23, Never had a boyfriend and I've worried/nervous about dating?

I've never had a boyfriend and the fact that I'm 23 makes me feel like such a loser.
This might sound arrogant but I'm attractive and generally don't have a problem getting guys to ask me out. Unfortunately, most of them haven't been such nice guys and I'd rather avoid jerks.
I've only been on a few dates.
I have such little experience in the dating scene that the thought of dating or have a bf kind of scares me. I feel like most guys wouldn't want to be with someone like me and that makes me want to avoid dating which only adds to my inexperience.
I know I'm putting myself through this cycle and I don't know what to do.

Any advice?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Wouldn't say you're a loser at all, sometimes life just works out that way. The fact that you think you're attractive is a good thing, it means you haven't resorted the whole "I haven't had a boyfriend, I must be shit" mindset, which is A: wrong and B: not at all helpful.
    I have a good friend who I think is at least decently attractive (bit hard for me to judge really) and he's never really had a girlfriend (he's 21). As far as I know there's nothing wrong with him, and our other friends and I are always kind of wondering why it is since he seems cool and normal to us. Sometimes it just happens that way, life can be weird like that.
    Your reluctance to date is understandable, it's a pretty big leap from single to dating, there's a lot involved. That being said, if you want to swim in the pool you're gonna have to get in at some point. You can edge in, you can jump in, but you've got to give it a shot. Fortunately you're at an age where a lot of guys aren't really looking for anything serious. Also there are likely a fair number in a similar situation as you. Look for the introverts (we're generally great people, just a bit tougher to get close to).
    Well done avoiding the jerks so far, I'd say if you're mostly getting interest from them you should change up your surroundings a bit. Join a club or get involved in something to meet people you share interests with. Explain to a guy who's interested that you aren't very experienced with relationships and if you've found a good one they'll be happy to accommodate/learn with you.
    Hope this helped, feel free to comment/msg with questions. Best of luck.


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What Guys Said 3

  • These kind of question are always hard to answer with an 100% hit ratio. I make it sound like a game lol but seriously, this has all got to do with you and understanding you will either have to wait until the right guy approaches you or step up the game and approach the guy that you find interesting. Or you could get lucky some other way.

    For the most part those guys who have the guts to walk up to girls and ask for dates normally have a high self image of themselves, have big egos or simply are sex hungry. That's just the truth. Most "good men" you're looking for are not gonna approach you in the sense. You're gonna have to meet them in a more fashionable way, a more unique way. Like this, a scenario pops up where you need help and a man is willing to help, you look at him in the eyes and connect with each other instantly. You know you both have interest in each other and begin dating and finding a bond. Sounds a bit cliche when I put it that way but how else would you meet a man you really want?

    You have to choose, not them.

  • Don't let this situation make you think less of yourself. Like you said most of these guys have been jerks, and jerks normally have no problem coming up to a good looking girl and asking her out cause they assume she'll say yes. Usually the nice guys that you're looking for aren't always so outgoing and willing to just ask a girl out if they don't know them that well.

  • What you think about someone being in their 40's and a virgin so no it's not weird to 23 and virgin


What Girls Said 2

  • What stood out to me was when you said:

    "I feel like most guys wouldn't want to be with someone like me and that makes me want to avoid dating which only adds to my inexperience."

    We cannot control how guys are but what you do have control over is your mentality. The quote above is not really a great mentality to have. You're afraid (which is understanding) but you're letting it preventing you from taking a chance. Period. Im not saying you should fall head over heels for a guy quick fast & in a hurry. Im saying.. its nothing wrong with taking baby steps. First u have to work on yourself. Identify how u may play a role in all of this. I know that it may not be the only reason but its a start. u never know. u might discover a lot of things that can help u.
    As far as being 23 years old and never having a bf... Always make the BEST of your current situation. Enjoy the single life while u can. The more u worry about it the worst ur gonna feel. Let time, experience & growth guide you to a healthy, happy relationship. All the best hun.

  • If you truly want to date someone but are too scared to date because you're inexperienced, then you need to break out of your shell. It's always going to be a constant cycle until you finally say yes to a guy. It doesn't matter if the guy hasn't been nice several years ago as long as they've been nice and still are nice now.