I'm really sick of being single, I'm coming up on three years of solitude. But I'm kind of a hopeless romantic. I used to think that being in love with someone felt like a cross between a Calvin Harris song and the finale of the cirque de soliel movie. The last time I was in love though, it wasn't quite that but I was still on quite a high. But... a lot of bad things... So now, I've been alone so long, and I don't get attracted to people the way normal people do cause it takes weeks to months of being friends before I start to like a person, and I cannot stand flirting and trivial small talk, so I feel like I'm not going to have that feeling again. And that I was setting myself up to fail. I'm more on the side that love is sort of a pleasant mutual tolerance. I don't want it to be that, but I just really don't think I'll ever feel like I did before. If I ever even find someone to be crazy enough to be with me. Is it okay to keep my hopes up, or am I finally just realizing the way the real world works?
Most Helpful Guy
I wouldn't quite put it as "keeping your hopes up", but simply having hope that things will turn out well.
If you don't mind my asking, what are these "bad things" that you speak of? Abuse? Cheating? Manipulation? Regardless of what it was, it seems, based on this, that one thing you need to do is take some time by yourself to heal and evaluate your past choices and where you want to be in the future.
I used to be the same was about "flirting and trivial small talk". However, I have two things to say about that. 1) I'm with you on flirting. These days, I'm of the opinion that the best "flirting" is the way that you naturally act around someone that you might be interested in, rather than intentionally trying to provoke certain responses. 2) It might help to work on "trivial small talk". The deepest conversations can arise from that. You just have to pay attention to what each of you are saying and know where to steer the conversation when a topic of interest comes up.
I'm not sure if this would help you or not, but there's a book that I think you should read. It's a fairly short and simple book called Men, Women, and The Mystery of Love. Granted, I was coming from a slightly different angle than you seem to be, but I still found it to be very helpful.0