How is this offensive what I said? Told her I wouldn't drink/talk to girls for her?

To sum it up:

This girl im talking to has an alcohol problem. She's getting help and im helping her with it.

This is our texting convo:

Me: Just letting ya know, (my school name) is known for it's partying and alcohol and girls. Just letting ya know i have no intention of getting involved with either just for you

Her: Um ok, good for you. Well I'm hanging with my friend tomorrow and I find him attractive, how the fuck does that make you feel?

Me: What? im just saying there's gonna be a lot of girls and alcohol up there, and im AVOIDING it for you

Her: you sound like a fucking tool. again i find my friend attractive, how does that make you feel?

Me: what are you talking about? im telling you im not going to talk to any girls when i go to (school name). Thats all im saying

Her: okay douchebag

Me: Rose I said this to reassure your trust in me when i go up there. Please dont do this to me :(

Her: No i am. what you're doing is rubbing shit in my face. so fuck you, including alcohol!

and it just goes on and on...

any opinions people? she's senstitive about alcohol as you can tell, but i dont get it. i just WENT OUT OF MY WAY TO TELL HER i'd be in an enviornment where alcohol and girls would be prominent but i wouldn't go near either.

  • You were wrong
    15% (2)0% (0)11% (2)Vote
  • you werent wrong
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And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Your heart's in the right place but I don't think your words came out right. She probably felt like this is some inconvenience for you, and that you think she's getting in the way of your "girls and alcohol up there."

    However I also think she really kind of overreacted and misinterpreted what you were trying to convey.
    Maybe the next time you talk to her, just explain that you only want to be supportive of her. Don't bring this up again... she probably doesn't want to think about it.

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    • Thank you, whats a good way to phrase this?

    • This is what I meant! lol.. Plus if she has an alcohol problem she will be having mood swings but I'm sure she will calm down and appreciate it.

    • I mean, say whatever you want, just don't go on about how much of a party school your school is... obviously it's upsetting her, for some reason or other. Maybe she's jealous at all the potential fun she can't be a part of with you, or maybe she's worried that you will get all caught up in the party scene, and I'm sure she's simply frustrated by her alcohol problem and how it affects those around her...

      Just don't make things a bigger deal than they are. Let her know that you're there for her anytime she needs you.

What Girls Said 11

  • You should've let her bring it up. I'm not saying that your wrong but I grew up with alcoholics and if they are just beginning her recovery then she'll probably twist things in a way that lets her continue to play the victim. I would say I'm sorry that I hurt you, that was not my intention.

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  • She didn't seem like she was insecure about it until you planted it in her head. And I dont see from that convo how she is sensitive to alcohol. And if she is, why would you bring it up? I think you were rubbing it in a bit to maybe make her jealous or paranoid? it seems like it anyway from what you wrote.

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    • All i said to her was "Hey there is going to be alcohol and girls and partying at this school, i will avoid it for you :)"

      how is that offensive?

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    • because its my school and full of it?

    • and is that sarcasm? you said "she'll get over it im sure..."

  • She sounds like a drama whore, very confrontational over nothing.

    It seems she took your words as you teasing her ergo her reply. Notice how she was all "Oh? You're going to a party full of booze and girls? Well, how do you like it that I think someone other than you is hot?"

    Very petty and childish. I would dump her.

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  • get rid of her wtf... she sounds like a bitch... sorry but it's true

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    • come on, thats like texting your bf out of the blue saying hey baby, im going to this party where there's gonna be so many guys and alcohol but I want you to know that I won't touch any of it. Just for you. thats a dick right there. sorry.

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    • Thats the thing... i'm the girl in that situation.

      my intentions werent anything but trying to be loyal to her and proving it.

      as i said, if my gf texted me "Hey baby, im going to a party where guys will hit on me, but ill reject them" then i would be happy. why would that be offensive?

    • no I think she should not have answered him that way, would you do that? I would NOT. Some guys will say stuff like that and you know what I'm ok with it, sometimes you need a little reassurance.

  • You didn't say anything wrong, but maybe she misinterpreted what you said somehow and thought you were having a go at her because of the alcohol, she's probably super sensitive about it. She sounds a bit unstable

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  • What you said wasn't wrong particularly, but I understand how she could have been a little confused. She may have also thought that you were trying to make her feel bad; like you were saying i'm going to do this for you so you have to do the same for me.

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  • I understand why she reacted the way she did. Why did you even need to bring up that you'd avoid other girls for her? If you're with her, it should be a given that you won't be chasing skirts at parties. Going out of your way to be like "you know there are soooo many hot girls here and sooo much temptation, but i'm going to avoid it just for you" makes you seem like a douche who's looking for praise over something he should be doing anyway.

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    • I just said "Hey, there's alcohol, girls, and parties here. this school is known for it. but im gonna avoid it for you :)" most girls would feel special to that

    • I wouldn't. If you're with someone, of course you're not going to be super active in those things... every college has parties, alcohol, and girls. That'd be like if she were to go "hot guys hit on me every day but I'm going to avoid fucking them just for you." Like... duh... congrats on being a decent human being.

    • Agree completely

  • if anything she sounds like the bloody tool (no offense intended) you did nothing wrong and i dont know why on earth she would rub something like that in your face when you were reasuring her that you wouldn't be with any girls that night and that you, by refusing to drink alcohol, just proved that you were being a supportive boyfriend.

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  • She took everything you were saying the wrong way. Take some time off from talking to her and try to explain later in different words what she means to you, that you did it for her, not because you felt obligated to.

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  • I don't think you said anything wrong, she just took it to whole different level. Texting always sucks in a fight situation, its always better to call or talk face to face so that words and tones don't get mixed up.

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  • I would of been wondering why he brought it up in the first place. I understand why she's mad

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    • to show that im loyal?

      why would she be mad? im totally confused. is she gonna go tell all her friends "So this guy said he's gonna avoid alcohol and girls just for me, ugh what a dick!"

      like really?

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    • that was my intention, trying to sound and look good.

      i am NOT a try hard tho, this was just the occasional nice gesture i do for her.

    • You didn't do ANY nice gesture. You were just looking for praise from her. It was a selfish thing. So yeah, I understand her completely

What Guys Said 6

  • This is the problem with texting. She is obviously mis-reading your 'tone' if you will. She's reading it with a snotty tone to your voice and she's getting pissed at what she 'thinks' you mean. Solution (if it's not already too late)? Telephone her and maintain a calm voice. Tell her what you meant casting no blame on her whatsoever (not, I think that you misunderstood. Do, I think that somehow I may have failed to communicate my intent.) See the diff? The second one avoids the use of the word 'you'. She sounds really volatile and if she is early on in her rehab she is just looking for excuses and she's got a good one. YOU! After all, in her eyes you were completely rude, condescending, demeaning, etc. If she's as far gone, as I'm thinking she is, cut her loose and wish her well.

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  • This girl is crazy. Leave her alone. You're just frustrating yourself by dealing with her. She's unstable and nothing you say/do will change that. She won't start realizing how dumb she is until you're not around to help her anymore.

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  • What are the odds of her being plastered during that conversation?

    It might be because of where you you started the transcript but it does seem out of the blue on your part. On the other hand, she did overreact and/or misunderstood you.

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    • plastered meaning drunk?

      and yes it was out of the blue, but i thought me saying something like "hey here's a reason to trust me because ___" would be good

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    • She will text me again, this is not the end of it. most likely it will be for friendship, but i am going to hold my grounds for "Wanting to date"

      when she does text me again, what should i be saying? i will not apologize, you're right, i would just like to simply get the ball rolling and get her to see that she's wrong.

    • Don't even mention the incident again, like it doesn't faze you. And drop the idea of trying to prove her wrong, it feels needy. Talk about things going on in your life.

  • She's just playing games, drop her ass tonight.

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  • Avoid her. I don't know if you're interested in her or not, but even if you are, cut your losses and run.

    She seems incredibly easy to set off, very petty, very immature, and mentally unstable. She's intentionally trying to make you jealous (I guess?) for no real reason. She's flipping out over nothing. She's getting virulent over something you're specifically NOT doing. She's twisting your words into personal attacks. If you're actually helping her overcome alcohol addiction, and she's doing this number to you, then you'd be much better off leaving her to her own devices.

    Don't slowly de-escalate things, don't try to talk things over, just cut contact. Seriously. This girl sounds like she needs to be in a mental hospital.

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  • You sound too needy, like a puppy dog and she sounds like a total cretin.

    Man up and drop this idiot.

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