Should I stop going after men that I find very physically attractive because most turn out to be narcissistic a******s?

I'll admit, I'm a little superficial and mostly go after guys I find attractive. I can't help it even though I seem to be the one chasing the guy. These types never seem to pursue me or just give slight interest and I get so excited. Maybe I come off as too eager

Anyways the guys I find OK looking like me but I brush them off because they don't give me that lust feeling. They're actually better guys than the ones I go after but by the time I realize that I feel so bad for brushing the guy off and I lost my chance.

I'm 19 and have never had a bf. How can I stop making looks initially everything?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I think you would do well to realize that initial attraction isn't the only kind of attraction. When you get an okay looking guy with a great personality, their personality will work its wonders and you will start seeing them as more than just okay looking. Start going for the guys who will treat you well.

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    • Well for me if I'm not initially attracted I see the guy as just a platonic friend and then Sometimes I start to find him attractive but his awesome personality got to me... I've never confessed my feeling of course but I'm not friends with any of them anymore

    • You need to start training yourself to think of *every* guy as a potential romantic partner. Get rid of the idea of guys being "platonic friends", and to the degree that you think they are "unfuckable", make sure that you remind yourself: "unfuckable thus far". Ruling people out from the very beginning, either by thinking they're unfuckable or platonic pals, will just get you trapped in your own friendzone.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Try going after the okay-looking guys. Physical attraction is important, so don't go for guys you aren't attracted to, but believe me, a good personality can take an okay-guy to super-hot. It's happened to me. And maybe play a little hard-to-get, although honestly I'm terrible at that because I hate playing games.

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What Guys Said 4

  • I workout a lot and get complimented on my looks so I'll throw in some input on these guys I notice at the gym. Many of them you can spot as narcissistic WAY early on! I seriously don't know how some girls don't spot this trait sooner. If he's always talking about himself and doesn't show any signs of modesty, that's your hint right there. Like I recognized one guy who got a job being a personal trainer at my gym and I thought he worked at a supplement store. When I mentioned that and realized I was mistaken he said something like "he musta been really hot!" I and I was very confused because well... I'm not gay.

    Now physically attractive guys have many different issues. They're either very cocky, addicted to the gym, have self esteem issues (constantly feeling they don't look good enough, overly analyzing little things about them that they don't like, feeling too small, etc.), and/or overly self absorbed.

    With that said, all you have to do is see if he's interested in you the same way you're interested in him. Looks do matter! Do not deny that. Just make sure you are looking for other elements of attraction. If the guy's constantly sending selfies of himself shirtless to you, just skip over him. If he has the decency to ask you how you're doing (something girls barely ever do these days), that'll show he's interested in you.

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    • Funny you should mention the gym!
      The guy who inspired me to ask this question is actually a personal trainer. I wouldn't have guessed that at first since he wears glasses and is smart.
      In my mind before I got to know him better I thought he was a "hot nerd" he had a nice toned body and made friends easily but he wasn't the usual dumb beef head... Later I learned that he thinks he's always right and is very opinionated.

      He also said he can 13 miles in an hour and use to be 15 lbs heavier of muscle.

      Now me I'm kinda nerdy but don't look like it, I act like though-smart, quiet and keeps to herself. I barely got dolled up because I thought oh it's summer school I just want to pass the class and forget dating. I wasn't planning to get a crush or attached to any guy!

    • And no he's not sending me selfies ah haha I don't think I'm his type but we exchanged numbers in case I needed help (he suggested that) I've only texted him once for actual help and since then haven't. He didn't even say you're welcome when I said Thanks so I know he's not into me... It's cool I'll go for average guys since I'm an average girl I guess

  • You can't welcome to human nature the only difference you are one of the few females who is honest enough to admit it the heart wants what it wants don't stop going after hot guys eventually you will find a hot guy and who has a good personality why not have both? Is what I always say

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  • You could stop watching television, for a start. It's already brainwashed you far too much. Life's not like the movies where the hero is always handsome. Hollywood has a lot to answer for.
    Then remember : The devil always comes dressed as a saint.
    Also remember : A statue can be good looking, but isn't much fun to be with.

    I think you've figured out why these superficially good looking men don't take you seriously. They've all got 10 women chasing them, so you're very disposable/replacable and they don't have to try hard.

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  • its pretty difficult to be hot and not narcissistic. i dont blame them realy

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What Girls Said 4

  • I feel like more often than not guys who are used to being seen as gorgeous learn to get over themselves or not be so cocky. The crazy ones learn to hide any narcissism well.
    It's the guys who suddenly become really good looking who usually don't handle it well.
    Almost like somebody handing you 1 million dollars randomly and you having to not go bezerk with it.

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    • Haha true I had a little moment myself after high school when I first went to college. For the first time in my life I had a lot of male attention and thought I was the shit
      But after a while I got mad it was only my looks they liked and stopped thinking I was all that because I wasn't the total package or they'd stick around longer

    • I couldn't agree more.

  • Maybe they're out of your league, stay in your lane and mess with guys on your level

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  • Get some self-esteem

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  • Just don't act on it, ignore them

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