Dangerously close to telling my friend I'm interested in her ex-boyfriend... should I?

I have a crush on my friend's ex... I want to ask her if it's ok t start talking to him more and hopefully form a relationship. thoughts?

Updates:
My friend is someone I don't see often but when we do see each other we have a good relationship, that's why I want to ask her if it's ok with her. If it's not I'll swallow my feelings and try to forget about him that way.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think it is very Noble and Considerate of you to even Want to 'Ask her' before taking the plunge. And even though she may just be a casual friend, not even a 'Best,' it's in good taste to find out where she stands with him as far as any intentions of reuniting, her feelings for him, so that Nothing that you may start with him, goes down the drain in any event.
    Good luck, you have my blessings. xx

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    • If she is not fine with it, you would then have to choose between him and a casual friend... xx

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    • Why thank you. *accepts medal *

What Guys Said 4

  • So what's the big plan? You have a crush and you want to form a relationship because that? Well, you can do that and there's no need to tell your friend anything. If she's upset about it then she's just going to have to live with it. If it is risking your friendship then I would argue you never really friends in the first place.

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    • I have a crush and want to know him better... I'm not sure if a relationship will form but I'd like to try and see where things go. I just want to let her know how i feel before I go ahead and make a move.

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    • you've been more than helpful , thank you.

    • Yeah, I don't believe you.

  • I would never do that to a friend

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    • that's why I want to ask. I feel like n matetr how hard you try If you really have feelings for someone you can't surpress them... I mean if he was married with kids I'd stay away for sure, but seeing as he's not and they have been broken up for 2 years or more... I don't think it's the worst idea in the world to bring up the possibility of maybe wanting to get to know him better. Like I said I want to be respectful and ask her permission first.

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    • all very good points, I think I have decided to go go any further with this. I'd rather be friends with her.

    • I see i wish you the best with this
      i do think your making the
      right decisions xD

  • If my friend had a crush on my ex-girlfriend, I would understand that, but in no way could I accept him having an affair with her.. it would bring a downhill to our friendship. But that's just me, and I'm a guy..

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    • Humm interesting... maybe girls will pretend to be ok with it... when in reality they hate the idea?

    • I can't say for sure. Depends on the friendship and the stance they share about the guy. If he's nothing more than a topic to laugh and have fun about... then I guess you could sooth the idea into your friend slowly... but if she's still toxic about the breakup, things might get messier..

    • maybe it's not such a great idea to even tell her. I almost told her yesterday I brought hm up but quickly moved on from the subject. I didn't say anything that might make me look like I was already ready to make a move.

  • You sound young. That is very disloyal.

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    • 24? And asking my friend if its ok to get to know her ex is disloyal?

    • I think it's cool that you're asking, there's some people that wouldn't. But I'd never even consider it, my friends wouldn't either.

What Girls Said 6

  • You show maturity in that you are cautious with this. Speak with your friend and tell her how you feel. If she is really your friend, she will have no issue as it is her ex. Regardless, if you two (you and her ex) have a bond, go for it. A good friend will be supportive despite her initial feelings over the relationship.

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    • Thank you :) ... I mean I want to consider everything in this situation. I mean the first time I saw him she was already broken up with him , and I just was blown away by how cool he was... this was like 2 years ago. I tried to stop feeling this way but... I can't... and I just want her not to be mad about this because a year ago she seemed as though she wanted to rekindle things. Now she doesn't seem to, as far as I know. It's a complicated situation really.

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    • Good luck! I wish you the best!

    • thank you miss

  • You're a good friend. If you're interested in your friends ex, I think you should tell your friend about it and if it is okay with her. Of course there will be some level of awkwardness if you were to date her ex but you have to look at the big picture. If you really like him, then go out with him regardless of if your friend approves or disapproves. But it shows a sign or respect and maturity to ask your friend beforehand. I am sure you would like the same if your friend were to do that. :)

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    • I'm very respectful of people's feelings. She matters more anyway. I just don't wanna miss out on the opportunity to get to know him better, he's awesome, kind sweet, he's an artist, he plays guitar... icould go on. Anyway the reason he and my friend are no longer together is because he wanted to get more serious with her and she wasn't ready.

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    • I gotta ask her permission first lol but I hope she's cool with it. But I'd love it if he were mine lol ahhh turning red

    • :) hope everything works out

  • You're doing the right thing by asking, but make sure you listen for her cues. She's going to say it is alright whether it is or isn't most likely. So try to stay attuned to her tone and what not.

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    • so in other words... forget him?

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    • Thanks guys :) I appreciate your advice

  • Love triangle... Be prepared for friendship breakup.

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    • humm... this could be... best to avoid

  • It's really not worth it. Even if your friend was okay with it there's just an unspoken agreement to not do that. I personally wouldn't want my friends dating my exes because it would almost feel like a betrayal. Like she was disregarding our relationship and everything I've been through with this guy and still deciding to hook up with him.

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  • It's interesting, because two of my friends are dating EACH-OTHERS ex boyfriends. And despite them being a little weirded out about it at first, it was all good.

    Keep in mind that doesn't always happen.

    But, my best friend always compares me to her boyfriend and calls him my male version. She said point blank that If they ever broke up and he wanted to date me, that she wouldn't say no but she'd be devastated.

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    • whoa... this is pretty sad for me to have to admit but I think I'll leave him alone. It'll be my little secret... maybe I'll find someone else as awesome as him.

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