I really hate that my expectations of being in a happy relationship have gotten so low; will I be alone because of it?

I'm really sick of being single, I'm coming up on three years of solitude. But I'm kind of a hopeless romantic. I used to think that being in love with someone felt like a cross between a Calvin Harris song and the finale of the cirque de soliel movie. The last time I was in love though, it wasn't quite that but I was still on quite a high. But... a lot of bad things... So now, I've been alone so long, and I don't get attracted to people the way normal people do cause it takes weeks to months of being friends before I start to like a person, and I cannot stand flirting and trivial small talk, so I feel like I'm not going to have that feeling again. And that I was setting myself up to fail. I'm more on the side that love is sort of a pleasant mutual tolerance. I don't want it to be that, but I just really don't think I'll ever feel like I did before. If I ever even find someone to be crazy enough to be with me. Is it okay to keep my hopes up, or am I finally just realizing the way the real world works?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I wouldn't quite put it as "keeping your hopes up", but simply having hope that things will turn out well.

    If you don't mind my asking, what are these "bad things" that you speak of? Abuse? Cheating? Manipulation? Regardless of what it was, it seems, based on this, that one thing you need to do is take some time by yourself to heal and evaluate your past choices and where you want to be in the future.

    I used to be the same was about "flirting and trivial small talk". However, I have two things to say about that. 1) I'm with you on flirting. These days, I'm of the opinion that the best "flirting" is the way that you naturally act around someone that you might be interested in, rather than intentionally trying to provoke certain responses. 2) It might help to work on "trivial small talk". The deepest conversations can arise from that. You just have to pay attention to what each of you are saying and know where to steer the conversation when a topic of interest comes up.

    I'm not sure if this would help you or not, but there's a book that I think you should read. It's a fairly short and simple book called Men, Women, and The Mystery of Love. Granted, I was coming from a slightly different angle than you seem to be, but I still found it to be very helpful.

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    • Thanks for this. I've only been in two relationships and they both pretty much did the same thing. Is been friends with them some years before dating, but the first kept comparing me to his ex girlfriend. And the second was super sweet but they would say they still loved their ex and text them when we were together even after telling me they'd never talk again. Then they started texting another ex, and even went out with a third when she came to visit for New Years. On New Year's Day no less. I just don't feel like I'm ever going to be happy because I'm not good enough, and that no one is ever going to treat me like they love me. Thing is I like me enough. I've done all the soul searching and I know what I want and deserve. I just know I won't have it.

    • Thanks for Best Answer. I hope things turn out well.

    • You're welcome. I hope so too.

What Guys Said 2

  • Both you and @Wixie are under 24. I'd say that's pretty early for calling it quits. You also seems to put your entire life value around whether or not you can land a man. There's more to life then that. Make your life and yourself inviting and people will come.

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    • Or our lives are fine and we only have the most trouble with this aspect of it? That's a thing. Definitely think that's a thing. Everything else is pretty copacetic.

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    • I'm afraid of losing interest in it because I'm a really emotional person and I love being connected to someone that way. And on the other hand I have lost interest because look where it goes? Why should I care now?

      The loss of interest isn't because of unsettled feelings. They're pretty settled, and I'm pissed about it. The only actual relationships I've had were with my friends. And if I can't even trust them to treat me well for at least a couple months, why should I trust someone I don't even know to want to try forever? It's pointless. But I don't want to be here. I've always been a hopeless romantic and I'm not ashamed of it, but it sure as hell isn't a blessing.

    • The wonderful thing about people you don't know though, is that you can get to know them they are full of possibilities. The genuinely happy couples first met somewhere somehow.

      Now whether or not you want to keep digging to find this happiness is entirely up to you. Some even wait for luck or faith to bring them happiness. Not an entirely bad choice either. The point is that it's your choice.

  • Where do all these girls who "hate being alone" are anyway?
    Gotta travel there O. o

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    • It's just me. At least it feels that way. haha I'm sure there's a few all over the place.

    • Welcome to the club =\

What Girls Said 1

  • I know exactly how you feel, yet I'm not strong enough to let it go.. Imagine being in a relationship yet your single, this is how I'm feeling. You just don't feel attacked to anyone anymore and that there's something wrong with you, i gave up love and being loved long time ago yet I want to feel something and be happy with someone, the love we watch in the movies isn't real, real world hurts, in order to find something similar we should love ourselves more than anything therefore you might find the right path in relationships, I'm not being stupid for giving advices i couldn't do myself but maybe your stronger than me and you'll find your way..

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