Have you ever dated someone who you later found out had a mental illness?

Have you ever dated someone who really put you through the ringer - played mind games, was abusive, unstable - and then later found out there was actually something mentally wrong with them? Or that they were drug addicts or closer alcoholics? Information that made you say "Aha! Now this makes sense"...


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Most Helpful Girl

  • YES. Oh my god yes. When I was 22 I fell for such a sweet guy who lived with his parents after a break up with his last girlfriend. I didn't have much sense to find out why they broke up or how he behaved under his parents' roof, but after nine months, we got a place together. I noticed he was bipolar and cut his arms and legs when things didn't go his way. I knew he had scars from before, but he made me think it was because he made foolish decisions as a teen. I then saw it was just ongoing. Bipolar. Good one.

    The next one was when I was 28. I feel for another nice guy who I thought nothing could go wrong. When we moved in together, he began doing a full inspection of weird things in our house (behind mirrors, etc). You know what he was looking for? Cameras. Microphones. He believed his life was being bugged and the government was following his every move. He had paranoid personality disorder due to severe sexual abuse he suffered as a boy. I never knew. Paranoid personality disorder. It then turned in to parasomnia, and when that happened, I gave up.

    The next one was my LDR at 34. He hid this one well because he was 3000 miles away from me, so he could say or be whoever he wanted. I was tricked in to thinking he was just a nice guy who had bad luck with women. I noticed the lying and strange cover ups of dumb things like what he had for dinner. Eventually I met him and his mother and brother (who he lived with). His brother had schizophrenia and his mom was very evidently WEIRD. I can't pinpoint the mental illness other than things just weren't right with him. He was a fault-finding, brooding, angry guy who I later learned had a criminal record of harassing former girlfriends. He lied about virtually his whole life to me. Whatever mental illness this is, he was just an ODD guy with very weird habits.

    That's enough mental illness for me to deal with in people. I don't mind coming here and talking to people who need help but to deal with it daily? No.

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    • Oh honey, can I relate to your story! Lol! I seem to attract these types of guys because I am a caregiver, probably like yourself. I've dated two bi polar guys, another with Aspergers, another who was a sexual deviant. I don't know what normal is anymore - lol! I think I find normal guys boring at this point. Both of my parents suffered from depression so I must have that energy "on me". Even though I knew they were ill, I would still try to figure them out and wonder if it was really me? It was a vicious cycle.

What Guys Said 2

  • My first girlfriend was drinking and doing drugs, some even harder than pot from what I hear. She even took a hallucinogenic right in front of me. At first it just hurt her stomach but then when we were walking home she started saying all the cars were mooses and that I was a moose as well. She called me up later that night saying her hair was on fire. I don't know if she was acting but I doubt I'll look into finding out.

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  • Didn't find out that my current girlfriend had an eating disorder until about a month into the relationship. She use to snap at me a lot for no reason and have these awful mood swings, and it all made sense after I finally found out.

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What Girls Said 3

  • No, I went out with a schizophrenic though. That was tough but I knew beforehand, maybe not as much as I should have, but I was aware of the situation.

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  • I didn't know that my ex was drinking when I was with him.

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    • When you can't explain someone's irrational or unstable behavior, they are either drinking/doing drugs or have a mental problem. My ex was bi polar and I had no idea. I took so much personally until I found out - it was a huge relief.

  • My ex has uncontrollable anger, he won't seek help for it so he abused me emotionally and verbally on a daily basis..

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    • I'm so sorry... rage is very scary. Underneath rage is sadness - he probably had a lot of childhood trauma.

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    • That's great that you are doing that! It's always good to get paid to help people, that way you don't have to find time around a different job to do it. (: I'm glad that there are also people like you out there to help others.

    • Good luck sweetie and put your talents to good use- you are a healer and the world needs you! xo

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