is salvageable, just learn from this experience.

    I was like you for years. Women say that they like nice guys who treat them well, but you have to look beyond this and see who they have relationships with. Look at who they sleep with and that gives you the REAL type of guy they are attracted to.

    Girls like the dominant guy who is a bit controlling and has had sex with tons of girls. So the closer you are to this ideal the more women you get. So next time you meet a girl you like, be blunt, don't buy her stuff and give off the player vibe

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  • Gurls are shallow mang. They go for looks even if he's a jerk. No matter their personslity, his looks make up for it. They can't look past a guys appearance cuz to have a relationship, one has to be physically attracted to the other 90% of the time. Dat silly naive gurl will when she got her azz used up and dump at the end. She will regret it.

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  • I comeetely agree with you. I may be young but I had almost the same situation. I was being turned down many times because I wAs just too nice of a guy and that they don't want to hurt our relationship and that they only see me as a friend. But the funny thing is that I had fallen in love with my best friend and she was not sure about her feelings because she was really shy. So we hung out over the past year and I ended up asking her out after homecoming. She still was not sure but after 9 months of being together we have grown stronger and closer together. So in my eyes nice guys don't always finish last. You just have to find the right girl to let you in. But that is just me.

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  • In my own experience, nice guys don't finish last - nice guys never start.

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    • And we have the really shy guy, as RBT just mentioned.

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    • I understand, single for life I should learn to accept that then

    • Not really, just be patient and don't be overbearing. She'll come around.

  • Nice guys don't finish last, guys with no balls do

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  • No. Guys who hit on very few/no women finish last.

    I'd say ugly men and men with certain ethnic backgrounds have it far worse than 'nice guys'.

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  • I don't think nice guys finish last, but I do think that sometimes it takes time for nice guys (or girls) to be noticed.

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    • Maybe it does take time, but I suppose 1 year isn't enough

    • I'm kinda in the same boat. I've always been a nice guy, and kinda shy. Girls have always only ever seen me as "friend material" but I've also never really wanted a relationship. That's until recently. I started working a new job, met a great girl there. we became friends, and have begun to "hang out" more and more. Met eachother family members. Do things together. It's all about meeting the right person. I see it as a matter of timing and place. I think that nice guys will eventually meet their perfect match.

  • Nice guys don't start and they definitely don't finish last.

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  • If they are insecure and unconfident, its very likely.

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    • You may be right also. She is a bit insecure. I don't know about the confidence she has

  • Nice guys finish last, great guys finish first.

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  • I'm a nice guy , and I certainly finish first ;)

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    • Life's just one big race to the grave. So I'm going to hang back and let you win. Haha!

  • Girls (esp. immature ones) like mystery, fixing things up and some drama. Also a challenge is important to an extent.

    If you really want an immature girl... you have to play it right... i. e don't always be available, don't make yourself always available etc. When guys just look for sex... and not actually care for the girl... this comes out naturally. But when you have actual feelings... you start becoming too caring and that becomes a turnoff.

    Basically such girls want something that is exciting, fun. a bit spontaneous with someone who they see as eye-candy.

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  • Guys who have nothing else going for them except to say "Well, I'm nice" are going to finish last.

    Know why?

    Because most of the guys dating girls are nice too. No matter how often you call them jerks. They just don't rely on their niceness, and they know how to be exciting and interesting.

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    • The thing is, I am exciting and fun if you consider traveling to places, going to new restaurants, city walks, all that fun (those are minor things I do, can't think of them off my head now). Unless you can let me in on what would be fun

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