What advice would you give to a guy who wants to give up on finding a woman so he can focus on things that make him happy?

My friend has this problem. He's miserable and he can't enjoy life because his confidence with women is shot. He feels that what he has physically, intellectually, and materially will never compare to other guys and he is ashamed to be a man in this world.

I have no idea what to tell him. He really wants to abandon his dream of finding a woman to love because he feels she will never love him the same for all his faults and flaws. I'm at a loss here. I wish I could help him end his pain. If only there WAS a way he could just stop desiring women. Maybe he could start being happy with what he has. He's not a bad guy I must admit. He's a great friend and we really appreciate him...


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Well... why not forget about girls for a while? He -should- focus on achieving his goals without the distraction of girls lol. And when he's done, he'll be more confident about himself and that'll certainly help with dating and whatnot. I mean- I'm kind of doing the same thing, not bothering with dudes anymore and I feel okay about it. I think people dramatize the need for women or men. It can wait.

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    • Texting and driving. It can wait.

      Sex. It can wait.

      Dunkin Donuts. It can wait.

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    • Knowledge is power. A knowledgeable and powerful dude once said that :)
      www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=slock

    • Lol, Bubba put a beatdown on Pee Wee with that slock! The thought of you as Bubba though...

What Girls Said 1

  • Sounds like a good life to me, being happy without a relationship.

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    • Right.

    • Well, this is just my opinion. You can be happy without a relationship. At your buddy's case, he should take a break and learn to be happy with himself before trying to get to girls again.

What Guys Said 3

  • Its not really a 'bad' thing if he insulates himself from women. But its obviously gonna affect him if this is not the life he wants. And I really feel for him. Due to the rise of feminism and gender role changes in recent years, its become RIDICULOUSLY tough for 'ordinary' men to earn a woman's love and affection.

    I'm sailing in the same boat as him. I was involved in a couple of relationships, but those were ages ago (more than 5 years back). Now I'm considered 'extremely unattractive' in women's eyes, for anything more than friendship. I haven't had sex either. I used to feel bad about this earlier. But now these things don't bother me at all, because I have realized that my life or my happiness need not be dependent on women. Women don't give a crap about me, and I don't give a crap about the, Its as simple as that. The women have made their choice, and I have made mine.

    If he ever feels lonely, he can get himself a pet dog or something. Pets always stay faithful, unlike humans who may cheat at any point.

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  • I'm going to say that there's very little that you can actually say to make him feel better and move on. From how you describe him, I'd guess that at this point words are meaningless. He's depressed and is looking at his faults and his faults alone. I think he needs to be looking for help dealing with, what sounds to me (from personal experience) to be severe depression. In the short term, any kind of ego boost would help. Get him out in public. Be on the lookout for girls looking at him. NOT to hook him up though. Just point out to him if you see girls giving him the once over. Right now his mind is a very dark, unhappy place to be. You need to help him see any good that might be near by. If that doesn't seem likely right now, get him out doing something he enjoys, or is good at. His confidence and self esteem are probably low to non-existent. He needs to be okay with himself before he can be okay with someone else, and he'll need the help of his friends to get to that point.

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  • Be a bro and either help him find a woman or help him achieve his life goals. Unless he's a very particular personality, I doubt he is willingly not desiring women. It just sounds like he's never had any particular good luck and maybe just needs to actually mingle with women to get more comfortable and more confident around them. If you have a girl friend or a friend that happens to be a girl, bring her around when you do things or go places with him. Its likely he just needs to build up his courage and self esteem. Once he realizes that girls are just girls and that rejection is a way of life, he can either move on or try his hand at getting a date.

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    • We've been out to clubs and it seems that the women don't particularly dig his features, if you know what I mean. He looks young. But yeah, good idea. Setting him up with a girl could get his confidence going but he's a proud guy that hates not being able to fend for himself. Freebies are like a slap across the face. That's why this issue hurts him so much. I'll see what I can do though. One step is better than no steps.

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    • Does he even know what he wants to do in life? If his job bothers him then that is already one thing its obvious he is not interested in and could certainly be part of the problem. The other thing could be money. If he's not still living at home or is simply unable to fund education, then it may be hard for him to get the proper credentials he needs to pursue his dream. I would really need a lot more details to give you a solid answer here, but your best bet is to just help him with whatever it is that he wants most.

      Motivation is like a domino effect and it goes in both directions. Work small and build up things to help him advance whatever problems it is he's having. If you're lucky you might start a self sustaining reaction where he can figure things out on his own.

    • He knows what he wants to do. He's going to college now but his progress has been kind of slow. He's 24 now and by the time he finishes and lands a job he feels a girl would respect him for, he will be 26-27 and 30 at the very youngest to have a Masters Degree. All the while, he's missing out on girls. It sucks for him. He's on the right path but the clock is ticking and he told me his greatest fear is achieving his goals but realizing he missed out on his life.

      Right now we're talking about starting a YouTube channel so he can start showing off that brain of his. That should make him happy.

      I just don't know what to tell him when it comes to girls because I'd basically echo his sentiments. Maybe get some whores? The girls I know are literally in my social circle because they are taken. It really boils down to a girl problem though. If you take away the girl factor, he would be a happy guy. What do you recommend?

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