Says he wants to take things slow, hurt in past, likes me but hooks up?

Hi everyone-
I've been dating this guy for the past 6 weeks. We really hit it off. Have a lot in common, similar sense of humor, and so-on.

Well, basically we started off being super flirtatious and sweet with each other. A few dates ago, he had told me he wanted to take it slow, but he does really like me. His one friend had told me that he doesn't stop talking about me. I had said, well why has he backed off a little then? To which his friend said, give it time, he's been really hurt in the past.

So have I. And we've hooked up twice now... and I told him that we shouldn't because I get emotionally attached, and he said he does too... I'm a boatload of confusion... should I run from this situation or be patient? I really do like him, but it makes me nervous with his hesitation.

Thanks guys.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Could go either way here, to be honest. Has he gone into detail about what happened in the past? Does he strike you as the player type? One thing with guys, we don't always want to date, but we still always want sex, they're two separate thing to us, or most of us anyway. Don't let your guard down, but don't completely put a wall up either. And that's advice I'd give you for dating in general. At the end of the day, you can only 100% trust yourself. I mean, you know this guy better than us. How did he take the idea of not hooking up? He said he gets attached like you, and if he's on the level, he should be down to go slow. But you can't have it both ways. You can't say let's take it slow, then hook up an hour later, haha. So have another conversation about where you see this going, where he's at, where you're at, and where you'd like it to be. The friend could be genuine about him talking about you all the time, but you never know if he's just helping his buddy out. Ultimately you'll have to go with your gut.

    Good luck!

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    • Hey- I really appreciate your help. He doesn't seem like the player type. And no, he has not gone into detail at all about what happened. But apparently whatever happened occurred with the last relationship he had. He had told me, "I don't want to think about things, I just want them to happen". I can semi-understand that, but I also need some sort of direction, you know?

    • No problem! Yeah, there's probably something rough on his resume, maybe she cheated or something. I'd just talk to him like I said, and say you're down to take it slow (if you are), but like you said, you need some direction. Just the knowledge that there will be a not-too-distant light at the end of the tunnel. Seems reasonable to me :-)

    • I think so as well :) Again-thank you!

What Guys Said 5

  • RUN!

    Sounds more like he wants the benefits of hooking up without the commitment of a relationship. Being hurt in the past is no excuse for being a user now.

    Alternatively, NO hookups with him. If he sticks around, he really does like you. If he doesn't... well, I was right in the first place.

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    • Great insight. Thank you. I need to talk to him. I hate being in limbo.

  • Be patient, his friend has even told you that he talks a lot about you so its obvious that he likes you,
    He only backs of because he is probably scared, so just go slow with him and let it show that you like him, just don't be too strong about it

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  • If you like him then be patient

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  • Don't wait around for him... live your life, he's playing you

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