Where do you draw the line between acting like a "player", and being yourself, to attract the women you want?

The way I understand it, is that acting like "a player" attracts the wrong women overall, if you are looking for more.

Of course, if you are yourself, you should theoretically attract compatible women. So.. where do you draw the line?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Just be real with her. That's it. If you're an ass or a good guy. It doesn't matter. It's the realness that matters. Some girls like assholes as much as the good guy. So you might as well just be yourself.

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What Girls Said 2

  • You make it clear what your looking for. But harmless flirting doesn't matter. It's the way people socialize

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    • "what your looking for".

      You talking about the theoretical girl?

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    • Make it clear what I;m looking for in the relationship and the girl?

    • Yh. The best kind of relationship (for me personally) is when both parties know what they want. If the wrong comes ur way and u don't like it, tell her to bug off.

  • What if yourself is just a player and there is no line, that's just you?
    Serious question.

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    • When I say act as a player, I mean carry myself and act accordingly. What if the girl is one I'm interesting in getting to know, and I get shut down because I didn't act right?

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    • how so?

    • Okay well if you mean the 'not in front of me thing' it applies to me as well. Then again i'm not sure what we're becoming but unless we're official i don't have to give up anything. I do like him enough to just be with him though, but he's not completely aware of that. Plus it's a little bit more complicated for various reasons.

What Guys Said 9

  • I've never found any attraction in playing to attract a woman. No point in being so when you can't surely maintain it throughout. Reality is bound to show at some point of time. I believe in being myself right from day zero :)

    There is no thumb rule theory to attracting the right woman or man. If it's got to happen it will

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  • It doesn't attract the wrong girls. You know why players get so much shit from women? Because women fall for them.

    When I followed women's advice of going on loads of dates, being friends with girls first, taking things slow, being a good guy, not pushing for sex, they never fancied me, even the so-called "good girls".

    When I tried to sleep with them quickly they either rejected me or they shagged me then they pursued a relationship with me. That's just how it works. They'll tell you otherwise though. My girlfriend says she likes nice guys yet we met online, and she wrote to me first along with several others. On my profile I purposely sounded like an arrogant prick. When I had my nice guy profile? Very rarely would a girl respond.

    What's your idea of acting like a player anyway?

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    • High emotional awareness of the women, only says as much as necessary?

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    • ha... I had a feeling you might say that. I well aware, but the causes of the chemicals that make you happy are far more complicated than a sexual Oxcytocin or Vasopressin release.

    • I don't just mean just for casual sex. Every girlfriend I've had I've fucked by the second date. If it went any longer than that usually they end up saying they just want to be friends, then you find out they fucked some other guy and got with him instead. When they're really attracted to you they'll have sex quickly - it takes most women about a minute of meeting you to decife whether you're fuckworthy or not, all you have to do is not fuck it up from there. A guy with your attitude (don't wanna sleep wjth them quickly because don't want casual) will bore them. They want to be fucked.

  • I draw the line by saying fuck it and just being myself and not giving a fuck who I attract...

    ... Fuck.

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    • Thereby being attractive

  • It's a gradual phase out. The player thing only lasts during the initial attraction phase. Once you pass into building rapport, it should go away. If she's the wrong type, you'll know at this point because she'll get bored and actually be less into you.

    The ideal personality type is zero bullshit from day 1. If you get one of those, drop the player thing immediately. It's a waste of time :).

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    • I know I specifically used the "player", but what exactly is "the player" thing?

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    • Practice on people I don't give a f*** about romantically? You've got to be kidding me. That can't end well.

    • It's up to you. You want to just hope for the best when you meet that 10 and you can't tell if she's a good girl or a bad girl?

  • Being yourself is all about being thirsty and unfullfilled but whereas a player is someone who pretends he knows all the answers even before knowing whats the questions in first place..

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    • Thirsty and unfulfilled? Pretends?

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    • goodbye

    • good luck.. :)

  • read "models: how to attract women through honesty" by Mark Manson

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    • I was hoping this would be an online article

    • still try and read it. It'll give you broader perspective on everything

  • There's a difference between being a player, and putting on a face. From experience I can tell you the act can't be kept up forever. I say be yourself, even if it means hurting the batting average.

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    • I'm asking about the way a player carries himself

    • Well, there's nothing wrong with improving your posture and body language. That will help you universally.

  • No line. There's simply what works, and what doesn't. "Being yourself" is whatever you chose.

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    • Would you mind elaborating on that?

    • People can change. If you need to change to get women, and you want to have women in your life, change. It's not a "be yourself!" issue. That's what girls tell guys they dumped/turned down, lol.

    • Isn't it more a matter of "enhancing" yourself with what works?

  • I just be me lol, they like.. or not, doesn't really matter

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