Joined online dating, sent out 60 messages, got 0 replies, is this normal or am I doing something wrong?

I also haven't received any messages from women on there. In fact the only ones who have even viewed my profile are ones I've messaged.

Its hard to say what I've been saying, since the site bans copy and paste messages, so I'm having to write out each one individually. I'm basically telling them I find them attractive and then asking about something on there profile or one of there interests. Unless there profile isn't properly filled out, then I just improvise.

Am I doing something wrong?

Also I already made another question asking which pictures to use ( www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1067075-which-of-these-pictures-should-i-use-for-my-online-dating-profile )


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Online dating is stacked tremendously against men. Women can be even pickier online than in real life. Women don't usually get hundreds of guys asking them out in person. On a dating site, they are able to sort through all the suitors and cherry pick the ones that appeal to them the most. Not saying it's impossible, but it can be very challenging unless you are a 10/10 yourself.

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    • Haha, the girl who down-voted me is in denial.

What Girls Said 9

  • Girls are crazy if they aren't responding to you your good looking I don't see why they wouldn't. I've never used a dating site so I don't know how they work but maybe try hitting on girls when going out? And aren't there like apps now for dating I feel like those are popular? I don't know though but I don't think your said anything wrong. Girls are stupid sometimes.

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  • How is your profile filled out? Do you have any kind of personal information filled out about yourself to make seem interesting. I know when i started internet dating i would not have anything to do with people who didn't fill out their profies with some interesting things. I dont mean have your entire personal history. But some fun facts about you. A few good looking pictures dont cut it.

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  • You sound negative rather than optimistic in the profile. Sorry no spunk feel there from me.

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    • Really? I felt my profile was tongue in cheek more than anything lol.

    • Well there are better guys out there. Who don't trash others.

    • Great. That's real helpful.

  • What did you write in your profile?

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    • I'm **, 22, from the ** area - currently working in Governance at ** Hospital. I enjoy listening to music, reading, sports/fitness, chilling with friends, going out, visiting new places and generally having a good time. I dislike liars, bad manners, poor hygiene, text speak, Dr Pepper and Jeremy Clarkson.

      I'm looking for a fun girl to hang out with.

      You and I will work if you aren't superficial, extremely clingy, mentally unstable, or in need of two tonnes of makeup smeared on your face before you leave the house. :)

      If you are interested , don't be afraid to say hi, what's the worst that could happen?

      Good luck!

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    • I can almost guarantee that your third paragraph is your problem. Seriously, if was a girl and read that, I would move on. Take that out, because anyone who does click onto your profile is going to be put off by that.

    • Also, don't talk so much about yourself. Find something on their profile that you think is interesting, and talk about that. It will show that you notice and care, and aren't just sending a form letter to everyone.

  • Woah - you're such a cutiepie. I'm surprised you can't easily win a lot of women over in your local area.

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  • Your looks are good enough... I meet guys from online and if they're in your range, they get responses.

    What are you saying about their attractiveness? It might sound too shallow or sexual?

    Try listing some of your favorite bands, books, sports. Your profile sounds slightly generic.

    Avoid anyone taking a provocative selfie. Attention whores.

    This is big. Delete this paragraph:

    "You and I will work if you aren't superficial, extremely clingy, mentally unstable, or in need of two tonnes of makeup smeared on your face before you leave the house. :)"

    Studies show that profiles that list positive traits do better than profiles saying what they don't want. People tend to assume the poster is critical, judgmental or negative.

    Also, check your spelling and correct usage. Their/there/they're, your/you're, and so on.

    Last but not least, 22 is pretty young for online dating. Make sure you're still hitting the real world.

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    • Good advice.

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    • That alone doesn't show a high interest level in their efforts. It could be the age... I'm an old person and more people are online because they're busy. Also, not everyone checks daily, so a few more days could pan out more.

      Keep at it and keep trying in the real world too. You're at an excellent age to try lots of new things.

    • I think your profile is fine without the "I'm looking for" paragraph. Several people I've talked to say including that discourages them sometimes. I would include some more precise details to flavor up your self description, though.

  • What? I don't believe this you seem pretty cute, attractive, mature and a pretty down to earth man. Try something besides the internet because I'm pretty sure you could snag a girl lol
    I mean if I was around and I happen to see you I'd certainly come up and talk to you!

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    • Erm thanks...

      I'm only trying online dating as I haven't been on a date in over 2 years.

    • Maybe it's where you live?
      I haven't had a date in along time either but several people say I'm pretty or beautiful and say I have a good personality. Yet no one seems to want to date me. I did resort to online dating but I left it just wasn't me to be like that.

    • What do you mean? Why didn't you meet people online?

      This might help me work out why I'm not getting any interest from women.

  • is it a popular site? i heard some dating sites use fake pictures and create fake profiles to attract people to join

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    • Its the most used site where I'm from. Its also (reasonably) well moderated.

  • Yeah, trust me it's very common on dating websites. I've heard a lot of men barely get a response. I've seen your photos from previous questions and you seem to be an attractive man, so the looks department aren't a problem. I would be cautious about online dating, many women on their are single moms, escorts, or catfishes. That's why I'm more into meeting people the old fashioned way... in real life. However if you insist on using POF. com , match. com, or christianmingle. com lol then make more of an effort, and have a witty headliner.

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    • More of an effort how?

      My headline is 'We'll just lie and say we met somewhere else...'

    • I got lucky with CatholicMatch, but it was pretty much fate in our case. She saw me on the "newly uploaded photos" gallery on the home page, and the rest is history. I had a very frustrating time with POF and OKCupid.

What Guys Said 10

  • The way you talk about this sounds very detached, almost like you're blasting potential employers with your resume rather than looking for someone to have a meaningful relationship with. Women can tell when they're getting formulaic messages, and that might be part of the problem.

    For the girls who do view your profile, I agree with some of the other opinions that what you say sounds pretty negative- mainly the third paragraph and the "dislikes" part. Whenever I see someone say they dislike things like liars, bad manners, and poor hygiene, it makes me think a few things:

    1) No kidding, who actually likes those things? This is boring and tells me nothing about you.
    2) If we meet up, are you going to be judging me the entire time?
    3) Are you one of those people who is constantly creating drama, complaining about all of the liars in your life and people you can't trust?

    Overall, the most interesting thing in your profile is that you don't like Dr. Pepper (and if I were looking at you as a potential mate, I would see that as kind of cute and probably ask you about it). Everything else is pretty generic. You want something to make you stand out (but not in a bad way, obviously). You enjoy reading: What's your favorite book? You are into sports/fitness: Do you play any sports in a league or have specific athletic goals like running in races or anything like that? You like visiting new places: Have you been anywhere unique (and it doesn't have to be exotic, just something that isn't a common place to go)?

    Aside from that, I'm not sure why your profile isn't getting views. Based on your pics, you seem to be a pretty good looking guy (from an objective point of view). I would echo the sentiment that 22 is a bit young to be dating online, and many of the women who use online dating may be looking for someone older.

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    • I have to be detached to some extent. I can't just find one girl and really focus on building a connection if she is highly unlikely to even reply to my message. For a start I would have to spend all day to send out a decent amount of messages and I probably wouldn't be able to take the rejection that way either.

      Everyone here seems to hate the dislikes part of my profile, so if I've got no messages by the end of tomorrow I'll get rid of it, despite originally being advised to put it in elsewhere lol.

      I'm also unsure that over talking about my interests is a good idea. If women my age, in my area, had interests that I have, I would already be meeting them. Going on about sports, fitness or reading isn't going to impress women as most young women have no interest in those things.

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    • Oh, also, that last part of your comment is total bulllshit. Women like guys who are passionate about things. It doesn't mean that they are going to share those interests, but it shows them that if they spend time with you it isn't going to be boring. Saying that you're into sports, reading, music, having a good time is like saying, "I enjoy eating food, breathing oxygen, and having a working endocrine system." If, instead, you said something like, "I've been a fan of [X Team] since I was 6 years old, I really want to see [ X Band} in concert someday, and I'm trying to find a book as good as [X]," it would open the door to conversation.

    • BTW, if you want better perspective on this and have a female friend who is willing to help out for the sake of science, copy and paste your profile into a new profile with a girl's pictures. A friend of mine did that once and was absolutely horrified by the responses. There's a reason why women are picky with online dating.

  • You seem like a fairly good looking dude, so I don't think that's it. Maybe you could personalize your bio a bit, and make it less fill-in-the-blank sounding (it does kinda read like a template that's just been filled in).

    Other than that, just keep at it. Online dating can be tough... lots of women that just go on there fishing for compliments, and a lot of others that have compiled completely unrealistic lists (both in length and criteria) of what they require in a man.

    Try messaging as many girls as you can that seem like they're there for the same reasons you are. I know it can be difficult to weed those girls out. but usually you can get a sense based on pics and what they've written in their own bio.

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  • 0 for 60? Yup, that sounds about right. I'm more impressed that you were able to send out 60 messages. I don't have the mental energy for 60 custom-typed messages. My experience with dating sites is that they're a waste of time. Best to direct your energy elsewhere.

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  • Women on dating sites tend to target very good looking men. You are actually very attractive, but they go for guys with movie star looks and money. You haven't done anything wrong! :)

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  • ha! well yeah, sounds about right. Online dating is whack. If you don't mind me asking... why are you giving online dating a try? Is it hard to find available women in your area.

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    • I've basically got no social circle where I live. I don't meet any women. Also its a small town so I can't go approaching strangers in any great number.

  • ur a good looking guy so i think just keep at it, maybe a lot of accounts arnt in use anymore?

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    • I've only messaged girls 'online today'.

    • I meant 'online now'

    • i dno then, i know sites make fake accounts to increase the female number of users. maybe just jazz up your user info

  • its happened to me mate lol

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  • What's your height?

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  • Very simple fix, just put your height at 6'2" and take a picture of yourself next to a Mercedes-Benz and sit back and watch the messages pour in.

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    • Lmao. I might actually go to a rich neighborhood tomorrow and take pictures next to a flash car, just to test this.

  • its extremely normal. unles u look like a model, dont bother with online dating. pointless for men.

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