How do I get back into the dating scene?

Majority of guys are just after hookups or one night stands, right now I'm off sex so guys lose interest with me. Fed up being lonely but grown attached to the idea I may live out to my old age alone. Is it me that's the problem?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • It's smart not to be into hook-ups/ONS/FWB if what you really want is a real relationship, BUT, almost no guy is interested in a sexless relationship either. I'm unclear what you mean when you say you are "off sex", but this is what I tell most girls:

    Make it a rule for yourself that you don't have sex outside of official, committed relationships, and make that rule widely known about you, especially to guys who are interested in dating you. Most guys will lose interest, because sex is all they wanted. A few "player types" will try to get you to break your rule and have casual sex, and you have to kick them to the curb. The guys who are really interested in a relationship with you will be happy to wait a little while, until you've established the relationship, for sex.

    The reason this is hard for so many girls is because when an attractive guy shows interest in them, they get afraid to "lose" him by refusing casual sex, so they give in, and of course, get used just for sex. Then they resent all guys, when really, they were the ones who broke their own rule. If you have the strength to stand behind your rule, even if it means letting a guy you are really attracted to (but who only wants sex) go, then the chances if you having a good relationship go way up.

    Also, you STILL have to make an effort to find guys, which means meeting a lot of them and getting to know the better candidates. You can't sit at home alone and get a BF - you have to go out and make an effort. Think about it like you would if you were hiring an employee for an important job: you'd get several hundred resumes, interview 20 of the best ones, bring 5 or 6 back for a second interview, and finally prepare offers for the top 2 candidates (one as a backup). You could look at that as a "sub 1% success rate" or you can look at it as doing a lot of work to find the best person for the job.

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What Guys Said 4

  • No, the problem is the majority of guys, the majority of girls, and hook-up culture generally. Due to the notion of "sexual liberation", there are tons of girls giving away sex like candy, which persuades men into thinking that chasing sex and nothing but sex is a viable option for them, which means that the majority of men tend not to stick around in relationships with women who do not have sex with them early on in a relationship, which means that women are basically forced to choose between having sex with lots of men to try to find the one out of many relationships that have long-term promise (hopefully before they are forced to live as single mothers) or not having sex with lots of men and greatly magnifying their chances of dying alone, which means that "sexual liberation" has effectively forced women into a kind of sexual slavery.

    The best that we freedom-lovers can do to avoid dying alone is learn how to avoid the players, flakes, sluts, an other undesirables as well as we can. To that end, it helps to meet people at the more innocent venues -- i. e., do not bother meeting people at bars, night clubs, and so on -- and learn how to filter out people based on character traits that correlate with playing games (such as "confidence", which is just a deceptive presentation 99% of the time) or that correlate with flakiness or... and then, with the few people that remain, make it clear to them from the beginning that we have a fixed timetable on when we will even begin to consider doing something sexual with them, where the waiting period is sufficiently long that any players who didn't get filtered out before will nonetheless walk away unrewarded.

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  • That's a bad mindset to have. I don't want a hookup or one night stand. I want a relationship. But girls go after the players who want only to hookup because those guys aren't afraid to approach.

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  • Just keep looking. I bet you'll find a guy you really like in time :)

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  • Saying that guys aren't interested in relationships is like saying that girls aren't interested in sex. It's not true. But you have to work for it. It won't fall into your lap sorry. Guys are no more desperate for relationships than girls are for sex

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What Girls Said 1

  • There may be a lot of guys looking for a casual relationship, but there are just as many looking for a committed relationship. Someone will come along when you least expect it. I'm not sure where you are meeting these fellas, but maybe switch up where you hang out.

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