Is it true that guys stay away from "good girls" because they're afraid of being judged or left for a better prospect?

I've been told this before and I'm wondering if it's true. I've been told that the reason guys talk to me, but will never take things further is because I'm a good woman that hasn't made the same "wild mistakes" as most people my age, and I'm making something of myself with one college degree under my belt and another on the way in a year, thus guys feel like I would judge them for their faults/mistakes and would leave them for a better, more educated man? Is this truthful at all? It seems women who don't have the "good girl" stereotype and aren't in college have a better chance at men than I do.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • If a guy is worried his girl is going to leave him the guy he's imagining her leaving him for is more materially successful, attractive, or sexually proficient... reasons any girl no matter how pathetic she was might leave her guy. It has little or nothing to do with her believing she deserves a better man because she's a better girl.

    Most likely:

    He thinks he won't be able to get you to give it up, and therefore you're a waste of his time when there are so many other woman who will.

    He feels his manhood is challenged by the idea of a woman being an equal breadwinner or decision-maker. Having dated several highly accomplished women (two PhDs and an MD) I'd say they also have a bad tendency to expect their men put them first in their life, while not placing their men first in theirs. Unless you're happy being a sub (in relationship terms) that's not necessarily a bad reason to steer clear.

    He wants to be with somebody who makes him feel good about himself, and your attitude does just the opposite. I'm one of the world's worst offenders when it comes to giving off "you're not good enough for me" vibes, so I don't say that to judge. Somebody once told me I make people feel bad because they feel I'm constantly weighing them against my unreasonable personal standards. In such a case it would not be shocking for people to eliminate themselves as potential mates. This in my opinion has nothing to do with being left for somebody "better," but rather the fact that nobody wants to be with someone who makes them feel bad about themselves.

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    • I think it's the giving it up. I'm not going to sleep with just anyone. Many a men have tried to worm their way into my pants with professions of love and affection... that all turned out to be lies. I'm looking for the real deal. Honestly, I never make anyone feel lesser, nor do I look down on less educated men, unless they have no ambition to work hard in life and live comfortably. I just want a good, driven, hardworking man. I do think I'd put my career first, but I don't expect men to put me first. Honestly, I'm not a very "clingy", "let's get wrapped up in each other" woman. I'm much more of a mature kind of love that derives from two adults who have their own lives, but enjoy each other's company. So, requiring the man to put me first isn't the problem. I guess it's the putting out. Why would they want me when they can have an easy woman?

What Guys Said 9

  • The reason many guys don't date the girls heavily into their education is because they're all about their "independence" and they can't fit one in their lives. They get sucked into their school and career and that's it. They're all about those things. These girls don't find out that they need a more balanced life until they're in their 30's most likely and then finally back off and do other things.

    The other big issue with them is they're extremely stuck up and arrogant about people who "don't measure up" to them" when they don't realize different people pursue different goals in their lives.

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  • It probably isn't your "good girl" image that's driving men away. It's even less likely you're turning men away because of your degree and education level, and being ambitious and "making something of yourself" is even less likely than that to be an issue with men.

    The problem is your presentation. Think about how you respond to men who have less education than you do (I pick this because of how important to you being educated is). Do you look down or think less of men who top out at high school diploma, and went to work. If so, this will show through. Are you generally judgemental? Constantly tell people who think and act different than you they are "wrong," "narrow minded," or "ignorant?" Do you have a long list of "must have/must not" qualities in a man?

    If this hasn't been happening, then maybe it's just your age group, or you've run into a stretch of guys who aren't attracted to you. It happens.

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    • I can be a little judgmental, being a conspiracy theorist, but it doesn't change my overall outlook on someone. I'm not that shallow. Education doesn't matter THAT much to me. If a man can be successful without a degree, that's awesome! It's about drive and determination, really. Actually, I haven't been picky enough in my past and it has led me to get screwed over. I think it is my age group. These guys are attracted to me, they just never take it past conversations. I think it's because there are far more women out there that will give it up and not be so choosy when picking a partner. I'm not reserved or "picky" because I'm some conceited bitch. I'm that way because I'm looking for serious and I'm done with the heartbreak of "now" relationships with men that it obviously will never work out with.

    • I only threw those ideas out there because:

      1. I don't know you.
      2. I've not seen you in action.
      3. Many people I have observed at or just past your age group with similar backgrounds as you DO have these kinds of issues I gave examples for.

      18-24 is kind of a tricky age group. Men in that age group aren't exactly commitment minded, because they're still trying to figure out how to get their lives started. They're just starting and finishing college. Getting that first "real job" after school. Many men that age still live with their parents. They have a lot to figure out about themselves first before they can seriously think to add a serious and committed relationship to the mix.

      If you're pretty certain what you're after, and you feel good about the path your life is one, looking for serious makes sense. You may want to aim your sights on a man who maybe is a little older than your age group. Maybe a man in that 28-32 age range is looking for what you seek, for example.

  • its different for everyone but there is a small stereotype for successful college educated girls. I was talking to some of my friend girls over at UCI and they were all like "yeah if I date a guy he has to be on my level" ergo college educated to a BA the least, community college or no college is just an insult to them. so it varies from person to person.

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  • I'd say two separate things.

    One is you may be projecting 'good wife but not fun gf/hookup'. If you seem wet closed sexually guys may not view you as a fun girl to date NOW.

    The degrees are separate. That's more likely going to make guys less successful than you feel you'd look down on them.

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    • Definitely not an easy woman or up for being treated like a piece of meat. You'd be surprised the degrading, sexual crap men try to throw at me on a daily basis, sometimes. It saddens me that my fellow women accept their treatment. I guess I'll have better luck when I get older.

    • Probably not, no.

  • I guess you could say that it's a thought in my mind sometimes but honestly I'd rather take a "good girl" over some random whore any day.

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  • Well, if you're a good girl, along with what you've said, you would get my attention. I think a more elaborate, and accurate rephrase is: Are men intimidated by an accomplished woman?

    Close?

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  • 'I'm making something of myself with one college degree under my belt and another on the way in a year, thus guys feel like I would judge them for their faults/mistakes and would leave them for a better, more educated man' ... Ugghhh - that pretty much answers your question right there - what are you offering? And anyway, if you're offering intellectual stimulation, I doubt you can outdo the intellectual stimulation I guy can get from a book from a good session with a book, or even Game of Thrones.

    Get back to basics - go down to your local zoo and watch how it works with baboons, giraffes etc... it's all about sensual and visual attraction with males...

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    • Who said I wasn't attractive? I know men are all about sex. I just value men that actually look for more. I bring to the table femininity, love, nuture, and a whole host of things besides my body.

    • What's 'nuture'? lol... sorry, but when did I say you are not attractive? I can see you're attractive by your cluelessness. But seriously, what I am saying is that unless you are a genius, a lot of men will see your intelligence as a tool to outdo them or argue and gain the upper hand. They will think that even if you are a genius.

      It's not that 'men are all about sex' - I think you sound great. I know what you are saying about those ho's who make mistakes, but that can also equal experience in how to appeal to men.

      I promise you this - no man you'd be interested in would chat with his friends and say 'oh, she's fine because she has a degree under her belt'. The kind of man you want is firstly concerned with his own level of intelligence and qualifications, not hanging on to yours.

      Just separate your intellectual qualities from your attractiveness to men, be attractive and choose your man. Once the relationship has started, then you can get all intellectual.

  • "The good girls" always reject me for some reason.

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