Is my boyfriend using backpacking and joining the marines as an excuse to break-up?

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 4-yrs, and lately he has been telling me that he wants to quit his job, and go on a long backpacking trip that he isn't really sure how long he will potentially be away. The trip can be done in 2-weeks if he were to go hiking 16-miles everyday, but he doesn't want to do that. On top of that, he tells me that he officially wants to join the marines, which is great for him, and I completely support him on that decision, but with all this news he's been telling me, he often keeps bringing up the fact that he thinks I will not wait those long period of times he's out backpacking or training for the marines for him. I have reassured him, but he has me questioning him as if this may be an excuse for him to break-up with me. Why? Well why bring up the idea of me not waiting for him while he's away, the same can be true for him as well. He also responds with "I don't know," as if he's not trusting of me when he'd be gone for that time period. I know my feelings won't change for him considering the time we've spent together, but it has me wondering if he feels otherwise. Any opinions? Please respond respectively, ty.


Most Helpful Guy

  • 16 miles a day isn't a big deal on an established trail on relatively flat ground, provided you're in decent shape. But 16 miles a day cross-country, or in terrain where you have to deal with obstacles, is very unrealistic and probably dangerous.

    Anyway, the vast majority of relationships, including marriages (where presumably the commitment is considerably deeper), don't survive the military. Having your partner gone for many months at a time, often with little or no way to communicate, is incredibly difficult and stressful, and that's not even mentioning the possibility of injury or even death that can happen just in training, much less deployment. Most people cannot sustain the connection and commitment when they are apart that long, and either lose interest, or feel their needs are so unfulfilled that they seek comfort with someone else (aka: they cheat).

    Honestly, if he wants to go off and have all these adventures without you, you are much better off breaking up with him now and finding a guy to be with who wants a lifestyle that is much more compatible with the kind you want, and who will be able to actually spend significant amounts of time with you. There's no reason to live through a miserable LDR for years only to break up then - that's a huge waste of a big portion of your life.

    Break-ups are never easy, but the purpose of a relationship is to be TOGETHER. Clearly, he has other priorities.


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What Guys Said 2

  • Well he made a choice than unfortanetly is very dangerous so I found he is putting his life on the line just so he has an excuse to dump you. That seems very extreme I think he is being honest with you and its an honest concern that can a relationship last a year on then 9 months off.

  • Well, I'm not sure if he wants to break up with you, but I very much doubt that is his incentive to join the Marines. It is a legitimate concern, as a Marine he will be gone for long periods of time if he gets deployed and he will always be at risk for serious injury or death which can be very taxing on the one's he loves. As far as the backpacking goes, I consider myself a pretty experienced hiker and climber but even when I wasn't 16 miles a day was a pretty easy pace not taking the terrain into consideration. If I were you I would talk to him about it, ask him how he feels about all this. Hope this helps!


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