I stopped contacting her, is that immature?

This girl I was talking to said she likes another guy that she is also talking to, she said she wanted to be friends she likes me and loves hanging out with me because I understand her and click. I just stopped contacting her because I have feelings for her and I know she's not going to commit. Am I being immature? Should I just man up? Or am I ok to put distance


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Most Helpful Girl

  • First of all, distancing yourself is absolutely fine. I'm glad that you can see that she is probably not going to commit. If you are speculating it, it's probably right. You are trying to avoid the treacherous "friend zone" which is smart, because often what that zone really is, is a way for a woman to keep someone she sort of likes without having to commit to him fully. You don't deserve this and it is good that you are avoiding it.

    However, stopping contact completely is a little sharp. She, without doubt, is going to notice you doing something that severe. She might react in a variety of ways. Here are some ways that she might react that seem to be most prominent:
    1. She might become angry or frustrated with you.
    2. She might try to seek you out. (Suddenly pays more attention to you, maybe even asks why you have "suddenly disappeared," etc.)
    3. Does nothing about it.

    In all cases, you want to be respectful to her despite the fact that she is not being respectful to you, because despite the unfairness, being disrespectful is not going to help. It is only going to make things harder for everyone in the end.

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    • In all cases, you do not want to show her any sign that you are interested in her. This is dangerous. You could become her ego- feeder, meaning that while your feelings would be feeding her ego and making it grow, you would be stuck in the friend zone pit. She'd come by whenever she was feeling down and suck some life out of you every single time to make herself feel good.

      Now, what if she actually has the nerve to ask you why you have "suddenly disappeared?"... Again, bite your tongue and be respectful, but by all means, you are not obligated to give her the real answer. Give a lame excuse instead, but say it as if it were TRULY the real answer. Just do your best here. If she REALLY pursues you, she is being a bitch, don't get sucked into that. Number one rule: Don't show interest.

      Now here is the answer to your question: No you are not being immature.

What Girls Said 1

  • That's totally fine. If you know that she doesn't feel that way then you're just saving yourself from the friend zone. Thank you for being a guy that understands that sticking it out won't make her like you any more.

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What Guys Said 2

  • You've been friendzoned. Whether or not she's doing it maliciously, she's taking advantage of your interest in her for attention and validation when it's convenient for her. It's immature to throw it in her face and use your decision to not contact her as a weapon to try to hurt her for your disappointment, but it's perfectly fine to protect yourself from further disappointment.

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    • Yeah I'm not doing it to hurt her, im protecting my self. I don't want to be that guy chasing a girl and get nothing in return. I know a lot of girls get a confidence boost from that. I made it clear from the get go I had no intentions of being only her friend

  • That's the best way to do it. It makes you look better and less clingy. It'll make you seem like you're a confident guy that didn't need her. If she actually values you, she'll contact you.

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    • That's exacly how I feel. I have self value and I just want to seem needy

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