How to tell him about embarrassing medical issues?

Hey there! I'm new on here but I figured that this seemed like a great place to get some opinions/advice.

For starters, I'm an average 23 year old. I would consider myself attractive and successful in my field. That being said, I have a "not so average" problem.

I have wet the bed periodically my whole life, it comes and goes (more coming than going here lately though). Doctors have said it's probably due to stress. I've been exhibiting daytime problems here too that have been diagnosed as urge incontinence, that has landed me in some terribly embarrassing situations. It really sucks hah!

I'm really embarrassed about all these problems and very nervous about mentioning these things to the guy I'm seeing, because I know I'll have to tell him eventually. I have been avoiding sleepovers with him but I can only keep that up for so long. And with the daytime issues... Ugh. On top of it all, I had an adverse reaction to the UI meds my doctor prescribed so he has suggested I use "protection" when needed.

I really like the guy I'm with and he seems caring and understanding enough but I feel like this is just such a huge turn off. And with the prospect of wearing diapers... I feel like no one would want to be intimate with me just knowing that. Any guys or girls have suggestions on how I should break the news, or if I should at all? Would you date a girl with these problems?

Updates:
Btw, if I did decide to "wear" it would only be at night.
We have been dating for 4 months. We have a healthy sexual and emotional relationship, minus me not wanting to sleep with him.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • To me, while it sucks for you, it's not something that would be a deal-breaker for me. An occasional inconvenience, perhaps, but something I could accommodate and adjust to.

    But I'd definitely WANT TO KNOW, because I would be very bothered by the fact that my GF didn't want to spend the night with me. It would be a lot easier to accept UI as the reason than to imagine what she might be doing, or how she might be feeling, when she wasn't around, after knowing I wanted her to be.

    So, IMO, tell him ASAP. Be honest, and while you should expect the worst (he can't handle it and breaks up with you), you can also hope for the best. But the sooner you get your answer, the better. If he can't handle it, it's easier to find out now than a year from now, and if it's not a big deal to him, then that's going to make your relationship that much stronger.

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What Guys Said 9

  • At first reading it sounds bad but not much worse than a girl who has her period, wearing pads. The problem is that it doesn't stop after 4 days. I sincerely hope for you there is a medical solution to this or that it will change and become infrequent over the years.

    On one hand:
    *-If you tell it too early, he might be afraid and run away
    *-if you give him the time to appreciate all your qualities he'll maybe accept you despite your condition.
    On the other hand:
    *-The longer you hide it, the harder it will hit him the day you tell it.

    I can only say 'Good luck!'

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    • Btw, I don't know any but I read this condition isn't very rare with women after childbirth which turned bad.

    • Thanks, that's true. UI is quite common, bedwetting, not so much hah. Thanks for the input!

    • My wife had an lot of UTIs since the birth of our son. No other problems (at least in that region).

      But urine loss after childbirth is not rare at all. Sometimes it's muscular (needs Kegels then), other times a nerve that was hurt or even worse: rupture of the urethra. Of course I'm not informed but my guess is that most couples don't divorce if that happens.

  • Just find a guy that is into golden showers! Match made in heaven! Problem solved!

    I've pissed the bed a few times as an adult. I know your situation is way worse, and I am sorry for that. But every time I did piss the bed it was because I was too lazy to take a piss before I went to bed. Weirdly enough, most times I did piss the bed I did it during a dream that I was pissing somewhere other than a toilet!

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  • it´s really weird but i´d want to be told this at some point. for me it would be best, if you just straigt up told me honestly.

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    • i´d understand though and try to help you if i could and somehow make it work.

  • i would date you even with this condition however if you haven't tried this already you should try to stay up untill you gotta take a piss then go pee and right after go to bed

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  • Hi, nice to meet you.
    My name is Marco, you seem to be a nice person and quite open minded girl, surely due to your issue.
    in my opinion to deal with this kind of issue you need a high willpower, because the other people normally tend to be spiteful toward the People who have some issues, above all if the issues are quite embarrassing.
    However a person who loves you, should love all of you, even your issues, this is very important!
    I would not embarrassed at all if my wife start to have some urine leakage because i love her even if she wet the bed where we sleep... a part from the fact that we must change all the bed linens ahaha
    Of course there are some people that would be disgusted by such thing... but there are other, like me, that accepts without any problem a situation like this.
    So, in my opinion you should speak freely to your boyfriend, and lie down with him, with or without diaper it doesn't matter...
    However I'd like to have a little chat with you... If you want...
    Thanks
    Wish you the best

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  • I'm going to be totally honest with you and am not meaning this to be offensive (truly). You need to get that issue handled because that is going to turn off many men big time.

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    • Hence why I'm seeing a doctor, some issues can't be fixed.

    • Like I said I am not trying to be offensive by any means. However, I don't want to sugar coat or lie to you as people ask questions for truthful answers and, as a man, if I woke up or worried about waking up to that I would be frustrated (and I am extremely understanding). I bring up my own personality type because most guys would be horrified to either find that out or wake up to it. My suggestion, handle it to the very best that modern medicine can take you, and then, when the time comes, lead him into it (ie: don't just say "I wet the bed" but edge toward it so you don't scare him off).

  • True love can look over pace makers. ... colostomy bags... braces... diapers... missing limbs... moles and crooked smiles----- it's whats on the inside that keeps 2 people 2gether. Damn I need to get a job at Halmark

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  • I'd be a little turned on haha
    and there are some guys that find girls in diapers is hot.

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  • I would be intrigued by it and make you sleep naked, that's what showers are for... just don't pee on me every night cause I need some sleep

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What Girls Said 2

  • If he really cares about you, this Seemingly 'Caring and understanding' guy, then sit him down and have a serious open lines of communication talk with him. I believe, that no matter What the problem, mentally or physically, if someone cares enough And eventually even loves someone Enough, then they will do this unconditionally, with no qualms whatsoever, sweetie.
    It's time, during the days and months that you both have been nursing and nurturing your relationship, to find out where you stand with him. He's either a keeper or a fair weather friend.
    Good luck, God bless. xxx

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    • Thank you for the kind words! It's nice to know that some people are accepting.

    • Ye, sweetie, there are many of us who are... Recently, my husband out in Egypt became very ill very awhile, but no matter what, I told him I would not desert him when he needed me the most. Of course, he was stubborn and said he was no good for me any more, but it didn't matter, for I loved the Man, Not what He Had to give me... xx

  • Tell him how you feel

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