Why don't guys like good women any more?

In these days and times I see a lot of females that don't have standards, morals or self esteem have boyfriends and even husbands. I see females who are known in the area as a fast girl or hot in the pants and just because she has a nice body and dresses half naked guys want her. They want to marry these types of women and treat them like queens. They want the girls who consider their self a"bad b****", the fast girls, the rude women etc but I often find females like me alone, hardly ever approached, and treated horrible. Sometimes it makes me feel a bit sad that I can't find a good and decent guy who loves me for me and wants to treat me like a queen. I'm intelligent, funny, sweet, kind, caring, I have a big heart, I'm attractive and I also have a really nice figure. I have standards, morals and goals. a lot of girls think I must have all the men running to me but in reality its the opposite. People are shocked when I tell them that I'm 22 and I've only had two boyfriends. Both of which treated me terrible and broke my heart. And the guys I have tried talking to and get to know were really rude and a**holes towards me. Guys don't really approach me at all. I started to think something was wrong with me because how is it that a gorgeous girl with a beautiful heart and mind gets treated so bad and is over looked and ignored. I see every one else around me with boyfriends or husbands and they're so happy. I'm happy for them, I wish I could have that and experience that too one day. I don't know what it is. I don't know if guys are intimidated by me because I'm pretty or what but it sucks because I'm such a nice person but people really don't bother to get to know me. Especially guys. Sometimes I think I might end up alone forever. Why don't guys like good women anymore?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Your situation can be explained by several possibilities.

    1) Guys are covetous towards sex. It's hardwired into our brains. These fast girls dole out sex. They're easy. Where there's supply there's demand. These women give what the guys want and the guys keep these girls around so that they continue getting sex.

    These so-called 'good girls' don't give out sex at all or as easily, so the guys go to where they can get sex.

    2) These 'good girls' don't make their interest known on any level. They're quiet, they avoid people. They look unapproachable or uninterested. They expect guys to make the first move but these guys don't know that these girls want these guys to approach them. Noone takes the first step so noone gets anywhere.

    3) These 'good girls', especially the attractive ones, are already taken and off the market. Guys are subconsciously predisposed into believing this already, so when they see an attractive girl their default thought is "she's probably taken". That may or may not be true but how is a guy supposed to know if the girl is not taken if she's not giving out an availability signals?

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    • So I have to approach guys first and make the first move?

    • Or give really really really strong hints that you're available.

    • How do I give hints? I think I'm terrible at flirting lol

What Guys Said 18

  • The best thing I can offer you is this. You're 22. You're probably trying to be with guys who are in their early-to-mid 20s. Guys in their early-to-mid 20s are still trying to figure out their place in the world. Still trying to understand themselves, their goals, and their interests when it comes to things like love and relationships. Certainly many of them aren't looking to settle down with anyone at this point in their lives. And yes, this sucks for you.

    If you really are a gorgeous woman with a beautiful heart and mind, trust me when I tell you that you will NOT stay alone forever, or even for very long.

    For now, what you should focus on is yourself, and how you can keep yourself happy (or at least content) with your place in this world. Work on your career, hobbies, just getting out there and having fun. Always present yourself in the most appealing light possible. And once you are in a place where you are consistently happy with who you see in the mirror, and the direction your life is headed, then you can reevaluate how to find that decent guy to add to your life. Maybe you'll find out you haven't presented yourself in a way good men respond to, and you'll find a new way to do this. Maybe you'll figure out how to better read problem men earlier on, before they can really hurt you. Maybe you'll have different ideas on where to find the men you seek, and be able to show those good men that if they are high quality, they will have a high quality woman like you in their life.

    Just whatever you do, do NOT put yourself out there as someone who is desperate, willing to settle, and expecting to be burned by the bad men, and ignored by the good ones. This will show through, and you'll be stuck with the same types of jokers you've been finding. They prey on that kind of vulnerability.

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    • Thank you for your comment =) lately I have been focusing on myself. I'm about to go back to college next month so I'm trying to stay focused on that. I hope that Mr. Right finds me one day.

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    • What I mean by presentation is what do people see when they look at you?

    • Hmm I see

  • I won't attempt to address the dozens of issues implicit in your post. I will say that overall their could be validity to either viewpoint.

    What i will say is that you come at this from a moralistic perspective. Once in my youth i dated a moralistic girl. Nothing wrong with having values, but hers were manipulative. One of the things she told me right up front, not in simple dating but withing incipient relationship territory, was that there was to be "no sex until i have a ring on this finger." Not marriage itself, mind you, which is the purest moral stance, but the ring symbolizing intent to marry. Ok, so shave off a bit of the totally moral stance. Now she did get to where she'd get naked, do hand jobs and the like, but not oral that i recall. She'd receive but never give. A little bit more off the moral code. All along the way she was also demanding and critical, inherently tying her sexual availability to my willingness to conform. Sex in exchange for anything but closeness and mutual pleasure is, simply put, prostitution.
    Now, here's the kicker. I ditched her for being so constantly critical, and for being far too tied to the perceptions of her family and friends about her. In the aftermath, me having been imperious that there was to be no more relationship, she of course came a-calling. We ended up in the sack, and lo and behold she gave head like a natural, some of the best i ever had. Plus, in the interim between us together and this phase, she had bedded at least one guy. Moral code down to nearly zero. I accepted her willingness now because, hey i'm a guy, but i stood solid on my grounds of no more relationship.
    Bottom line, maybe some of these women you judge have succeeded because they did not use sex to manipulate. To entice and allure, sure. But not manipulate.

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    • I'm sorry that you had to go through that. I've never used sex to manipulate people, that's silly and wrong. The ones I'm referring to were fast girl, messing with everyone and even cheaters. For some reason the guys didn't seem to mind that she was a lair and cheater. As long as she had a nice body then they wanted her they didn't really care about anything else. But even girls who are manipulative and use sex to manipulate I've seen guys totally go for them. I never go after guys like that this is just from what I observe.

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    • P. S. best get rid of some of your other antiquated viewpoints, particularly toward the male selection process. "how is it that a gorgeous girl with a beautiful heart and mind gets treated so bad and is over looked and ignored" Putting that huge ego of yours in check for a moment, you're basically saying guys are wrong in choosing something other than obvious beauty, in other words that they are not shallow enough for you. Might want to bone up on the 21st century before you go there.

    • I beg to differ. I don't have a big ego and I don't want a shallow person. You pretty much misunderstood everything I wrote. But thanks for your attempt to give advice.

  • you'll eventually run into that good man. going by your description I would date you and treat you well so there is hope for you. just keep trying. guys do like good women.

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  • A man shouldn't treat you like a queen unless you plan to treat him like a king. Most guys want easy sex because sex is the most part of a relationship for most men- so it follows that if easy sex is available, there is really no reason for a relationship or commitment. I will say that I've been intimidated by some women who are very attractive (fear of denial). Also, with regard to appearance, men are visual creatures, so the more they can see, the more interested they will be (if the girls is pretty). If i were you, trying to meet a man who values morality and commitment, I'd join a group where you can find such people-church being the best example I can think of. Good luck!

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    • That's sad though. I would never just give away sex easily. And I have a really nice figure but I don't let everything hang out or expose myself. If that's what most men want I find that to be really sad. Thanks for your input and advice. =)

    • This video explains my perspective, hope it's helpful.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bbFrubb-AeM

  • because there are 2 in every 100 men that understand women. its very difficult because most men only understand but don't act upon women with this knowledge. I'm sorry to hear this but most guys do want good women, I know I'm out looking for her right now actually. I'm seeing 5 different girls atm and to be honest I still haven't found her. someone once told me that its only because of all the crappy people out there that make that special someone so special, because how are you supposed to know she/he is so awsome if you don't go through the not so awsome people. if you were to cross my path, I would have swept you off your feet right now and we'd be having fun, but fear not because I know there are many great men out there looking for women like you.

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    • Thanks =) I appreciate your comment. It just sucks to know that there are so many crappy people in the world. If everyone was more positive and thought in a good way the world would be a better place. I hope that one day you find your special lady. =)

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    • No problem, thank you as well. God bless.

    • same to you, may jesus be with you.

  • Well i could say the same thing about why girls go after douchebags but you probably heard that one before. If you think you have it bad, you should try being an unattractive guy and approach girls to try and get a date. Just appreciate what you have in life plus if you really are all these things you say you are "intelligent, funny, sweet, kind, attractive" then you will find a guy one day so i wouldn't worry about it. By the way, i'm curious about how many boyfriends did you want to have by this age since you said "only 2"?

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    • I just said that because most females my age have had way more boyfriends. I was just trying to make a comparison. But I guess it's good that I haven't had so many boyfriends. And yea that's true I guess it will happen when it's meant to happen. Thanks for your advice =)

  • They probably do find you intimidating or think you're "out of their league".

    As for me, I started going for "fast girls" because there are so many girls who pretend to be decent who are actually "fast girls". So many times I was told that the girl wanted to get to know me and I had no problem taking things slow, only to find out that they'd gone and had sex with some other guy the whole time. Destroyed my trust in any woman who acted like a "good girl".

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    • I'm sorry to hear that. I've had my trust destroyed as well from people lying to me. I hope that you can meet a girl who is actually a nice girl and not pretending. They are still out here.

    • I did eventually :) well she found me.

    • That's fantastic =) I'm glad you found a good one.

  • To explain why they are assholes towards you, its because we boys are taught to be bad-boys.. Mr. niceguy works at age 35+ when woman want to settle and actually see the light. Pre 35 its mostly seeking of adventure/excitement, so the bad boy and bad girl thing makes sense. Furthermore nowadays media brainwashes/conditions us to be a bad boy or bad girl.

    Have to agree with you, great characteristics like the ones you mentioned often seem obsolete when it comes to dating nowadays. Its just stupid if you ask me since someone should be able to be themselves. Instead it became one big act, completely neglecting the true "me".

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  • There are plenty of men that would absolutely lose their minds to be with you and treat you like a queen, but you may have be a little pro-active. The relationship type guys aren't the alpha males. It sucks for you girls, I know, since they're the ones with all the attractive qualities. Unfortunately they're busy being all alpha-y, and the guys that have always wanted families have been told that they're "week" and "gay" for wanting that. Try finding a quiet type and making the first move.

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    • Thats terrible. there's nothing gay or weak about wanting a family. Its a shame how the world is. And hmm I'll keep that in mind. But I have really bad approach anxiety. i don't know what to say to guys that i like or find attractive.

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    • lol! Gotcha. And thank you for your advice. =)

    • My pleasure!

  • First of all, I'm really sorry you had this endure all this crap. But not all guys are like that. Well, I know I'm not and there are decent guys out there interested in your type but we're a dying breed. I like girls who have standards, intelligent and have some morals. It shows that you have respect for yourself and it's a shame most girls are quite the opposite these days. Don't change. Stay as you are and I'm sure you'll eventually find that special someone. I'm 19, virgin and haven't had a gf because girls these days just don't fit the bill for me. I'm not the type that settles for anything. That doesn't mean I'm extremely selective, I just can't seem to find that special someone. But never give up. We're around. We're looking for girls like you but they're very elusive. You just have to look. Goodluck with that. All the best (:

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    • Thanks. I appreciate your comment. I guess when the time is right then it will happen. Looking for Mr. Right doesn't seem to be working so I guess Mr. Right will come to me when its meant to happen.

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    • hey I'm a bit old fashioned and I like being a gentleman. I'm chivalrous to a certain extent. That's just how I was brought up. Enjoy reading and writing, playing soccer... I'm really not the partying type and not into drinking/smoking to have fun life either. Don't get me wrong I'm not against drinking but there's a limit you know. I guess you can say I'm introverted but I'm very outgoing, warm and friendly as soon as the ice is broken. And i don't know really know where you can find guys of my type. I mean, I don't know specifically but they're usually the quiet, shy ones you see around all the time. Trying going to a library, coffee shops, church. I'm sure you'll find guys of that sort around places like that. It's my turn to ask, where do I meet girls of your sort? It's really hard finding good girls these days.

    • Hmm interesting, I'll keep that in mind. And, well I'm going to school right now so I suppose you can find girls like me at schools. I would say just because she's pretty doesn't mean she's a hochie or taken. She probably is the friendly type, nice to everyone. She's probably laid back. I think you can find good women in any location you just have to be in-tuned with yourself and go off of vibez. Your body will tell you a lot if you listen to it. She might also be into sports or activities.

  • You are meeting the wrong guys.

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    • How do you meet the right guys? Most if not all guys just look over me, they don't even bother to say hello or get to know me lol

    • Getting to know people is hard, no matter how you look at it. Initial contact is really hard as you don't know what to talk about. Meeting them needs luck, to be honest.

    • Hmm I see. Well I hope I get lucky, really lucky =)

  • I would kill for a good girl, but I assume pretty girls are taken. It's a bad thing, I know.

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    • There are girls out here who are all of that in one, pretty and good. Like myself lol. So if a girl is pretty you won't approach her?

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    • pretty girls are taken. but they are always looking for a good man, if you present yourself they will always be more than happy to leave their mediocre BF for a real, good man.

    • @pedro28 All pretty girls are not taken. I know that for a fact because I am single lol

  • I want a good woman. I want someone normal.. if that exists

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    • Me as well. I hope that it does exist and that we find it.

    • I am following you.. inbox me if you wish

  • I do like them wish I could find one

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    • I hope that you find a good lady one day.

  • Aweww baby you are born in a wrong country :(

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    • Maybe I was born in the wrong location lol

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    • Thank you for the advice, i appreciate it. And hmm I don't think I'm high maintenance, I dress pretty regular. lol yea too bad you aren't my neighbor lol

    • Hmm so nice of you :) :)❥

  • First of all tell me good women will always reign on top when it comes to choosing a women for marriage for a men and vice versa.

    Now exactly like you " I'm intelligent, funny, sweet, kind, caring, I have a big heart, I'm attractive" and I also have had only 2 relationships in my past I am 26.5 yrs. today, single.

    Now let me help you with it:

    First of all age is an important factor your age is 22 and most of the men (if you live in a developed country like USA, UK or Europe). So most of the people there don't want a permanent relationship they just want to have sex and replace women like tissue paper. When they get a better women they swap simple after all unlike you there priority is sex not love or relationship.

    Now you have to choose you want to stay a good women wait and find a guy who will be with you for the rest of your life or you want to drop your panties for every other sex maniac who wants to use you and leave you as soon as he gets a "hotter" girl to fulfil his desires.

    To sum it up Good men and Good women are the IV league of human race and when you are in that slot you just can not expect to be approached as much as bad or common people do. I also used to think like you and feel sad about being alone but I'd better wait for a nice girl than to marry a b****. So wait its worth it... don't loose hope there are equal number of good men around the world don't settle for a sex addict douche. Enjoy...

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    • Thank you so much. I really appreciate your comment. I think I will wait. You're right its better to wait then to settle for something less than what you deserve.

    • And in case you still don't find any good guy, you just let me know if I am single by that time. We'd marry each other :P

    • Lol =p

  • I thought I had a good one! but now we are married 8 years and she don't have much to do with me. this is number two and I will never do this again even if it means being alone.

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    • I'm sorry to hear that

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    • Thank you, I wish the same for you =)

    • People might change for some reason, but women can just fall out of love for no reason. In 50% of cases that will happen within 4 years, and it doesn't matter if you're a better man than ever. It doesn't matter if she can find nothing wrong, and can't think of anything that needs changing/improving.

      When that happens, the only reliable way to put some magic into the marriage is by doing a disappearing act.

  • I think you need to rephrase your question to "Why don't guys that I WANT & FIND ATTRACTIVE want good women anymore?".

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What Girls Said 2

  • Maybe you need to be more open with guys, be more friendly maybe even flirt a little. Just be more personable.

    None of these guys even know that you're a good girl. So trust me, that is not the reason why they don't want you. It's probably a standoffish vibe that you're giving out.

    You have to give people a reason to want to get to know you first. Being a good girl, even if you are beautiful, isn't good enough.

    Maybe some guys DO want to or TRY to talk to you but you hold back too much and it becomes awkward or it seems like you are not interested. You have to build chemistry with others. That doesn't mean you have to date or have sex with every guy you talk to but simply open yourself up more to get to know people, specifically men.

    Guys are going to want to be with you because they like YOU, not just because you are a good girl, that's just a plus... A lucky find for him.

    That's why guys are with girls who are known for being "fast or easy", its because they like them personally. It's not BECAUSE they are quick to have sex. If that was the only reason, then they wouldn't be marrying them or getting into serious relationships.

    Look at the other qualities besides "being fast" that these girls have to offer. They have other qualities besides being quick to have sex or dressing sexy, that are appealing to a man and attracts men who want to have relationships with these women.

    I'm a good girl and I've really never had a problem getting into a relationship. I'm currently in a relationship, have been for years and am Extreamly happy with my guy. I know guys who are in serious relationships with good girls and know plenty of good girls who are in relationships or have been. So I know for sure, you are wrong. Lots of guys like and want good girls.

    Hope this helps.

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    • I don't know, i'm pretty friendly with everyone and nice. And I talk to people, joke etc. I don't think I give off a stand off vibe. I'm usually always talking and smiling and kind. But right now I do think I don't want to try with relationships or guys anymore. After so much let down, bad experiences and heart ache i think I will just wait until it happens. If its meant for me to meet someone then I will. I don't want to give up on love and relationships etc even though sometimes I feel like it. instead I think I will just wait. But thats really nice, you're lucky that you never had a problem getting into a relationship and etc. I guess others aren't as lucky as the next person and we all experience different things.

  • I guess "good girls" aren't popular with most guys but you will find one guy who loves you and cares about you - start by being friends with guys so they can get to know your personality.

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    • I think it sucks and it's sad though... you would think "good girls" would be in-demand. And they wonder why they have so much drama, stress and problems later down the road.

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