My mom does not want me to date until marriage... and it sounds reasonable?

I turned 18 years old this May, and am a heterosexual, healthy male.

I am not a mama's boy, and although I respect and love her, I make my own decisions and am able to follow own path.
I just need a third party opinion.

Last night I had a conversation with my mom about dating girls (for I am officially an independent individual), and she said, "God will give your perfect fit when you're ready, so don't go out of your way searching for / chasing girls."

This translates to no dating until marriage...
you might be thinking "What? how is dating until marriage even possible?"

My parents were paired up by the church (and they married without dating).

Now they've been married for 20+ years and they are very happy.

And there are numerous other cases in which the church paired up a couple and they are happy for decades (as far as I know, out of hundreds of couples arranged by the church- 0% divorce rate).

Ostensibly, it seems very illogical and dumb to marry someone without getting to know that person, but at the same time, zero divorce rate? There must be something there.

What are you thoughts? Is no-dating-until-marriage even an option?

P. S. My parents were NOT unattractive people desperate for marriage. They both graduated from top university and had decent income when the marriage was arranged. They dated many times before they became religious.

Updates:
*NO dating until marriage" sorry.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Is it an option for whom? For you? Sure, why not. Your life, your choices.

    My personal opinion? Absolutely not. To begin with, I'm not religious, not part of the church, and an atheist. So I dont believe there are any gods guiding people toward or away from me for marriage or other purposes. And I also think it's incredibly stupid to marry someone you don't know and with whom you haven't pursued a relationship. At first, I thought you meant you wouldn't consider dating until you were at the point of marriage, and the church would match you up. Still not my taste, but that's not quite as stupid as not dating someone at all, and marrying whomever the church hands you.

    I take human relationships a bit more seriously than that and a basic understanding of human psychology and relationships prevents me from ever accepting arranged marriages as a good thing for my own life. Also, just because you aren't divorced doesn't mean you have a well rounded, good marriage or that you're happy. (I don't know your parents, so I won't speak on them. ) My parents aren't divorced and there is so much I see in their marriage that I wouldn't want for my own.

    I like to choose according to my own "heart". I want something organic, intelligent, and natural when and if I do get married. I want emotional intimacy and depth, intellectual connection, shared values, compatible visions of what we want from life in many aspects, open and fluid communication, compatible senses of humor and personalities and interests, compatible lifestyles, and sexual compatibility is important to me as well... These are things that can take a while to realize and develop naturally. I would NEVER commit to a marriage contract and wait months/years to find out what I'll wish I had known before, what I think is important to know before marrying anyone.

    And god help you if you start a family before truly knowing your partner. Oh wait, I'm an atheist. Well, then I guess you're just fucked. :D

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What Girls Said 5

  • I don't think that's reasonable. They got lucky. What if you get paired with someone you hate? What then? I'm a Christian and I struggle to understand where they are coming from.

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  • I mean some parents wish the can control their kids and make them wait for a long time to date, get married, be sexuality active, etc. I do think they have a right when their kids are minors but when you're 18 you legally are an adult and have the choice to do as you will. In the end it's all up to you really.

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  • I would say do what it is that feel that you want to do. I think what happened with your parents seems cool but in my opinion I would like to get to know the person before getting married.

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  • This makes sense if we were in Jesus time. You don't have to not date, just don't bone any girls. Your mom doesn't know what is like to go on dates apparently. But do what you want, is your life anyway.
    Don't try to please your parents and you be unhappy. Dating can be innocent you know.

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  • Well my foster parents are like yours the church married them and I'm 21 and they talked to me about doing the same but I wanna get to know someone before I marry them cause what if they aren't the one for me and plus there's a lot to explore out in the world, so I say it's all about how you feel, if you want to have someone find you a person to marry then go with the church but if you want to find a girl yourself then go find her (:

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What Guys Said 2

  • First you do understand you don't date after marriage right and even in arranged marriages you still have to get to know the person before you marry. Even in arranged marriages you still have to like the girl and you are the ones saying the vows and you are the one who needs to keep them. One last thing there is a different between arranged marriages and having someone find you a partner to date instead of coating.

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  • It's like this: you know the best thing about the ONLY dessert you've ever had? It's also the best you've ever had. Why would you EVER give up that dessert?

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    • Anyway this plan works but you have to make sure the girl is just like you or you'll get taken advantage of.

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