Men of the World: Would you date a woman with health problems? More details within. Would really value your opinion!?

I'm a 24 year old female, and don't have a lot of confidence when it comes to dating, mostly because of my medical history. I think my dating range is about 25-40 years old.

In 2009 I was diagnosed with brain cancer and given 18 months to live. I survived that, and went into remission. My tumour affected my cerebellum, which plays a role in motor control. As a result, I'm a little uncoordinated and unbalanced, but it's not obvious unless I have to do something out of the ordinary. I also have a hand tremor, which means my hands shake whenever I move them.

When I had chemotherapy, my immune system became weak and I developed an autoimmune condition known as lupus (SLE). It's not contagious, and at the moment is causing mostly peripheral problems (e. g. rashes, sore joints, headaches), but does have the potential to affect my vital organs in the future.

This year, I had a recurrence of my cancer in my ovaries, but caught it quickly, treated it, and am now fine again. Otherwise I consider myself a fairly typical 24 year old. I already have two degrees in psychology and I want to use my experiences to help other people in similar situations, so am just about to begin a masters degree in health psychology, and hopefully then go on to do a PhD.

My illnesses have made me realise how short life is, and I try to live each day as if it's my last and enjoy each moment.

I'd really like to find a partner to go through life with, but I don't know if all of my medical issues are a problem for men. I'm in remission from cancer and my lupus is under control, but my hand tremor bothers me the most as it makes me stand out from other people my age. It is obvious when I eat, drink, hold hands with someone, or basically do anything involving my hands.

So, if you were interested in me otherwise, would you date me? If not, what would bother you? The cancer, the tremor, something else?

If you could please include your age, I would be very appreciative!

Thank you!!!


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Dating anyone with any kind of ailments is very tough. Your lover could easily become your caretaker at any moment in time and it takes a lot of strength for someone to make that sacrifice in their life to take care of the person that they love. Especially at a young age. One of the strongest women I know is married to a man that has Parkinson's Disease. His disease is so bad that he can't speak very well and needs to spend most of his time in the shade. Especially on hot days, and his hands shake pretty bad. Seeing what kind of person it takes first hand to be able to be with that person despite their physical conditions takes a lot of strength, love, and determination. If I truly care about the girl and was interested in her despite having hand tremors and brain cancer. I would have no problem being sacrificing part of my life taking care of the person that I love so that way their life could be better.

    The cancer would be the hardest part knowing that it could come back any time and I could lose the person I care about, but at the same time I think that would make me cherish every second I am with that person more than ever and make my relationship with that person that much stronger. So, if I were interested in you I would date you. Although, apparently I'm too young since I'm only 23 years old.

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What Guys Said 20

  • I would date someone with health problems, yes. In a heartbeat, and without hesitation.

    Firstly, the determination and courage you've mustered up to face this is nothing short of INSPIRING. How could I ever NOT want to be around a person like that? The admiration factor would be through the roof.

    Secondly, I often think that people (and especially GaGers) underestimate how valuable REAL love is. I honestly think that a lot of people don't get how precious and finite it is in the real world... people spend their entire lives searching for it, and die having never found it or never allowing it into their heart.

    It's a real tragedy, quite frankly, and if someone were to forgo the pursuit of that type of love simply because their romantic interest has a medical issue, then I'd say shame on them, and I'd pity them for it.

    The type of person that's worthy of you will not discount you for this. Just keep doing what you're doing, and amazing things will continue to happen for you in your life. :-)

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    • Great inspirational post too :) You see asker, you inspire people with your lovely post :)

  • Wow... I'd find you inspirational and wouldn't hesitate to spend time with someone like you. Unfortunately health issues happen in life and the character you have shown to overcome them is amazing to say the least.

    You would get shallow men that would find your external challenges off-putting and my opinion is that these types of men are simply way below your league and not worth even considering. It's more important what is in your heart and in your spirit. You would be a very rare find for any man worthy of your exceptional courage. I wouldn't hesitate for a second to get to know you... :)

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  • I'm not deterred from health problems. Me liking a girl will come down to if I like her as a person while having a physical attraction. Hand tremors would not bother me :) like at all. I love your interest in psychology. I think going through things like these can build great character and appreciation for life which is attractive. If I dated you and I really liked you, I'd probably want to take extra special care for you knowing what you've been through.

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  • m 57... clearly way too old for you, so i won't address whether or not i would date you. At best i can say that, back in that stage of life, i don't see your condition per se as excluding you from me asking you out, but i do believe i would consider my own capacity for rising to your needs. Really it would be no different than taking on responsibility for helping anyone i loved, regardless of circumstance. Damn, as odd as it may sound, given the maturity that i did not have back then, this might even be preferable, as you would be trained to help me help you.
    That being said, i think your optimal choice here is to consider guys in your field, health psychology. They are undergoing the training to understand all the intricacies of your situation

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  • I would date you if I lived the the country that you do. I geniunely feel very sorry for you and wished I had powers to give you a normal life. I will keep you in prayer nonetheless. What I like about you is that you live each day as if your last and understand how short life is. This is what most people don't see, life is indeed short and fragile, so live it well.

    And wow, you are intelligent! Haha 2 degress at 24, that is sure impressive.

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  • oh sh*t... hope you'll find a cure soon. now to answer your question, sorry but i'd not do. I'd find it really painful and depressing :(

    I'm 23 by the way

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  • I appreciate everything you had to say. It's touching to read and makes me intrigued to get to know you better. I've had health problems in my life as well. In fact I wouldn't be as passionate as I am today if it weren't for that fact. I care about health more than anything these days because of my past. I am thankful for that fact.

    You seem to be very intelligent and have an invaluable perspective I'm sure. I think any person would be blessed to have you close in their lives. I know I sure would be. I am 24

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  • Yes, I would. Everyone deserves a chance at love. I mean it sincerely. Good luck to you, and good luck on making an impact with peoples lives when you get your PhD.

    <3

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  • Sure, as long as it's nothing contagious, I'd date you. In fact it makes no difference to me. I had to like your looks and character just like dating any other girl.

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  • I would date you if I found you good looking and your personality is alright. I try not to worry about that other stuff.

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  • Well i wouldn't right now because im only a minor, but to me medical comditions are things that tou can't control and id probly be able to see your true beauty!!! So if i can even in my adolescence then im sure that mature men could love you too!!

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  • I think I probably would if I was faced with that situation. If I started to care about someone, even if I knew right away they had health issues, I don't think I could leave them over something like that. I would feel pretty disgusted with myself If I abandoned someone close to me in their time of need. I'm 21 by the way.

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  • I am 22 and i would definitely date you, A person who knows how to fight the life really is a person to admire

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  • I'd date you. To me it doesn't matter about medical conditions, disabilities, problems or anything like that. If anything you'd be a lot more interesting then a lot of other people as you have real life stories. I'm 19 by the way

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  • I would suggest making friends an going from there. I honestly do not see anything that would stand out least to me. If some one is going to be with you they should accept all of you or any one not sit there an pixk an chose.

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  • My friend is engaged to a woman with lupus, so some men would. Myself, I would not.

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  • I would not date you, but its not your health problem. Its my nature, I am "extremely sensitive and emotional" if in any case I loose you, I might suicide (or else become like a living dead body) and I want to live coz I haven't lived at all in the past 26 years to be true.

    I am 26 years old.

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    • Also dating is not like most people for me, I fall too early for the emotional attachment and stuff. May be like in the first date itself and than its not possible to go back for me or forget it.

    • I feel this post.

  • Honestly, if you were my love, i wouldn't care what health issues you had or have. I would've lived each day as the last day of ours, fighting all the issues and taking out the best feom life. I would have noted down every single wish of yours and would have started completing it from the very first day. Would have prayed hard for you and would have taken you out from the darker part of life. And if if if, your health issues asked you for your life then i would have died with you (i always want to be with my love either alive or dead)..

    You are very lucky and very strong that you survived this things.. Why would anyone say no to you cause you are special

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    • Corrections

      Foem is from
      This is these

      And i am 18 :)

  • I have dated a girl who had throat cancer (so I would mostly tell things on the basis of my personal experiences with her ) . and there are my own reasons why I 'd love to date them
    > they want to live each n every moment fully so It gives me opportunity to share this spirit with them. otherwise I live on according to my daily scheduled life.
    >I love when she'd ask me to help her in daily things . when I help her like in feeding , assisting her in moving around , help her sleep when she becomes restless. and then I just look in her eyes they become so full of love I can't even describe it.
    >and they never are possessive like other normal people. they always think best for you.
    and best of all they love you just like anything probably because they think that you are their last love. so they want to live it fully too.
    and there are many things which you can only feel with such persons.
    because realizing that you are gonna leave soon is such a big thing it changes people and their attitude toward life completely.

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  • You know i was in a similar situation as you when i was 19. Had a very aggressive Thyroid cancer. Three surgeries later at 33, i'm still dealing with it. It sucks bringing it up when dating, some people just can't deal with it i guess.

    To answer your question. If i found you attractive and we got along, yeah i would date you. It wouldn't bother me at all. Unfortunately, guys your age probably wouldn't be mature enough to deal with i bet.

    You sound really strong to go through all that and i hope you find a great guy that deserves your company.

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What Girls Said 3

  • Not a man, but i would date you in a heartbeat. You sound like an intelligent, determined person. That's immensely attractive.

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  • I am so sorry to hear about your history with cancer. I lot a family member to leukemia, and my dog has some unknown form of cancer in his right shoulder. The tumor is so large that we cannot remove it without amputating his leg and damaging his chest muscles.

    I suffer from Schizophrenia and Major Bipolar Disorder. I don't need to elaborate on how that affects my life.

    I hope no boy ever turns you down for a date just because you have a history of health problems. You sound like an amazing, strong-willed young woman, and, personally. I would be thrilled to date you.

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  • I am very sorry to hear your story. You are amazing. Illnesses' come to test us, how much we love life. You love life and you totally deserve to live it.

    I feel your warm heart and it melts me :) Nothing beats a real love. Your treatment, your condition will not effect your love life. Because real love bears all. I sincerely wish a lovely person as you. Because you deserve it :)

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