Was it selfish of me to break up before his exam?

I was in a long distance relationship with my ex for 6 months. He was very caring for the most part. However the last month we were fighting heaps because issues started to build up. He never wanted to sort out our issues and preferred to act like everything was ok but I couldn't pretend that we were ok. I was so hurt that he didn't care about my feelings. When I told him why I was upset he didn't want to listen and kept saying why can't we just be happy like we were before? During our last fight he said he didn't want to call me to talk about our issues saying that he didn't feel like it. When he finally called, I told him how I was feeling and all he replied was ok is that all you have to say coz I want to go study. I just completely lost it and broke up with him right on the spot and said bye and hung up. I also blocked him on Facebook and deleted his number off my phone. I did this a day before his exam at uni. I felt terrible for the bad timing but he kept hurting me and I just couldn't take being disrespected that way until his exam was over.

I sent an email apologizing for the bad timing but he never replied. We didn't talk for a month. Just yesterday I asked him if he could send me something important to me that I left at his place. He said that i talk such bullshit and that I'm selfish and how I don't deserve anything from him. Even after that hurtful email I sent an apology email coz I didn't want to leave things on a sour note from my end and of course he didn't reply.

Was it really selfish of me to break up with him before his exam given the situation? I don't get why he's still so angry and treating me like this. I doubt he will ever talk to me again or return my item..


Most Helpful Guy

  • Yeah, it was selfish. I've been in a similar position before. Things get heated and emotional and you don't really have any sense of logic when you are arguing, huh? What you both should have done is given eachother a couple days to cool off and then talk about it. Breaking up with him the day before his exams was a terrible choice. He was being a bit douchey with you, but that's probably because he is struggling to handle the stress of exams, and the stress of arguing with his girlfriend. There's nothing you can really do now apart from giving him a while longer and then talking to him somehow in real time, not just a message apologizing and then asking for your stuff. Talk to him about why you did what you did in the nicest way possible (if you put ANY blame on him you have a very big risk of starting another argument), ask to be on good terms again and then once you've both cooled try and get your stuff

    • You earn my MH remark. However It wasn't me putting up the question. But the asked should really consider you. Great advice!

    • Show All
    • I can see that P. O. V. being valid for some. :-)

      "Saying he shouldn't have gotten into a relationship because he might break up before exams is like saying you shouldn't drive on the road because someone might crash into you."

      For me, it's more like this: "you shouldn't drive over broken glass and be shocked to get a flat tire".

      To each his own, though, and I can see why you'd feel that way.

    • Thanks for your opinion guys. I really appreciate it :)


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What Guys Said 3

  • I'm very serious about school, so if my head was in a bad place taking my exam and I did poorly, no apology would ever be enough to make me forgive you, even if the breakup was going to happen anyway.

    Just stop communicating with him. He's not your boyfriend anymore, so whether he thinks you're selfish or not shouldn't matter. You don't tie things off in a nice little bow by trying to get an angry person to apologize or accept an apology.

  • I'm a little surprised to see so many people calling this selfish.

    Here's my take: if he can't handle the ups and downs of a serious relationship (which unfortunately, sometimes includes breaking up), then he shouldn't have entered into a serious relationship while in school.

    You have to be you, and you need to be able to assert yourself and do what's right for YOU. You're not obligated to pretend to be happy with someone just because they have an upcoming exam. To me, that's just nonsense.

    • Well from an opposing perspective, I think there are good and bad times to break up. Saying he shouldn't have gotten into a relationship because he might break up before exams is like saying you shouldn't drive on the road because someone might crash into you. I have gone through relationship crap the day before an exam and it really messes you up. You sit in the exam hall thinking about your problems and you end up bombing it. What's up with waiting a couple days to cool off and then assess the situation? To me, you also shouldn't be in a serious relationship if you aren't willing to wait to make big decisions like breaking up with a cool head. Or at least time it in a way in which it doesn't fuck up someones entire life. Just my 2c

  • Honestly, in my opinion yes it was.
    This was a long distance relationship, he wasn't in your life, it would have made no difference to wait a day.

    You could have started living your life as a single gal whenever you wanted, he wasn't there to stop you.


What Girls Said 2

  • I'm sorry but yes I do think it was kinda selfish... If you really cared for him even through your rough patches you would've just apologised knowing he could go and focus on his exam then after all the stress was over ended it with him. Probably a lot of the reasons you were fighting were stress related, they say that you take anger out on people you are closest to because you know they'll forgive you.

  • I think it was selfish. I'm sorry to say.