How to help boyfriend get over my infidelity?

When my boyfriend and I were broken up for a month, I slept with someone else. I told him the truth about it when we got back together after about 2.5 months break up, and we were fine for a few months but suddenly he left, and has become unemotional and hateful to me. I know he loves me and I hurt him bad, so how can I help him overcome this because I know it was a mistake I should have never made.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • If you slept with someone else while you two were separated, I'm not sure what it is he feels he needs to be upset about. You weren't together. He'll have to learn to accept that it happened, he doesn't have to like it, but since you were separated, he has no reason to hold a grudge. Unless he's convinced you and this other man were fooling around while he was still with you, then I suppose he has a gripe. Not sure if this applies to your situation, but at least it would make sense.

    You and him need to have a long, long talk. You need to listen to him explain how and why it hurts him so much yet, and you need him to listen to you if this whole thing truly happened during your separation time. You both need to figure out if you even want to pursue this relationship further, or just part ways. If he don't want to talk about it, then it's over.

    Point being, both of you need to understand the past is the past, and to move forward together, both of you need to let the past go. He needs to accept what's done is done. You need to accept it as well. And you'll have to really show him that he is that important to you. Words will help, but actions speak louder than words.

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    • My further question is: should I back off and give him space in the chance to play hard to get. Or should I grovel and apologize and bombard him with contact and affection, in the chance I still look like a doormat to be used and thrown around.

    • If you only slept with this guy while you were separated, then I'd just tell him you will respect his need to have time to think and figure out what he needs and wants in life. If you fooled around while you were together, give him your most sincere apology if you feel bad about it, and apologize once. Only once. Every apology after that is a reminder of what happened. If you messed around while you were together, after one apology, you need to show him it won't happen again, and show him you will work hard to keep him.

      If that isn't enough for him, at least you tried. You can take comfort in having given it an honest effort.

What Guys Said 8

  • This relationship is dead.

    Sorry to be blunt, but it's true. During this "Breakup" you almost immediately jumped on the lap of another man, which is making your boyfriend feel replaceable at the drop of a hat.

    Worse yet, there is imbalance in the relationship. From the moment you guys originally started dating, up until now, your boyfriend, to your knowledge, has been with you and only you... breakups aside. While you on the other hand, took a night long hiatus with another dude. All in all, this is something he has to get past alone and there's nothing you can do or say that will help him along. It might not happen this week or maybe even this or next month, but eventually this situation will be the death of your relationship. Only time will tell.

    Live and learn. Next time, figure out whether you're really ready to move on before you jump in bed with another person. And to cover all bases, no, it is not acceptable for a guy to to what you've done either.

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  • the way he feels was that even though you were broken up for a month, the fact that you jumped onto another guy's dick so quickly probably made him feel like you never loved him at all and that he was easily replaceable. guys want to feel irreplaceable and above every other guys in their girlfriend's eyes, and what you made him feel was that he was a nobody and that you easily got over him and fuqed another guy so quickly.

    Personally I dont think he would come back to you, and even if he does then things between you two would never be the same. you would really have to work hard at getting him to feel special and wanted. ironically, like how girls want to be treated.

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  • It all depends on why you were separated, on eventual promises before separating.

    If you separated just to get more space and liberty, it was to be expected.
    If you separated because of a job or family circumstances it's another thing.

    If he's intelligent and not doubting his virility and if he loves you he'll get over it. (but not right away: it's a bit like mourning)

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    • Simple: I'd forgive and forget.

    • We separated because he was drinking too much and becoming violent. Not ever hitting me but becoming too much to handle.

    • drinking too much and becoming violent? Then don't regret it and move on.

  • How do you know he didn't do likewise? He may have. You were broken up so it was none of his
    business what you did or didn't do. I understand his feeling hurt, I don't know the whole situation but
    we men are funny about these things. My point is if you were broken up at the time, you were free to do
    whatever with whomever. If he left, let him go. Sometimes it's best to keep your mouth shut in order to keep a relationship working. Good luck to you.

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    • He left for basic training a few weeks after we broke up. So he never had the chance...

  • Nothing you can do. Don't fuck someone else if you're still in love with the guy. You can't come back from this.

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    • But we were broken up. Like I didn't want to be with him anymore. Making the mistake I did made me realize I did love him as much as I did. There's no exception?

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    • Well then maybe he's changed to realize he's now better off without you.

      You said he changed a lot. Maybe the person he was loved the person you are, but now the person he is doesn't love the person you are.

      When people make drastic changed their preferences rarely stay consistent, you might not be his preference anymore.

      And having sex with someone else within a month either shows that you are desperate for male attention and went out to a bar or something, or that you've had someone in mind for a while before the breakup. Neither are good things

    • Even if he does end up taking you back this grudge will never subside. Any time you get in a fight he's going to bring this up, any time he's angry he would think about the other guy, any time you're not in the mood he'll wonder if you're getting it somewhere else. He has made it clear he is not ok with that, and that will not change. You just need to move on

  • Nothing you can do. Your relationship will likely not last which is fine. You will both find someone new soon. Just learn from this.

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  • Live and learn. It's not up to you. If he comes back is all up to him being able to accept.

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    • Even though we were broken up?

    • Well its obviously bothering him. The only way it will work is if he can accept the fact it happened and move on.

  • I bet you proposed this little 'break-up' just so you could use it as an excuse to fuck this other guy. Go fuck yourself, trash.

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What Girls Said 3

  • Guys also do this when they break up, even if the break up was 5 days, he has to let it go. And that he needs to do on his own actually.

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  • You guys weren't together. How is that cheating?
    He has to deal with it or he is not telling you the real story

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  • sounds like you're screwed... i don't think he's gonna change his mind about it

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