Am I wrong for dating a younger man?

I wrote some time ago that I was dating a younger man (he's 27, I'm 42). He definitely has no problem with our ages, but I had reservations for a while. I was feeling more at ease with the situation until recently. My brother found out about him (I don't see my brother but once or twice a year) and really gave me the third degree. Things like, what was I thinking...I should be ashamed...how does it look when we are out together...etc. Now, I'm beginning to feel all the insecurities come back. "Drew" (my guy) is funny, smart, a great cook, fantastic lover...all in all the perfect guy (for me). He tells me not to worry, but I do because the mentality of this type of relationship is different with a younger guy than with the older woman. Should I stress over this, or just enjoy the relationship? Am I wrong for dating someone so much than me?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Age is always a concern when people look at a relationship from he outside because it is the easiest indicator of maturity or immaturity, since there is a general correlation. However, there this approach is a little unreliable. Even when a society-wide connection is correct, individuals do not always follow the correlation. Hence, some young people are occasionally far more mature than older people, and vice versa. Also, this correlation tends to fall off greatly after a person gets past their low to mid 20s. After that, it has less to do with age and immaturity levels than it has to do with the fact that some people will simply never mature.

    People want to see you with someone that you deserve, and that will treat you well. To them, an immature person doesn't fit that description. So when they see someone far below you in age, they automatically assume that that person is too immature for you. However, it seems clear that you realize he is a mature, wonderful person. If so, then his age shouldn't be held against him. After all, he is a 27 year old man; he has clearly had time to develop his intellect, emotions, and integrity. This isn't a 20 year old that you're talking about.

    The thing that concerns me is your wavering. Sure, your brother is an important person to you because he's family, but if you are so confident that this person is truly mature and wonderful then why do you let the broad, stereotypical doubts of others shake your belief in that? I think the best way to sway the doubters would be by example, allowing your boyfriend to shine on his own and eventually those who care about you will realize that there are far more important factors than his age that determine whether he is a good enough guy for you.

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    • I have concerns because I know he is one day going to want to marry and have a family of his own and that will not include me. I know I should just enjoy the moment with him, but I have been hurt so bad in my past relationship (in every way) that I don't believe the happiness I have found with him is deserved. My belief in him is as strong as ever, its my belief in myself.

    • Well consider this: if he is treating you well, rather than using you for some cheap gain on his part, then doesn't that indicate a seriousness and commitment on his part? I would look to that as a source of confidence in the relationship. He treats you well and tells you not to worry. I don't understand why you are convinced that he will leave you even though it appears that you both are serious about the relationship.

What Guys Said 4

  • 42-27 is far enough apart to be strange and cause issues, but there's nothing inherently wrong with it. I've done 28/39 (I was the younger guy) and it was weird, but not bad. It's not like I was some sort of helpless child being taken advantage of. If a guy is 27 years old and doesn't know what he's getting into, then that's his problem.

    "How does it look when we are out together" is a stupid and shallow thing to obsess about. Your brother is wrong on this one - you sound like you're doing fine without his advice.

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  • The only two people's opinions you should care about when it comes to your ages is your opinion and his.He doesn't care, neither do you. Therefore don't worry about it, because no matter what someone is always going to have something to say about someone or something. Some people like to cause trouble. Hope this helps:).

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  • Been there, done that; I was a college boy, she's a businesswoman; 10 years apart. Let me tell you the story from younger man's perspective, in case you thought the mentality is different. I liked her so very much because she liked me so very much too... and the rest of things about us was ignorable. We should have started a family of our own but she's already someone else's wife. So, if your brother is not your husband, what are you waiting for?

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  • naw you shouldn't stress the I think of it is age is just a number I mean if guys are really in love I would forget about what people would say cause along if he's happy and your happy then it's all good.

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What Girls Said 4

  • You are not wrong! f*** what anyone says and what anyone thinks! When I am your age I'm gonna aim to get an 18 year old toyboy! lol. Seriously, it's not like he's a kid and you're not exactly old are you. There is nothing wrong with that age gap. Just ignore anyone else-you even said he is the perfect guy for you-that is all you need to know. Enjoy it!

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  • honestly I have no idea. I' 16 and I went out with a 25 year old, and so go for it... haha and don't stress, HAVE FUN... how cares what other people think, their not dating him. =). and when ever I date sum! older I say, " ago dont' matter" haha if it's love it's love, but if it don't last long then forget it, it wasn't ment to be.. but het who cares... lol.

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  • Abolutely not! Go for it girl!

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  • I don't think its wrong

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