Zero policy people, and how to handle it?

I've been in a relationship for about a year now and I love her a lot. I've had a problem though: I was hung up on what my ex had done to me and that instilled some serious trust issues in me. I want to make myself happy again so that I may move on with my life, and give this great girl a fair shot. There's a catch. When I spoke to her, I asked, what if we took a break so I can fix all of these issues so that we can have a better relationship? Her answer was "I'dive on and never date you again." So now that makes me feel even more like shit and I'm clouded by that over my head. How do I respond to that? What is she doing, girls? Is she bluffing so that I don't even try it, is she insecure? What is it?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Every time you're going through serious issues in your life or your relationship, are you going to want to take a break?

    She has the right to move on. Asking her to wait around for you until you feel like coming back isn't fair to her. It's pretty selfish.

    But if you're not ready to be in a serious relationship then you should probably leave. One day in the future she may give you another chance but she already let you know, she'll move on. You never know what the future holds though.

    Learning to lean on your girlfriend and trusting her to be there for you, just might be the remedy you need to heal your old wounds. Think about it. Maybe the truth is, you're just afraid and running away from something good, true, real. It may be a huge mistake to leave her.

    How will you learn to trust again on your own? Why do you think you can resolve these issues by leaving her "temporarily"?

    The best way to get over your past is to accept that it happened and learn to trust again. Your gf sounds like she's a keeper. I wish you luck.

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    • If like to ask. If the shoe was on the other foot, what would you do? I'm not challenging you at all. I'm just asking.

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    • *sticking

    • Happy for you!

What Girls Said 2

  • I agree with her. I wouldn't wait for a guy either

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    • Then I'll need to have the same thinking.

  • Well... sometimes guys use that as an excuse to test the waters and see what else is out there. No girl wants to stick around for that. In your case you really want to work on things, but you want her to believe it just because you say so?

    How will you work on trust issues alone? You work on it by trusting someone and see that it's ok. If you have that much to work on, then you weren't ready for a relationship in the first place. She will be punished for what someone else did to you... and that's not fair to her.

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    • No one is punishing anybody, and I'm not doing that to see what else is out there. That is completely wrong.

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    • You may want to tell her you actually have a plan, like what you shared here, and are not doing it for reasons she may think. You may have already and there's not much else you can do if that's the case. The reality of it is that the relationship may suffer eventually if you are really struggling with issues that will keep you from finding happiness. Take care!

    • I really appreciate your opinion and your feedback. Thank you for this. I'm going to have a talk with her. :)

What Guys Said 1

  • Taking a break to straighten things out is usually code for breaking up. It usually means you want to move on and check out other opportunities. I'm sure she interpreted it that way. If nothing else, it means there is something wrong with the current relationship, and if it's bad enough that you want to take a break, that's a bad sign.

    If you are serious about her, then work things out WITH her, not without her. Just let her know what's going on and work it out together as a couple. Sooner or later you have to put some trust in somebody. Your message is that she's not that somebody.

    I say take the risk and trust her. But that's just my opinion.

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    • I don't disagree. But, I'm not using it as an excuse, and further more she is the only one I want. It's not the relationship at all.

    • I'm not saying you are using it as an excuse. I'm saying she might be interpreting it that way. Whether you are taking a break or breaking up, you are still separating for some indefinite period. Realistically she has no idea if or when you might get back together. What she is also hearing is your lack of trust.

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