How do I know if he is sincere? Why would he be talking to another girl frequently? He is known for being extremely honest to everyone.

In college I used to hang out and wanted to date this guy. He told me clear as day that he didn't want a relationship at that point in his life. Eventually I wanted the relationship and he just wanted the sex. He ended it saying he couldn't use me like that, that it wasn't fair to me.

Fast forward 5 years later..

I just got out of a 4 year relationship back in September and this guy started coming around again. He made it clear that he wants to date me. He has taken me out on dates to movies, dinner, to meet his family and spends time when he can with me.

He keeps telling me that he does want me to be his girlfriend but he needs to talk to his friend to inform him that we are dating first (I used to date his close friend) He says out of respect for his buddy he wants to let him know that we are dating first hand so he doesn't hear it from someone else. Once he gets that out of the way he will make it known and official that we are together to everyone who doesn't already know. (He also said that no matter what his buddy says it won't change him wanting to be official with me.)

We have been dating exclusively for the last 4 months but he has been nervous about having this talk with his buddy. I haven't pushed the subject but he is supposed to do it soon now. All of his close friends keep joking like why aren't you two dating already etc.

I'm just worried because I know he is frequently snapchatting this other girl he had a history with. I asked him about it and he laughed saying it was nothing and couldn't believe I was worried. He says that I'm the one he wants and that if he didn't he wouldn't be taking me on dates etc.

Why would he be talking to other girls? Is it because I'm not exciting enough? He tells me that if he ever felt that it wasn't going to work with us that he would tell me right away. He would never lead anyone on. Therefore, him saying he wants a relationship with me would be majorly leading me on.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You are freaking out for no reason. I can assure you if he's risking one of his buddies to date you he really likes you. I personally think you have nothing to worry about. He seems like he has been pretty honest with you up to this point so you should have no worries. One thing to add though, unless he gives you a reason to not trust him, if you freak out every time he chats with a woman you could risk pushing him away. My ex was like that and it drove me nuts because I never once cheated on her or even contemplated it. So my advice if you want to keep him, is give him trust unless he gives you a reason not to, which up to this point I don't think he has with the info you provided.

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    • Very good points. I had gotten burnt in the past trusting another guy so I've always been cautious handing out trust but I don't want to push him away. I had asked him about this subject this past weekend and he reassured me that I have absolutally nothing to worry about. He said if there was another girl that he would not be here right now. I asked if that if there ever was another girl that he have enough decency to tell me versus leading me on. He told me that wasn't going to happen because I'm the one he wants and no one else. So yes, I probably am freaking out for no reason. I just don't know how to relax. It's scary being vulnerable with your feelings.

    • It's part of dating and relationships. You have to leave yourself vulnerable to getting hurt or you will never be truly happy. He sounds like he is a good guy, and I believe that if he wanted her, he would tell you. He seems pretty sincere to me.

What Guys Said 11

  • He seems like a genuinely honest guy to me. I feel like most guys wouldn't risk dating their buddy's ex since it almost always risks the friendship. If he really wants to do this, he either doesn't really care about his buddy (unlikely since he's confronting him directly) or he really likes you and wants to date you. I would give him the benefit of the doubt and not worry about him snapchatting the other girl. I know some guys that are friends with girls even though they are in a relationship but they would definitely never cheat on them.

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    • Thank you for your comment. This is reassuring to hear. I never really thought of it like that. I guess he is risking a friendship for me. His buddy is the one who ended it with me because his buddy was still in love with his ex girlfriend. It was a few months of a little fling. Nothing overly serious but we did meet each other's familys and have sex. My guy knew all of this going into it though.

  • Honestly, he sounds like a good guy, and I wouldn't worry about it. If she's an old friend that he talks to on occasion. I wouldn't be too considered. As I've got a couple of friends whom I've been on dates with, but nothing would ever come of it now. Don't over think it so much, and just enjoy what you have. :) Worrying is like a rocking chair. It'll give you something to do all day, but won't get you anywhere.

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  • Actually you aren't looking at the important fact you stated earlier in your synopsis, you were his buddies girl. For a guy this is extremely frowned upon. It also says something about his character. just from what you wrote I wouldn't trust him to be my friend so why would you want a relationship with a guy like that. (question) Did your ex "his buddy" know that you guys had a past? what is he waiting to talk to him for, his reasons? are they in a dispute? do you still talk to the "buddy"? Guys don't really have girl"friends" unless she is a stone lesbian, an old friend from when they were young (no sexual history), a girl whom you met, and, "you girls" know if there is any attraction from her to him,,, there should be none. be careful with your heart I say. He seems like a guy who can break it. Have an emotional back up not a female most ladies enjoy a little drama. a brother or cousin or father. never run to another guy with your problems.

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  • Try not to be so insecure it's ok for him to have other girls if he wasn't interested in you he will simply go away. He seems to be a good guy oviously he doesn't want a roblem with his buddy.
    Just be patient and don't show insecure if you do most likely hi will get board of you me personaly if my girl starts to get gelous and possesive I walk away with any other girl.

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  • Seems like an honest guy.
    Everyone texts on the side sometimes the gf/bf isn't that talktive and he needs more so he texts a friend.
    You should make him talk to his friend soon. It isn't good to be secretive about a relationship

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  • guys can have women as friends.
    so Ask.
    talk about it.
    tell him you're a bit jealous
    but if it's platonic, it's ok
    just let him demonstrate that.

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    • I did tell him that this past weekend in a very mature simple conversation. He laughed and said you are worried about her? (like I was nuts) He is like you have nothing to worry about and that I am the only one he wants. If he wanted anyone else or wanted to play the field he said he would let me know first hand. I think that is all good.

  • I say if this girl and him have been friends for a long time now that he is just catching up with an old friend. I'm sure that if he says its nothing and you are the one he wants to be with you are just over reacting.

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    • Good point. He did say he hadn't seen her in person in a few years. They went to college together.

    • Then he must just be catching up

  • I would be careful... there us a reason he didn't want to date befor. No there is a reason he doesn't want to announce it not. Sounds like a dude that will say anything just to get in your pants again. Ask if you csn be friends with his other girlfriend. Then you will know its platonic.

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  • it doesn't matter even if he talks or even fucks other girls. it doesn't make a difference to him how many girls he fucks n neither should to u. a dick is different to a pussy. a dick can fuck as many pussies as possible n still remains intact unlike a pussy which if fucked too many dicks stretches n widens up so just chill n don't stress on how many girls he fucks as long as he loves u.
    This applies to all the girls.

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    • This kid🔌⬆

    • ollie 22 this applies to u especially. girls should be virgin until she marries. she should not have sex before marriage coz u r made this way unlike a dick. U know it does it feel for a husband to know that her wife has been fucked by half a dozen dicks n that too by a couple of black monster dicks. Her pussy will never come back in form. this will kill a husband. this will be a wound that will never be healed.

  • #1 trust him he's probably telling the truth
    #2 if he is talking intimatly to this other girl it has nothing to do with you and you shouldn't blame yourself for it
    #3 if you really like him wait it out.

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  • "Why would he be talking to other girls?"

    He's a guy, and he's allowed to have female friends.

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    • Even though they had a history together? I am totally ok with him having girls that are friends but the part that has me concerned is that they had a history together. Can a guy just flip the switch off from being attracted to someone and just being friends?

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    • Sex drive is usually associated with testosterone levels. Men usually will have, inherently, more than their female counterpart. We are not pigs driven by lust, we are just men. So stop being such a misandrist.

    • She can't stop. It's her nature.

What Girls Said 10

  • At the moment, he is this 'Nervous Nellie' about talking to his bud about the both of you. Probably trying to conjure up the goalies to do it, so I see some procrastinating problem with This. And he's being this Honest John with his buddy so this is a good sign he May be a keeper.
    He is taking you out, Regardless right now, has even brought you Home to meet the parents and so on, so in my book, this another good page that you can now turn in your chapter.
    He says you're both 'Exclusive,' but will Then make this 'Official' when he has completed his 'Mission still Missing in action,' and this is friend. Still, I am feeling some------Procrastinating.
    Here he is at this point (Trying to do this in baby steps for you) Snap, popping and cracking on There with someone from his past. Yes, you Do have every right to be upset, for if you Both are this 'Item' then what reason to dig up old bones? Most likely in his answers to you about This touchy situation, being you both are Not 'Official' just yet, he is more or less talking to whom he wants, even if it is someone he has 'had history' with.
    All you can do at this point in time, is drop it and not bring anything up again until you both are actually hooked
    at the hip. He feels it's okay, no harm done, and was honest with you... so far.
    It's not that he doesn't find you're 'exciting enough,' it's that he May have friends from yesterday perhaps and feels it's Innocent and no harm done. For now, stay cool, you don't want him to think you are clingy and this worry wart neither.
    However, when the day would come and you both would be in a Real Relationship, you will be able to have your say-so, for I am sure he will too, about who the both of you are even 'Associating' with. It's not even so much a trust thing, it's the principal.
    As far as talking to his friend, I will bet my bottom buck his friend may have heard this from another of his friends. If not, tell him 'Snap to it,' time is a wasting.
    Good luck. xx

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    • I agree with everything you said. I did have a long talk with him this weekend about the girl and he kind of laughed when I said it because he is like you have nothing to worry about. He told me he would be straightforward and tell me versus leading me on in anyway if he wasn't serious. That in itself made me feel a lot better. He has been single for 6 years so the whole settling down thing I think is new to him. He treats me really well and we do everything couples would do out in public. He will hold my hand out in public sometimes, we go out to dinner, movies and buy groceries to cook together. Talk daily phone calls/texts. Everything is going great minus the title. I think once I have that i'll feel 100% secure.

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    • Thank you and yes I plan to just go with the flow! Clearly it wouldn't have lasted this long if he didn't feel something pretty serious for me given the circumstances.

    • I do Agree, and something called fate has brought you this far... xx

  • All I can say is follow your gut instinct... Yes, as girls we tend to worry about everything but most of the time we are right... If he is a good guy he will reassure you and do anything to prove himself innocent. If he loves you you will be the only woman in his eyes that he will commit to... If he puts you first then he's your guy!

    All I'm saying is time will tell his true feelings for you and then you will know how he feels.

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  • Honstly from the first to last sentence i had the same opinion.
    He recognises that you are both mutually exclusive and is sharing you with his family (saying he is stating you are his gf, and bringing you closer)
    he would not cheat because you are an item.

    My thoughts why he has not said anything yet, is because he is probably making 100% dam sure you "are the one " [as you both are mature adults around the marriage age] before he breaks it to a friend that could possibly end a friendship.

    he obviously see's you worth loosing (possibly) a good friend over and wants to make dam sure he is sure of that.
    hence why he is shy/nervous/delaying/scared to tell friend.

    do what you are doing, DONT PRESSURE. if you pressure it will just rectify the negative parts of him and in his insecurities on voicing the relationship and then he may end it with you.

    don't bring it up unless he does first.

    if he has mentioned by the 6th month mark than i would ask again.

    have either of you said you love each other yet?

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    • Thank you for your answer. It makes me feel a lot better and it does make sense with everything you had said. I'll just keep doing what I am doing and be happy in the moment. The more time we spend together and memories we make the harder it will be for him to walk away if the talk with his buddy goes badly. We have not said love you's to each other yet but I feel like I am in love with him. I want to tell him that but I don't want to scare him by saying it so soon. The fact that I have known him so long and have that past history with him I definitely feel really strongly about him. Any suggestions on if that would help/hurt the situation by expressing how strongly I feel? I mean he knows that I am serious about him but I haven't flat out said how deeply I feel for him.

    • funny i am in the same boat in regards to telling a long term friend/co-worker i am in love with them [i've posted questions on the topic if your interested.
      Knowing now that you have not exchanged i love you's, that makes even more sense to me and validates in my mind, the opinions i have. Once he says he loves you " or "knows you are the one" is when he will tell the friend. I would say its coming up. some people fall in love quickly some people it takes a little longer. Respect and patience will give you a more desired result. I would show him through actions that you love him before telling him. To me he seems like the type to not want to be pushed too much and needs to come to realisations on his own. Be understanding/supportive/let him have guy time/make him lunch without asking/bring him a case of his fav beer next time you go see him, just because/ let him pick the favourite movie/ask him to do handy work for you[men roles: like fix a toilet]

    • if you have some spare time would you have a look at a recent question i posted, this is the link www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1061690-what-does-this-reply-text-mean

  • i dated a guy that was honest to everyone just like him and he said if i didn't want to be with you than i wont... that fact that he tells you that he does means something. and for the whole talking to other girls im sorry but he will talk to other but does not mean he wants to be with them, you will have to learn to accept that his friends will not only be guys but girls as well... it might take you awhile to get used to it probably bc you had a bad experience with something similar with it and if he is honest with you than i think you need to be honest with him let him know how it makes you feel

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    • I agree with you too. I did have a bad experience so I'm trying my hardest to not base everything off of that. I just am scared of getting hurt.

    • i know how you feel especially of getting hurt but if your always being scared to even try then how do you know he ain't worth it and through it all he maybe but he may not but these experiences is how we all grow to be the better person in the end

  • Look, he Look, he seems like a nice guy... And it's obvious he like you, very much... I mean, you dated his friends, and by dating you he is breaking the most important rule in the "boys code" (one shall not date the other girls friend, even if they are over) So... he seems to always be honest with you, you should do the same... Tell him that you don't want to be bossy or anything, but him talking with this particular girl very often bothers you...

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  • He isn't interested in her. Believe it or not, guys can be just friends with a girl they've had a history with. Trust me, he sounds like a good one.

    If it really bothers you, just ask him what they talk about. I do warn on prying though, some guys can get really, really turned off by it.

    If you do believe she is an actual threat, he'll subconsciously transform her into one. Don't worry, and you'll have nothing to worry about.

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  • Don't stress out about it. He had a life before you came into his. It's okay to have friends, male or female. I'm married, but I have a male friend who I talk to on an almost daily basis. My husband does too. If you are secure about your relationship with him, this shouldn't bother you. I'd be worried, however, if he has sex with her behind your back. Which I think is what you're worried about.

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  • This post might be old but I just seen it. However not passing judgement because we all have done things in the past but you entering the relationship wrong. For one it's always going be trust issues. U used to date a close friend of his it's a difference between FRIEND & ASSOCIATE. As women that's an area that we all should try to stay clear fe. You just don't date FRIENDS. So I'm the back of his mind he always going question your loyalty and trust. Because who to say another friend might come along and you won't date him. It's obvious you and the friend was serious at one point because he wouldn't feel the news for his approval. I think that should be your man focus instead of worrying about him on snapchat because it's possible deep down inside the " current " friend you dating don't Respect. A little blunt but I'm just being honest

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    • In my defense I did not purposefully try to go after a friend of my ex's. The ex also ended things with me in a horrible way and this guy talked with me during the break up to help me understand his friend. neither one of us had any intentions of it turning into something. It just happened. I can't help that I developed feelings for this guy. My ex and this guy don't even hang out regularly because they live 2 hours apart therefore they have other friends too.

  • Did you 2 have the exclusive talk?
    There might be a misunderstanding here
    Maybe he thinks you two are dating and are free to talk of other people

    Maybe he is taking you for granted now that he thinks he has you

    Mom not sure what is going on with these other girls

    Maybe he knew them before you

    It depends on what he is snap chatting I guess

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    • Yes we have had that talk. He says they only talk like friends do and it's not even that often according to him. He says normally it's silly snapchat things that she sends to more than just him like they aren't specific to him. I guess I don't understand how the point thing works on there anyways. I think it is who you snap most frequently during that particular week.

    • Like this weekend it changed on his list and she isn't even on there anymore. It's me then 2 of his other buddies as #2 and #3 now.

    • * I'm not mom

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