Boyfriend trying to kill my self esteem?

Last night my boyfriend and I were talking and it escalated into a argument. Long story short, he went on telling me how he's only dated beautiful women and I objected. I pointed out one female whom he's dated who was unattractive. He immediately became insulted and went into rage. May I add, he himself admitted that her face wasn't attractive and how she only had a nice body. Then he started being a ass describing to me how she looks naked "nice ass, flat stomach, perky tits, etc." He started telling me how he's dated waaaay more prettier than me and I shouldn't think I'm so pretty. I then responded "so what, I know I'm not the prettiest women in the world as you aren't the most handsome." Then he went on calling me a hater and accusing me of being jealous because she has a big butt then told me how I don't have one at all. He also told me my boobs are saggy and how he has a hard time ejaculating during sex with me. Now let me say, I'm not one bit offended by his words. I'm very pretty and slim built (4'11" 103lbs) average weight for my height. I just don't understand what kind of man would say hurtful things like that to their girlfriend? We've been dating for a year now and he always tries to hurt my feelings but this was the worst.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • When he said that he dates only attractive women, he was suggesting that he is superior to other men, which makes him high-value, and that you are superior to other women, which makes you high-value. When you objected to his claim that he dates only attractive women, you forced him to acknowledge that he was not superior to other men. When he was forced to acknowledge that, he felt that he had been wronged, because he feels entitled to feel superior, so he decided to wrong you by taking back the sentiment that you were high-value and started attempting to break down your self-esteem, as retribution for the wrong you supposedly did to him.

    He seems to feel superior, entitled, and has a hierarchical self-esteem (where he needs to feel better than others in order to feel okay about himself). These are some of the early warning signs of an abuser: www.psychologytoday.com/.../are-you-dating-abuser . As your relationship with him progresses, there is a good chance that the abuse will become worse and worse, escalating toward physical violence.

    You would do well to end the relationship and study up on the early warning signs of an abuser so that you are less likely to make the same mistake of picking an abusive man.

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What Guys Said 7

  • He's a douche. Dump him. You deserve far, FAR better than this. Relationships are about mutual love, trust, and respect. What he's doing is the antithesis of this. Get him OUT of your life. You will be far... FAR better for it. I don't care how long you've been going with him. He's a scumbag that needs to be kicked to the curb.

    You'll be fine being single, trust me. Don't try and ascertain your value from a relationship. You're already awesome :) You can do this.

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  • He has quite low self-esteem, and he feels threatened by yours. I'd be mad at him for it, but I've seen too many people like that to think they are genuinely awful or that they are not already in a pretty bad way. He needed to talk to someone long ago about his insecurities.

    If you can get him into a conversation about talking to someone, that would be nice. However, you do need to get out of this relationship. He won't have much effect on your self-esteem if it's healthy, but even so he's wasting your time and he's only feeding his insecurities by creating situations where you have to defend yourself and rebuke him. (which is something that people with low self-esteem do, subconsciously, in order to validate their inner belief that they are fundamentally bad people)

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  • If he's so hateful and this wasn't the first argument then why are you with him?
    And please don't say "but I love him and he was so nice in the beginning"

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  • I think he is a jerk for saying those things. and big butts are way overrated.

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  • Sounds like he sure knows how to make a girl feel special.

    People sometimes lash out and try hurt others feelings when their own feelings are hurting so maybe he took some of your comments a bit personally, I dunno... but I think most guys wouldn't say such horrible personal things even if angry.

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  • you did kinda start it by bruising his self esteem by telling him he's dated unattractive girls.

    break up. your clearly incompatible

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What Girls Said 6

  • Please leave. Good boyfriends make you feel like you are the most beautiful girl in the world. This is not normal. I'm being serious.

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    • oh ya ! remember he should look like a model too.

    • Not like that, I just mean he makes you feel beautiful by complimenting you and making you feel good about yourself rather than awful.

  • Why the hell are you with him?

    It sounds like he wants you to think you're lucky to be with him. What a jerk! Please dump his ass and find someone who makes you feel amazing.

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  • This guy is a MORON! My goodness, detach from this abusive and insecure jerk. Seriously, take some space, get your head on straight to think about things being less clouded by emotions.

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  • I have one sentence for you. Leave his ass for someone better.
    You honestly deserve FAR FAR better than the likes of him.

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  • I'd have a hard time resisting the urge to falcon punch his dick... It's hard to say since you've been together so long, but I'd walk out.

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  • I agree with one of the other answer. I think you intentionally or not, opened up a can of worms with your comment to him and it hurt his ego and self esteem, then it escalated.

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    • So if you're significant other made a comment about someone from your pass, you would lash out and tell him that his penis is small, he's scrawny, and unattractive?

    • I wouldn't do that. What I think he did to you in retaliation was wrong. Im just saying I think you bruised his ego by saying he hasn't dated all attractive girls. Guys are weird when it comes to that you know.

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