He thinks I'm so nice but just doesn't feel any attraction. How does that work?

I don't understand how attraction works for some men. I've been on two dates with a guy I met online and I like him a lot and think we could be a perfect match. But both times he got out of the dates thinking I'm so nice, smart, easy to talk to, fun, absolutely nothing wrong with me here, etc., but he just didn't feel any sparks or attraction. I do know, though, that in the past he's always fallen for girls who make him laugh and challenge him, and physical attraction came after emotional connection. I think I have a good sense of humor too so I don't know what it is here that I'm not doing it for him.

Another big thing I can think of is that he's still fresh out of a failed relationship and hasn't gotten over his ex yet. Technically he's not really emotionally available or not in a good place to date around at all. He appears engaged and interested on our dates but I could sense that he's sometimes distracted. I don't think this is fair to me which sucks because I really like him and he's a great guy. Could his remainder feelings for his ex be in the way of him feeling anything toward me or anyone else? I keep thinking if that attraction is not there for him after two dates, it'll probably never come.

And the weird thing is he seems interested in continuing seeing me to see where it goes, which I also don't understand considering he doesn't feel the attraction/chemistry. I almost feel like having a talk about his feelings for his ex next time when I see him.


0|0
2|6

Most Helpful Guy

  • "Physical attraction came after emotional connection".

    That's extremely unusual for men.

    If he's telling the truth, its possible that he's emotionally unable to fully connect because he's not over his ex, hence he feels no spark.

    But I think I've men like one guy like this, ever, in real life. More common would be guys who choose not to focus on physical side until there's an emotional attraction, and perhaps the physical attraction that he was in the past ignoring simply isn't there.

    0|0
    0|0

What Guys Said 5

  • Good plan.. you need to clear the air about why he seems emotionally unavailable before you spin the wheels any more. Most likely he is still thinking about his ex...

    0|0
    0|0
  • ehh there's something he's not telling you. and attraction isn't a choice so it would be hard for him to like you if he isn't naturally attracted to you.

    0|0
    0|0
  • He does not, necessarily, have to be emotionally available or relationship ready to be physically attracted to you. You do not want to grow on a guy to influence his physical attraction for you, so do not sell yourself short.

    0|0
    0|0
  • its not that he has feelings per say, but she might have really done him wrong. and he s hesitant to trust again.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Attraction isn't a science. And if being nice was all that was required, nice guys wouldn't be such whiny bitches.

    0|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 2

  • maybe ur not his type. maybe ur a tall blonde and he likes short brunettes?
    maybe ur not sexy and u act more like a little sister/asexual nonflirtatious than someone fun flirty and sexy?

    not every guy is gonna like u. I say put him in the friendzone, hang out with him but keep ur options open for other guys

    0|0
    0|0
  • You can think someone is nice and funny and not be attracted to them. Ever heard of friends?

    0|0
    0|0
Loading...