What can I do to improve? What are my dating prospects?

My girlfriend and I broke it off after struggling through the latter part of a month and a half of dating.
I wasn't sure of my feelings of her, and she also felt that the spark died out.
When I asked what I may have done wrong in the relationship, she told me that I couldn't communicate well. She said I should talk... about anything, it didn't matter. She felt I wasn't opening up very well, and she felt isolated.

I'm an introvert. I compartmentalize everything inside. I don't talk unless I have something good to talk about. I don't do small talk.
I could be called boring... rigid... closed-off. Some of that is true.
I'm an intellectual. I'm not accustomed to seeking out people, to expressing my emotions. In an MBTI sense, I'm an INTP.
I've also gone through some terrible experiences in the past that turned me off dating for a long... long time, and I have put up barriers to my heart and emotions.

I failed in the relationship, and I do hurt a little after walking away. I crave a meaningful relationship, but I don't think I can accomplish one. I feel like the Greek figure, Tantalus, where a relationship is in view, and I want one, but when I reach out it recedes and my thirst is unquenched.

There are several women who have shown me interested in the last year, yet I don't think I'm worth dating them as I feel things will inevitably collapse. I'm projecting a future of loneliness, and I think I should just give up on ever finding a woman.

What can I do to improve? Am I dateable, or am I too flawed? Would anyone date me?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • You'll need someone similar to you maybe or someone who accepts you the way you are. I kinda feel like you as i'm also an introvert, but with relationships, i understand that there has to be some compromising taking place at some point to ensure it remains healthy. Sometimes it's easier said than done, but when you find the one you'll know.

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    • Honestly, that seems far-fetched. I'm not a guy to normally approach women (I'm shy in that regard) so I lose out on a lot of potential relationships.
      I think that is is certain possible, but only to the extent you are willing to revolving-door date. You need a specific personality for that, and the one I exhibit doesn't fall in that category.

What Girls Said 2

  • I think what you can do to improve is to work on your self-consciousness. Also try to stop projecting that bad things will happen in relationships or that potential relationships won't work out. What you project often becomes reality. So if you are thinking things won't work out with a girl, chances are they won't. What often happens with projecting is that we subconsciously put out bad vibes that get picked up by our partners and those around us. This in turn affects our relationships with those people My advice is to stop projecting these things. We never truly know what is in other people's hearts. Instead of preparing and waiting for impending doom. Try to take a chance and hope for the best. This will definitely take time and work on your part.

    Take some time to work on things as well with what your ex said. She mentioned you had issues communicating, so work on communication. I'm doing online dating and communication comes up a lot.

    I know that communication can be hard, especially nerve wracking when you are trying to figure out if someone likes you. But it's best to talk to them. Communicate, you don't have to be an expert or a master of conversation, but have some topics you can talk about. It's always easiest and best to bond over shared interests. Not sure what her interests are? Ask. If you aren't sure what something is or want to know more, ask. Ask Ask Ask! Ask her how she got started in the hobby, what she likes most about it, how she became interested in it. Questions like that really get her to open up.

    Try to keep mental notes about these things for use later down the road. If you two stay together, knowing some key things might help you be a really good bf. You can use them to plan surprises, have an idea of what to get for presents. Or even get involved in her hobbies with her. You definitely sound dateable. There aren't many people who aren't dateable. The only one's who are un-dateable are the one's who close themselves off from others

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    • I appreciate the advice. One of my biggest flaws, yet also biggest advantage, is projecting... in anything. I can be a big pessimist though (I call myself a realist) as chaos is much more likely to happen than order (or being alone/heartbroken/in a bad relationship is much more likely than being in a good relationship). It takes a lot of energy to create than it does to either destroy or maintain the status quo.
      I guess I find it easier to make excuses and brush off dating, than it is to muster the willpower to try to find, initiate, and maintain a relationship.
      Maybe my biggest flaw of all is that I see relationships as a giant mountain that requires all of my patience, energy, and perseverance to climb. I then sit at the bottom and say "Well, I think I'll stay here, kick back, and relax."

  • just try your best to communicate and if you dont know how, tell her that.

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What Guys Said 0

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