Is online dating worth trying?

I've not long broken up with my ex and don't intend on dating again anytime soon but, as I'm so shy and find it hard talking to guys, I was wondering whether online dating was any good.

I don't know if anybody here has tried it but are there a good selection of people there, and have you ever had any luck? I'm not expecting miracles but I'm hoping it would be a good place to try to find somebody whenever I feel like trying again. I'm not really picky or anything like that, I'd just be hoping to meet some nice guys with the same interests and see how things go :)

Thanks for your help! :)


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Because you're attractive your inbox is going to be crammed full with messages that are just "hi" and "wanna ****?" If you were merely average it would be crammed full of mostly the former. You'll be forced to sift through them, and will likely do so first by profile photo (as everyone does), which will inevitably lead you to contact the same guys every other girl in your area is contacting.

    Online dating has its place, especially as you get older and the dating pool has shrunk to the point that it's unlikely you will run into potential partners in your day-to-day life. It's a good way to target people with specific values or interests that you have a higher chance of getting along with, but it's still requires a lot of effort for a very uncertain reward. For every success story there are plenty of failures, and even some outright disasters. My uncle was badly used by a woman he met through a dating site. It's his own fault IMO, but it's still a consequence of trying to start a relationship with people we don't truly know yet.

    In general, especially for somebody who is still a young adult, it should never be considered a substitute for going out and meeting people because you happen to be shy.

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    • I guess it's not ideal and a lot of people seem to be echoing your point about lots of sleezy messages from unsavoury characters :/ But I worry that, being how shy I am, I won't have a high chance of finding a guy without turning to other options. It's something I'm working on but as with anything hard, it never takes 5 minutes unfortunately lol :)
      Thank you for your help :)

    • The lesson I've learned is a self-obvious one, but it's very easy to forget when you're shy: you won't meet people sitting around your house/apartment wondering if you'll ever find somebody again. You have to put yourself in a position to meet people, even if that means going out by yourself. Open skating, baking classes, volunteering, heck, even going to the pet store to look at the reptiles and other potential pets for half an hour once a week... these put you in position to meet people who share something with you that you can actually talk about. Our society has really come to look down on small talk, but from it more personal discussions can arise. All it takes is one person to compliment how gracefully you skate, for example, and now you have an opportunity to share something about yourself with them.

      In any case, best of luck to you.

    • I'm around people a lot and I'm fine with guy friends, just with guys I don't know. I've had bad experiences and find it hard, I know it's something I need to improve and that I can get better at but I also don't want to become disappointed a lot. I guess I was hoping online dating would relieve some of that disappointment. I really appreciate all your advice :)

What Guys Said 22

  • I've considered doing that in the future too. I did look a little at some profiles recently, but was disappointed that I only felt physically attracted to a few of the girls. I figured finding someone I'm attracted to would be the easy part because I don't think I'm really that picky. I think a lot of guys will be into you physically btw. I mean I think I would have an interest at least. I didn't look through the whole site but I think if I went through it there would probably only be 5 to maybe 10 I would even potentially have an interest in (not just based on looks though of course). I thought if that's the case how does an average girl get 50 messages a day?

    But yes I do think there is a good opportunity to meet someone on there you would really like. I like the idea of having an idea of their personality and attitude, theoretically, from their profile. I don't like that I really don't know much about a girl when approaching in public.

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    • Is it really that bad? lol :/ It sounds like a good place if you're shy and not likely to meet people in clubs and bars but then, I guess there's there worry that the people on there might be there because they're the kind of people that can't get dates for all the wrong reasons. I'm no better though so I can't talk!
      I really liked your last paragraph, having a heads up about somebody's personality (assuming they're honest) is a great advantage over some stranger in real life :) Thanks for your help as always ! :)

  • I've had profiles for years, but haven't been active much on them going on dates for a long time. Whenever I'd browse the profiles, it's all the same girls as before and a new wave of fat women along with some old ones who won't give up sitting there.

    Overall from what girls tell me on the free ones they get 30-50messages daily. Some repeats from some enraged kids who are ridiculously clingy and most of the guys want hookups and that's it. But I personally know people who have had luck. My brother's got a fairly new GF off of OKC. I went to a best friend's wedding who met off of OKC. I also know a girl who married off of match. com.

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    • That's a lot of messages :/ I wouldn't be expecting that kind of interest lol.

  • I had never before had a girl but really felt more and more that I was missing something. So around Christmas, I decided to go find a dating site that I felt nice on.
    You know, some of them are just "selling meat". That's 100% not me. No one-night stands for me, I want to learn to know the person in a girl, become friends and hope there'll soon be a spark.
    So I found a site that's more a compromise between making friends and dating. I soon learned to know a girl and we were sitting in front of the chatbox every day, exchanging questions and answers about each other. Like: what do we both like to wear, eat, drink, watch (film, documentary,...), read (books, magazines), what do we do for living, sports etc...

    Unfortunately, at a certain time she "disappeared" from the site. I had the feeling we would soon date or do an activity together and I still miss her 5 months later. Unfortunately I don't have coordinates.

    Conclusion and advice:
    (1) Seek a dating site that makes you feel at ease. No "meat shop".
    (2) When you get in touch, ask questions by the dozens! This will help you not to rush but to learn to know each other. To become friends, than perhaps a couple.
    Good luck if you would try it :-)

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  • It's a high risk type of behavior so many "Catfishers" out there
    it's people who pretend to be someone whom they are not
    but i believe Love can happen anytime if you can Skype
    things can maybe be different I used talk to few girls from
    England we were just friends but it's never been a consistent
    thing for me to have one girl to talk to who would be willing to
    be friends first than take things to higher level there was one
    girl who was from England, she was Muslim i didn't judge her
    but she walked out of my life going on 3 years this August
    i think online dating can be high risk cause you can get guys
    who put up fake pictures, they put up fake profiles i have
    always been honest person but I think i fall to being a victim
    cause I am easily led, gullible, i give in to females falling over
    hills for them than they turn out to be someone different
    i believe it's a 50/50 percent chance we all take for online
    dating just today i had to report someone who was a "Catfisher"
    i thought the person was a female and turned out to be male
    so i took care of it and whatever law enforcement does with
    the information I gave them on him is all up to them
    I'm not coming online to live a lie or to lead females on
    i go right down to the brass knuckles when people don't
    post real pictures online they have either been a victim
    or they are a "Catfisher" just looking to play a game
    we can't set our self's up to be the game their hunting
    you always got to be one step ahead of people what
    i been up against is spammers, scammers, catfishers,
    someone just looking for good time

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    • I'm really glad you've met some good friends through it, you're a lovely person :) I would be worried about people not being truthful about who they were, but then I guess people can be the same in person :/

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    • Thank you :) I really appreciate it, I wish all guys were as good as you! That offer is mutual :)

  • Yeah, I've done a few of them, and I've thought it's been a pretty good experience. I would recommend the pay sites over the free sites, especially as a girl. From what I've been told by girls, guys use the free sites (tinder, okcupid, etc) for hookups, since they don't have to pay. Guys that use the pay sites are much more likely/willing to want a relationship.

    It's a great way to meet a lot of people in a short amount of time. Whenever I'm online, I usually go on dates with 2-3 women every month. It could probably be more, but I make sure I'd really like her before I ask her out. So it's great for meeting a lot of people and learning the art of dating.

    I actually went on a first date with a girl I met online this week. Went really well. So, yeah, give it a shot!

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    • I've heard of some good match ups with people that have been really successful and I hear what you're saying about paying for a decent one, I guess I would find it just as hard trying to find a good guy on one of the free ones as I would trying to meet one face to face. I hope you end up on a second date soon! :) Thanks so much for your advice.

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    • I guess if I'm going to do it, and use the best sites, money just can't be a problem lol. I'm not honestly sure, I haven't looked into it at all but I can imagine it would be somewhat the same as the US :) Thank you!

    • Yeah, you can probably search around and see what works. If you can see the guys beforehand, that's probably your best option. Or if there is some sort of "first month free" that would be a great way of testing it. I know some sites offer "free weekends" occasionally for people to give it a try. You could also look out for that.

      Good luck!

  • Its worth trying... at least you know that everyone is single... the trick is to look like someone special... so make sure your profile pics are more than just decent... and not all selfies if you can help it... BUT it can be cumbersome and time consuming scanning through so many profiles... me personally... i try to narrow my search down from a a hundred to a dozen down to 4 and then settle on 1... because its hard to get to know so many people at once... if you lose interest... go back and narrow it down again...

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    • I guess the fact I don't take selfies comes in useful for at least one thing then ;) I agree, talking to a lot of people just ends up becoming a big chore. Thank you so much for all your helpful advice, I'll be sure to remember it all should I take the plunge :)

    • Well good... and dont try to appease every chat request or message you recieve from other members... in the past month I've accumilated over 270 messages and 50 chat requests... you can't please everyone...

  • Good for talking to guys, trollers, fishermen, stalkers and basically a cross section of guys from using the site to finding a life partner to one night stands.
    So, if you are boosting your conversation skills with guys, go for it and the pay the very least.
    Never fall for nor date anyone from that site, of course.

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    • Is it really that awful? lol :/ I've known somebody who found a guy and they're still together now but perhaps that's just one of those success stories that are few and far between?
      Thanks so much for your advice! :)

    • Agreed - also know of a good marriage + marriage for financial security (nothing else in common) as exceptions... the two fish that escaped the giant net

  • As a self proclaimed good guy that's tried it I can say for a guys perspective it's not worth the time. Girls get a ton of messages and are just flocked time wise. Even if I'm trying to get to know someone it's a chore. Everyone seems to lie too. I've been on a few dates from OKC but they were all terrible because the girl either lied or her ego was through the roof because of all the attention online dating provides. Online dating is really one sided for girls but it's not reality. I would say give it a try if you're patient and level-headed. You'd have better luck meeting people at a similar hobby imo. You'll run into a lot of liars and clowns out there but if you weed out well you can find a good guy..

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    • Wow I might be really bad at it then. I don't like to chase a girl. If she isn't interested I'm gone and I don't look back.

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    • Oh, I remember now. You're the gymnast. That's really great. If I have kids someday I want them to get into that, best fitness all around.

      The thing is everyone feels just like you described. Us guys just learn you have to put that behind yourself to be happy with women. If you develop the courage to approach guys you'll find your troubles ending quite quickly as very few girls do that. As for myself, I try to approach all things logically and just be honest with myself. You'd be surprised how many things in life are no brainers that greatly improve yourself but the only thing holding you back is yourself. Try to condition yourself to acknowledge those moments and have the courage leave your comfort zone.

    • lol it can be very worth it, keeps me in shape especially because I can eat like a man! ;)

      I do get frustrated with myself when I see a guy I like but seem to freeze. It's something I really just need to bite the bullet with, the sooner the better really :) Thank you chidude :)

  • I wouldn't consider it myself I think its probably full of guys like me with no experience with women or people who are not who they say they are. Are there still such things as dating agencies? It may be worth thinking about as all the guys will have been 'vetted'?

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    • You're inexperienced but very sweet! :) I think they do still exist but as I've only ever seen them on 'the undateables' it leaves me a bit fearful :P

  • Yes it is. But be careful, cautious and do your research on the person! Anyway I did it and by some luck I found one of the most amazing gal's I could ever dream of she was really sweet, kind, nice and was even more pretty in person! haha. Although we dated for a bit it sadly didn't work out she saw me more as friend, but still I'm grateful for the time we did spend together b/c it was amazing. :)

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  • I enjoy online dating but its defenitly not for everyone, they could say they're a sexy, hot guy who loves to tan, but is really a pale woman who loves to lead people on

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    • Yeah I was thinking you always run the risk of not being able to truly trust anybody :/

    • You do, but you meet some cool people who are real people too!

  • I never tried dating but i met the most amazing people on the internet.
    It would certainly be worth a shot but there are tons of horror stories that there are only creeps on those sites. Patience is always required.

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    • I think it's worth trying at the very least, you never know who you'll meet :) Just have to have your guard up I suppose! Thanks sawno :)

    • My internet 'Dating' experience although not being a dating site but meeting random people online was the following. Dick. Dick. Dick. Dick. Dick (Some literally , some just jerks haha) and then finally someone nice to chat. That cycle would repeat a couple of times until i finally met someone absolutely amazing. I couldn't count the amount of amazing people on both hands.

  • If you want to sift through 1000000000000 sex propositions a day, then have at it.

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  • Sorry to hear about your breakup.. everyone is different but on my experience alone its definitely worth trying. . Im shy like you so thats why I tried online dating. Even though it didn't go well thanks to online dating I was able to get my first date, gf, lost my virginity, and even got engaged all of this with the same girl. You are pretty and I dont see you having trouble finding a good man.. Good luck

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  • U can hit meh up anytime! I'll be ur bf and ur everything. And lemme be the center of ur Universe :)

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  • Not unless you're willing to take nudes because almost all guys will get bored of an online relationship that they at least don't see the girl naked.

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  • if you have enough patience to be jesus this is the place for you

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  • Yes it's worth it as long as you try to meet them

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  • Well, if the alternative is being alone, I would give it a try.

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  • For a girl yes. For a guy no, unless he has something of greater significance to offer.

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  • its not really considered dating if your only online with someone, i wish folks get that, why are you soo shy?

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    • Well I guess it could be if you met with them, kind of using the internet as a springboard to get to know someone and then try meeting? :) I was bullied at school and I've had other issues with men that just make it a bit difficult really, I do try lol :)

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    • It can be, you're right :/ Thank you so very much :) honestly that means a lot. I was bullied by some girls at high school for a lot of things really, being fat, ugly, quiet, weird lol you name it!

    • they were girls so why should you be shy around guys in the first place? girls are mean and say things that are not true your obviously not fat, also guys love girls just to let you know we just can't show it cause of how guys are mistreated by girls

  • Don't do it, online dating sites are full of the not so great catches. You have no reason to be shy, you're very beautiful and from your answers on GAG I know your also kind and caring to people you've never even met. you deserve a great guy, just hold out until you meet him which will probably be when you least expect it

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    • Thank you very much :) but I really am hopeless approaching guys and I'm conscious that I'll never find anybody that way. I can be a bit too nice unfortunately lol maybe that would be a bad thing with online dating. Thank you so much for your help :)

What Girls Said 6

  • Three years ago, a man from Egypt found me on FB and fell in love with me. We got to know one another through Skype and Yahoo, his lovely family as well, and the next thing I know I was flying off to the foreign far off land of Egypt. Things went so well that I flew back over 3 months later, where we tied the knot in Cairo, and I also had resided there awhile as well. When I returned home to the states, we had many problems, but it was Mostly Me who was not putting a lot of effort into our marriage. Now that he is very ill, he wants a divorce, is having a hard time in his life, and has threatened to divorce me for he is Blaming me for his bad luck. Long story...
    With FB meetings such as this one, and Other dating sites I have gone on and tried myself, I have dated a few nice guys. It's one way to meet someone without leaving your living room, to sort of speak. And for those Not into the bar and club scene, it is okay. You just have to be careful of Who you are speaking to and who you end up meeting with. Educate yourself first.
    It may not be for everyone, but it does seem the way today and the way to go. Give it a whirl. Find out if it is what you are into or Not.
    And you could get lucky, just being 'Not really picky.' There are lots of guys out there who Are 'Picky' and that is why they go online... Many just to find special girls probably like yourself.
    Good luck. xx

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    • I'm sorry it's all going wrong Paris :( seems like it was all flowing so smoothly to begin with. I hope things work out with you both, and at the very least don't lose complete contact.
      I'm really not into clubbing so I always feel at a bit of a loss with guys, especially because I'm so reserved and shy. I was hoping it would be a good springboard to meet somebody who's perhaps as equally shy as myself :) I guess it's worth a try at the very least.
      Thanks so much! :)

    • Thanks so much for your support, Willow4... Contact, deletions from Skype and Fb, just full circle back to Contact then Nothing... Ramadan for him now, but with things so bad Now in the Middle East, getting worse with this ISIS coming everyone's country, maybe it is a sign of God... But last nite a joke or so through email now9lol0today is quiet... Never seem to lose complete contact, who will know.. If you're this shy girl, then This online thing may be the way to go.. And there are so many guys out there, so it's interesting who you meet. I've met them all online, believe me, and when I feel he is either a player, sex maniac, or just too serious style, it's nice I am in control and can just forget him and go on to the next. Give it a try.. It's pretty fun, something different, cheap if you don't have to pay for the site.. xx

  • I'd say yes, it's easier to meet and get to know a lot of people in a short amount of time. It can get frustrating waiting for the perfect guy to just fall into your life randomly. Though you usually have to go through a lo of bad guys to find one that's great for you. I met my current boyfriend online but not on a dating site. He makes me happier than any guy I've met in "real life". Always be safe, notice small things, like be cautious if a guy's "story" isn't exactly adding up or if he says one thing when he's said another a previous time. Always Skype before meeting in person and when you do meet them let it be in a public place

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    • This was awesome advice, thank you! :) It would be a worry to meet someone who was dishonest, I guess all you can do is take the precautions you can to stay safe. I'm glad you've found someone you're compatible with :) Gives me hope! :)

  • Personally, I'm on the fence about it and I'll tell you why:

    I like to research, so after my divorce I went to a few events geared towards "getting back on the horse" and dating. The good thing about online dating is that you're not trolling through some sweaty bar in the middle of the summer trying to find "Mr. Right" who is actually not in that dingy hole-in-the-wall anyhow. The bad thing is that too many people fib about themselves in the profiles, beginning with the photo they post and ending with any number of details -- including their marital status, their jobs, their names, etc.

    As a rule of thumb, don't get involved in long-term texting/messaging before you see each other. stick to (1) a "Hi" message introducing yourself; (2) a an intermediate message with some icebreaker indicating ONE (not all) of your major interests; and (3) the date-set-up, which should be for a quick coffee to see if you're compatible. If a guy wants to rush you off to Maui for a week and you haven't met yet, don't trust it. If you haven't seen any sign that he's going to ask you out by message 3, don't trust it. If you haven't seen any sign of his social interests on his profile, don't trust it. If his picture looks like it was taken when he was back in high school... (and yes, you should make sure he's not in high school and scouting for that cougar experience), don't trust it.

    On a more positive note, I know three (out of several hundreds of) individuals who met their true love and lived happily ever after (or are about to) through online dating.

    On a negative note, I came across supervisors/coworkers who sent winks and messages, which wasn't appropriate contact based on our work contract.

    You put yourself at risk, but it's an era when everything is a risk. It really depends on you.

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  • From my experience, it's not really that worth it.
    My inbox load up with "hey" "wats up?"
    "You're so gorgeous" "you have pretty eyes" blah blah blah
    You'll rarely ever find a guy that you can have a deep connect with. They all say the same thing.
    Not to mention you'll get 99% of the time guys that are not your type.
    Just experience it for yourself
    Maybe you have better luck than me.

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  • I met my husband online. We met on a game actually many years ago and was always close friends. After awhile we decided to give dating a chance and have been together ever since. Online turned to real life, and are together. :) Worth a try when you meet that right person. It can be truly hard but it can work.

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    • I'm so glad it works for some people! This is a glimmer of hope lol it can't hurt to try I suppose :)

    • Yes definitely worth a try :)

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