Is it racist that I dont want to date outside my race?

I have been on a couple of dating websites and had black men send me messages. I am not attracted to black men. It is my preference. I dont feel like I should date them just because they call me racist for not wanting to. I am very nice about it. But some tell me things like I dont know what I am missing. That I dont need to knock it till I have tried it. I think it is my business and my decision. I personally dont think it is racist. What do you think?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Nah, they're just whiners. What next, the equality dating police? It's not racist to not want to date out like that, no worries.

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What Guys Said 17

  • I've found myself on both sides of this debate, and my current thought is that yeah, I think there's at least a hint of discrimination/racism deeply embedded in there somewhere.

    For example, would it be okay if someone said "it's my preference to form close friendships with light-skinned people"?

    I think it's pretty clear that that particular sentiment is an expression of SOME type of racism, so applying the thought to people you'd date and potentially sleep with, I think that reveals that is is more than just an innocent preference.

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    • *that it is

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    • Comparing a black person to an obese person isn't the greatest analogy in the world. That said, I've found women who were medically overweight to be beautiful before, yes.

    • If your stance is that you'd never date a black man no matter what, then yes, I think there's a hint (or more) of racist sentiments involved there.

      I'm sorry you don't like my stance, but hey, you're the one that asked the question.

  • I think if you tend to prefer men of your own race that might be how it is.

    It just seems unlikely that there is not a single black man on the planet you'd find physically attractive.

    I know there are black men who are culturally going to be the same as you. I know that because I know more than one black man who was adopted and raised by a white family.

    So maybe you don't find many black men good looking. Maybe you don't culturally mesh with any. That is possible.

    But if you can say 100% there is no black man you'd date it seems like you are projecting a negative idea about them into all of them.

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  • Not necessarily racist, but more a preference. I'm white, but don't care for black haired women, white, black or whatever. It's in our DNA, and we can't help it. If you want to let them down in a solid way, just tell them that you can't take a big package (cock), you are just too small (vag) for them sexually. LOL

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  • I would just do what you want to do. You have no obligation to them.

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  • i don't think this is racism , u just can prefer a particular race for a particular purpose but this doesn't mean that u r racist however if u avoid black men in all ( and i mean all ) activities in your life then u r racist

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  • Whatever your dating preference is nothing bad about it

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  • Not at all. You're allowed to date who you want. Anyone who thinks otherwise is full of it.

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  • i think thats perfectly reasonable, im much the same. its not like you dislike the race, its an attraction thing.

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  • If you don't want to date outside of your race for whatever reason then that's your right to do so, but you will be limiting your dating pool and missing out on some great people.

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    • My decision. My life.

    • I agree wholeheartedly with that sentiment which is why you'll get no criticism from me for making such a choice.

  • Im white and I like only white women. You're doing the right thing. Let them complain.

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    • Are you afraid they will call you racist? Because if you look at some of the answers I received... they think I am limiting myself or they just come out and call me a racist. I think it is my life and I shouldn't date someone I dont want to or am not attracted to.

    • Girl, they can call me what they want. I still like only white women. I know whats beautiful in this world. White women are.

  • Yes, you're racist.

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    • So do you date someone you are not attracted to?

    • I'm attracted to all races...

    • That is your choice.. your life. This is mine. I shouldn't have to date someone I am not attracted to just to prove I am not racist. That is just stupid.

  • If you're not attracted to them, that's all there is to it.

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  • Only you yourself know if it is or isnt, its your own thought process

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  • not racist.

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  • yes i am japanese and I am offended

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    • I am offended that you think I should date someone I am not attracted to. Do you date someone you aren't attracted to? I think not.

  • Just keep it to yourself because there's no reason to be vocal about it and you know it could hurt some people's feelings. You don't have to tell anybody why you're not interested in somebody, that sort of thing is your business alone. Your problem isn't that you're racists, it's that you keep bringing it up with people when there's no reason to. I can't say I'm the same way as I'm pretty open to dating whoever as long as some basic attraction is there, but that's the thing- for me attraction is possible there regardless of race. For you it's not. There's no right or wrong about it, that's just how it IS for you. Whatever label somebody wants to put on that is horseshit. It's your life, you have to live it, and as long as you aren't going around hurting people's feelings or treating people poorly because of that sort of thing, you keep doing what makes you happy.

    Don't worry about the labels so much, but I would suggest not bringing it up with people because people can take it the wrong way/get hurt feelings over it.

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    • I have never hurt anyone's feelings. The only time I have come out and said I dont date out of my race is when someone keeps sending me messages. Then I have to say it for them to stop.

    • You still owe nobody an explanation or a reason. Just tell them no means no and leave it at that. No reason to bring race into it, no matter how many messages they send. It only leads to possible hurt feelings/probable emotional response. I'm simply calling it how I see it here. Some guys are already sensitive/self conscious about it and so if you say it, by simply saying it you are hurting their feelings.

  • It isn't sexist to date only a certain gender, so why would it be racist to only date a certain race? In the end we are only going to date the people we are attracted to, and we shouldn't be made to feel guilty about that.

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    • Your analogy of not wanting to date someone you aren't interested in, against someone others aren't interested in, such as an obese person sounds fair to me. Refusing to date someone you aren't interested in isn't racist. It is possible to only be attracted to one gender, does that make us sexist? No it doesn't, however that is the kind of half assed logic a lot of people are trying to use. It is stupid that people try to tell us we have to be willing to date someone we aren't interested in, to prove we aren't racist, shallow, etc. People have all sorts of things they are attracted to, and things they find ugly. Why should skin color be off limits when every other physical feature beyond our control is deemed okay to be judged by potential mates? When it comes down to it, who you want to have sex with is your business. If you only want to date a certain race, gender, or a person with a certain trait, it is entirely your business and no one should make you feel bad about that.

What Girls Said 11

  • it all depends on the mindset of the person... some can be okay with it and some can consider you as a racist

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    • isn't it my decision? So are you saying that I should date a black man just to prove I am not racist?

    • nope.. you haven't understand... what floats your boat...

  • I dont think it's racist. Everyone has their own personal preference when it comes to dating. You can't force yourself to love someone you aren't attracted to. It'll end up hurting both of you. I'm not attracted to black men sexually, but I have no problem being friends. I don't say I'll never date a black man because there's always an exception. It's just rare for me. Nonetheless, it's a dating site. You can't fall for ever guy that messes you. You have to be pick at times because it's your emotions your offering. No matter what they call you. They need to understand.

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  • It's not - here... because all you get here is white people. BUT in many other countries it would be considered a tad racist, that's for sure... (ad least that's the impression I get from people who live in cosmopolitan areas).

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  • A racist hates other races. Do you hate races outside if your own?

    Not being attracted is just a preference.

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  • It's personal preference, you're just not physically attracted to them you are in no way discriminating against them, so its not wrong.

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  • If it's solely about phyiscal attaction, than this is merely your personal preference and not racist at all.

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  • No it isn't. You just have a preference for men of your own ethnicity... you're not discriminating against any other race.

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  • nope not at all. everyone has preferences etc.

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  • I think its just a prefefence. Nothing bad about it.

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  • I don't think it is racist if it's just about the lack of attraction. But there might still be other, possibly racist reasons behind WHY you are not attracted to them. Not saying it's like that in your case, but it's always good to seach your soul.

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  • It's not racist at all, does that then make you prejudice for only wanting to date attractive people not ugly people you don't find attractive? Does it make you sexist to only be attracted to a certain gender? Does it make you prejudice to only like brunettes or redheads? Does it make you prejudice to only be attracted to blue eyes? The answer is no.. You can't help feeling attraction for a certain person or we wouldn't have heart break situations or crushes if we can pick and choose. Another guy said it's racist and gave an example of friendships which is unrelated, relationships and dating depend on natural attraction and friendships don't, friendships only rely on common interests and a match of personality.

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    • Thanks... you notice I ask him if he would date an obese person. I promise you he wouldnt. Why? because he isn't attracted to them.

    • Exactly. I also notice that if a black person or other non white only dates inside their race or isn't attracted to white people or another race it's more acceptable because of culture and values but if a white person says they're not attracted to a certain race they're huge racists suddenly

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