Why should I tell my partner that I used to work at an erotic massage parlour?

I want to stop working as I earned a decent amount of money and want to switch to relationships now. If you found out that your gf used to work at such establishment what would you do? It is worth it as they pay a lot and admit
It guys most men had sex with prostitutes and think it's not a big deal. I am not hungry for money and I think it's none of anyone's business.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Most men have not had sex with prostitutes, at least not in north america. No male friend of mine has ever admitted to having done so, though it doesn't mean that none have.

    I think I'd probably be able to handle it, depending on your current attitude towards sex in a relationship.

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    • It's not something men tell.

    • I'm not sure if it is or isn't.

      Actually when i was in school there were a few guys i knew, foreign students, who did use prostitutes apparently? I didn't really know them.

      I think in some circles, they all do, others its very rare.

      Best data i've seen is that in the u. s. 14% of men have, ever, only 1% in last year.

      It used to be higher many decades ago, but casual sex has really cut prostitution down.

What Guys Said 13

  • Personally I don't know how I'd feel about this. It depends on how I think about her as a person. If she had sex or given oral to thousands of guys that may just be too much of a turn off. If it was mostly hand jobs I wouldn't look at it nearly as negatively. I've never seen a prostitute btw.

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    • Handjobs and showers mostly and general massage but nude

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    • I wanted to be professional. They were all clients and I respected them. There were girls who were having sex for money though. But I didn't go that far.

    • You sound fine to me :)

  • Tell him. If you love him, you would change for him. If he loves you, he'd accept you as you are. Simple in words to tell. Both shall be truthful to each and both should compromise.

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    • But it's just a massage.

    • yea its just a massage.. so just tell

    • Nope. I did some pretty nasty things to them but it was still a message.

  • tell him it'w best that you tware open about t past this way there will be no surprizes when or if someone tells the other one about he past andhere will no aruements about it

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  • Many people saying don't tell him, but in my opinion, everyone has the right to accept or reject people they date.

    Would I date someone who did that? No. But nobody has the right to deprive others of making their OWN decision.

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  • I would have to say its a deal breaker, keep it to yourself to the grave, or don't say exotic message, just messages, guys tend to get insecure and that would always be in the back of his head and cause some issues in the long run.

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  • Thats not a big deal if u work their just for miney and no other reason u can tell him I won't have mind

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  • Don't tell him. Keep it to yourself.

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  • why not he would be very interested in getting a full body massage with a happy ending for free

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  • I wouldn't mention it to be honest. I don't think it's something that should be brought up. Unless he asks, or a situation occurs that would make you seem in the wrong if you didn't.

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    • Also, would you mind mentioning where you found the statistic that most men have slept with a prostitute? I'm 25, and out of all of my guy friends (to which I have many from many different states within the US, and country). Only one has slept with a prostitute. I'm assuming one or two more may have, but didn't admit it, but I don't honestly know about most. However, I could be wrong, and it may be a stat based on location.

    • It's just very common.

  • Its best not to tell unless he will find out.

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    • Ok. Would you mind?

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    • Well I would give you how many massages you like. No reason for being jealous.

    • I would love that, but its like second nature for a guy to become jealous of his girls past. its best to always keep it short and sweet

  • Well, if I was your boyfriend I'd appreciate you telling me. I'd also like you to get tested for STDs, especially the deadly ones, before doing anything sexual with me. I don't want to be put at risk for someone else's choices. If it's love, they won't judge you. But they have a right to know, so they don't get sick. Just in case.

    Honesty and transparency is one of the foundations of a good relationship. If you can't trust each other, you can't really open up to them.

    PS - I really don't think MOST men have sex with prostitutes. Not in my country, anyway (USA). I have only met one who supposedly did, and I thought he was out of his mind for putting himself in a stupid, dangerous situation.

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    • I have no stds I have never had intercourse or oral with them. I just rubbed them all over which included the penis and bathed them after that.

  • Why you should talk to your partner about stuff like that? Maybe because it is one of the things you want to know about a person before you start dating them? You say that it isn't a big deal. Maybe to you but to many people it is, so let him decide that. And just because many people have sex with prostitutes doesn't mean they would date one.

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    • Oh please most guys don't say to their girlfriend that they visited prostitutes. It's such a double standard.

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    • If you are asking me personally then I would say there is a huge difference. If a person sleeps with too many people it CAN be a sign that s/he has some issues, but if a person does that as a living then it is simply a profession, But then again I'm mostly alone with that point of view.
      No I wouldn't even if she asked.
      But what you don't seem to understand is that the society in general thinks it is worse for a person to get payed for sexual activities than actual sleeping with a lot of people. I agree with you, that makes no sense. But sadly it is irrelevant in this matter because at the end of the day you want to have a healthy relationship and if you don't tell him he is going to find out sooner or later. I had to find that out the hard way...

    • Ok I know people view it differently but I was single and it's part of my sexual past. I will only tell him if he tells me the truth about who he slept with. There is a high chance he is hiding past hookers from me so I don't feel obliged to tell him.

  • Most men don't have sex with prostitutes.

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    • Well that is wrong. I am talking from experience.

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    • Anyway to answer your question, I wouldn't bother telling them. As long as you're clean and you're faithful when you're in a relationship it doesn't really matter does it?

    • Ok thanks.

What Girls Said 7

  • How many people know that you were doing this sort of work?

    Was your workplace near where you live?

    Do you know how he feels about sexuality and adult entertainment in general?

    There is no way to know for sure how he will react.

    So, if there is much of a chance of him ever finding out, you should tell him yourself, and tell him early.
    If the chances of him finding out are virtually nil... then that is up to your conscience..

    It's easy to say honesty blah blah blah...

    but lots of guys won't admit they've broken the rules with strippers or been to the rub-n-tug..

    I have a friend that is trying to get me to work with her in a parlour.. and well, I worry she just tells me only the good..

    If you wouldn't mind.. could you PM me about it? I'd like someone else's inside take.

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    • He has no chance of finding out. The place I worked in is a typical rub &tug and I can say it's much more sexual than paying a stripper for a service. Of course I don't mind.

  • If it makes you more comfortable, don't tell him. I mean, there are a lot of people here that will tell you to tell him, but in the end I think people do keep secrets from others and this doesn't make then bad people, just human. Working at an erotic massage parlour isn't something huge and you never engaged in sexual intercourse (I think), so it's not something that will definitely weigh on you. If you feel this was a big part of you who you are, then tell him. Otherwise it was just a month in your life when you decided to try it and it didn't really meant a lot.

    Be as honest as you can in your relationships though. I don't think you have to spoil your chances with a guy by letting this out. It is not something you're particularly proud of, but it's just a story in your life and most people do keep stories/fantasies/thoughts from others, so I see no huge crime in keeping this to yourself.

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  • Is it legal in your country? It's not in the US, but based on your spelling you must be in a Commonwealth country, where it's legal under certain protocol. In that case, you weren't doing anything to violate/offend the law, so by jurisprudence you're good. And if there's anything moral about adhering to what the law allows (you could've been trafficking teenage girls, selling cocaine, or breaking in & stealing, which are morally wrong no matter what), then I don't think you were a bad person for it, and if he sees it like that, then he's a smart person.

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    • What has my spelling got to do with it? And yes you are right.

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    • Oh I see. Massage parlors are illegal in the US anyhow.

    • Yeah they are.

  • I would date someone who has (legally) worked in the sex industry. In my opinion, it isn't amoral or something to be ashamed of, but unfortunately, some people would disagree--whether he is or isn't one of those people--he deserves to know.

    And by telling him, you'd be doing yourself a massive favour; find out how he feels about sex workers. Would you really want to date someone who isn't open-minded and understanding?

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    • No I wouldn't.

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    • Okay. I guess I'm looking at this a little more abstractly..

      Who are sex workers hurting?

    • Wives if the men get caught.

  • Because he will eventually find out and he wouldn't like if you'd lie about it. Relationships are supposed to be based on trust.

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  • Just don't tell him

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  • If he asks, he has the right to know.

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