Ladies - What Is Your Deal With Black Men?

I am not trying to insinuate hate with my topic title. I am just wondering what women think about black men. Would you date them? Would you not date them? What is your reasoning behind your decision?

Being a black male myself, I've heard mixed things from women, and I usually have a hard time dating because of my skin color.

There have been quite a few times in my life where women have not taken the next step in their relationship with me, simply because they do not date black men. I have even tried dating sites and have been told by women they do not black men or they explicitly make it clear in their profile that they do not date black men. And even though many women say I have the qualities they want in a man, I have been told that they just aren't interested in black guys.

Are stereotypes influencing this decision? When people think about black men, I always think they feel we are going to come around wearing baggy clothing, sagging, talking really loud, bring a "gang" with us and act hardcore ghetto.

I am 23, have superb manners, speak properly, finished my 4 year degree at my university, have a nice job, have a car, a luxury apartment, work out quite actively and I lead a pretty quiet life... and I enjoy reading and writing. I have also been told many times I am quite a good dresser. In no way do I act like the stereotypes depicted in media.

So... I ask again. Why do some women seem so against the idea of dating a black man? Not trying to insinuate anything, I am just curious.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I understand where you're coming from, except I'm a black female. And I don't really mean anything by this but I've seen it a lot worse for black women. I think people had attached a stigma to us that no matter how well off we are or how well we handle ourselves, communicate, anything, we always have some pitfall. For men it's the gang and crime thing, women it's the attitude or the baby daddy thing. Since these stigmas are so prominent, people can't shake them whether they know us or not. It's almost unconscious. However, I will throw out (and you may not see it because of demographics where you live) but nowadays more and more women are starting to date black men, but it isn't the same for the women. In any given day, I see a couple consisting of a black man and any race of woman maybe six times. Number of black women with any race of man, one. And I don't care personally, love who you love because I will, but what sucks is it's all one sided. And it definitely isn't fair when you get shallow answers like 'the sex is great' or ' he's doing something with his life, he's gonna be a rapper.' It makes no sense to me honestly. People need to be more genuine in general and just get to know a person before they date them and be with them for that; not base whether they do or not on a color.

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    • I've actually never actually noticed that. I actually live in Texas. Where I live it, I usually see a lot of black women with white guys. I also typically see black guys dating black women, but in some rare instances I see some black guys dating white girls... but not too often.

    • That's actually pretty lucky. Here it's the other way around. I'm in Florida and live on campus and work in the biggest tourist trap ever. Even the tourists show it. I've seen the bm/bw of course, but nowhere near as many bm/ww. And I've only seen two wm/bw couples and I know one of them. Even within my friends, I know three that have dated black men and they're white girls. I'm all for it and happy for them if their happy, but it just makes me sad sometimes. It's like getting picked last for kickball, you know? haha

What Girls Said 24

  • I think you may be overlooking some women who may be interested in you. The type of women who are like you in the way they are brought up and educated but you ignore them because you want the woman who doesn't want you. This happens often with black men, I've seen it often. There are beautiful black women who are just as educated if not more educated than you and you may overlook them. You should ask yourself why?

    I understand that as an educated black man you are probably 1-3 persons in your class room of mostly white students. But I assure you the 1 or 2 black woman in your class are probably similar to you... since they too are trying to get a University degree. Do you talk to these women to find out hat they are about? Ok, fair enough they may not be your type. But your whole 4 years in University there was not 1 black woman that was datable and on the same page as you? I find that hard to believe.

    As long as you keep perusing non black women you will keep hitting this wall where you can't go any farther. Its built in the system. As you can see it doesn't matter how much education you have how polite you are... you are still black.

    You can date who you wish but dont do to black women what white and other women are doing to you. I just hope you are open to everyone equally. I would also question the motives of some women as to why they are dating you... are they trying to fulfil a black man fantasy or do they really like you for you... as is the case with those women who would not pursue a more "serious" relationship with you.

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  • I think you might be living in the wrong city. I am white and would date a black man if I was single, and I know many white female friends who would too. I live someplace that is more open-minded. The women where you live probably have racism ingrained from their upbringing. Even if they don't, they may feel inclined to date within their race only, not because you are black. I'm asking this because if you live in certain places in the US that might harbour these ideas then maybe it's time to move.

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  • I will date a man of any race if I really like him. I don't usually go for black guys but right now I have a crush on a black guy who goes to my church because he is very religious and very responsible. If he's religious - I don't care about his race.

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  • I like men from any race. It's really the personality that counts. As for your question.. I think it's because of the stereotypes or the "image" of black males. Society has this image of white guys being this prince charming, and black males being the bad guys. I really don't unsterstand why because I've met a lot of sweet black guys and they were absolutely amazing. If you are having a hard time with dating because of your skin color, bring oyt your personality instead. Girls like sweet and romantic guys. I really respect that you are a virgin and everything. Guys like you are really hard to find these days. Good luck!

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    • Thanks for your opinion. Of course, for me, bringing my personality into the game is tough. I'm the type of guy who is quiet, reserved and analytical. I like to get to know a woman first before I decide if I truly like her or not. But... when I start showing affection and start asking women out, that's where things go wrong. Lol.

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    • She just actually texted me and apologized for ignoring my text for a couple of days. She told me she has been really busy with her classes, full-time job and just got an internship gig... so she has no more free time. Again... when I get affectionate with women it usually backfires. Do you think that I should text her back and explain my feelings to her?

    • Yeah! I mean what's the point of liking someone if they don't even know right?

  • Yeah I'd date them and not just because I'm black.

    I'm open to dating all races and i don't stereotype.

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    • That's cool. I am open to dating women of all races, too. Haven't been on an actually date... but I have been attracted to women of all different backgrounds.

  • I think I know who this is :p switched up the writing I see but I'm still good at pinpointing who you are

    I will answer your question.

    Some women like black men and others don't. I am attracted to all men except. for East Asian, they just aren't my type. Some who don't date black men simply have there preference, are racist, had bad experience with them, are scare to try something new.

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    • Lol. Who am I then? :p

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    • Lol. I have no idea who that is, honestly. I just literally joined/found this site a few days ago after ditching Yahoo Answers!

    • Gawd, you sounded a bit like him in that part. Yes, Yahoo answers is annoying, you get your question deleted too often and account as well.

  • I certainly would like to

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  • I myself had never dated a black guy, no reason behind it other than I was attracted to them. Until... I saw a guy that I had kind of known through other people n we hit it off. I really didn't know if he was full black or what cuz he was kinda light. He told me that he was mixed but it didn't matter to me at all. I really like him and it's his personality that really gets to me. He is very funny and out going! My kids love him too. My family on the other hand doesn't approve of him at all but it's my life not there's and they don't know what a good guy they are missing out on knowing. We were dating but recently split. Talking about working things out now :)

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  • I would date all races as long as you have an education and a job then i would date you also a nice personality so i dont see the problem, and its hard finding a boyfriend for me too they think I'm a slut or ghetto and loud but I'm the exact opposite unless you make me mad I'm not saying everyone is like that but it is hard finding a interracial partner for everyone because of stereotypes

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  • There are some black men I'd love to date. I'm drawn to the idea because you guys entice me, in the sense that I'm curious as to what dating a black man would be like.

    I have dated, give or take, a mulatto if anything.

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  • See, for me I have one type. And that's tall and white. It's not about racism, its just who I'm more attracted to. A short white guy could hit on me and id react the same way to a black or hispanic man.

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  • I generally don't find them attractive

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    • What about them do you find unattractive? I'm just curious, and I'm not going to get mad or anything. We are all entitled to our own opinion :).

    • Just physically. Some act very ghetto but I have met plenty of decent black men.

  • An attractive guy is an attractive guy. Race doesn't matter to me.

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  • I don't find black men attractive, nothing personal... just not interested. We all have our likes and dislikes.

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  • Personally for me skin colour isn't important I've dated both black guys and white guys

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  • I cannot answer this, because I'd potentionally date men of any race.

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  • personaly i'm more in to white guys :p

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    • And that's fine. Lol. But, what turns you off about black guys?

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    • So... I should dye my hair blond then, huh? Lol... I'm just kidding XD.

    • hahaha :p lol

  • I don't date men... so yeah lol

    If I did, I wouldn't have any problem dating a black male.

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  • it would totally depend on if i find him physically attractive or not and if i like his character

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  • I'd be ok with an educated/intelligent black man, but there aren't many of those in my area (or white ones, either!!).

    One black guy I considered dating made comments about how he "had" to have a white girl and that was a real turn off.

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  • honestly i just dont find many black men attractive. dont get me wrong, there are some very gorgeous black men, but generally they're not my type. if i found a black dude that shared my interests and i thought was attractive, i would date him.

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  • I don't usually find black guys attractive. I just have a particular type of look I am into with men. Dark brown/black wispy hair, hazel eyes, often a roman nose, high cheek bones. Most black men just don't fit into that. I also don't like guys with larger lips. Blond white dudes I don't have an interest in either. Just very picky. Oddly though, I have more variation of what appearance is appealing in women. Although I love men, they just don't seem as beautiful as women. No offense.

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  • I think a lot of them have probably had bad experiences with black men.

    I would date a black guy if the right one came along, but most of the black guys I encounter seem like commitmentphobes. I also don't see many affectionate black guys. Its rare that I even see a black guy holding hands with his girlfriend or gazing at her lovingly but I see plenty of white guys do that. I don't understand why that is though. I wish more black guys could be more affectionate in a non-sexual way and be cute with their girlfriend. I don't want a boyfriend with a high sex drive, but it seems like an overwhelming amount of black guys have really high sex drives.

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    • Lol. Here is what I have to say:

      -I do have a high sex drive, I will admit to that. That's because I am virgin and never had sex, a date, a real kiss etc. So my sex drive is a little higher than average... which I lower with a lot of working out.

      -I wish I could be affectionate with women, but every time I show a woman that I like her, I get rejected. I enjoy holding hands, telling a woman she looks great, cuddling with her and just talking... but I haven't found a woman like that yet.

    • Well I think you're one of the exceptions. I'm just basing this on my personal observations.
      Also I find that most attractive black guys go for curvy girls with a very glamorous look. Not many would be interested in me since I have a cute and innocent modest appearance. I liked a nerdy yet cool black guy from my class and he was so not interested. Meanwhile white and Asian guys are interested. I like white guys best because they are thee most affectionate.

      Today I went to the frozen yogurt shop and I see one Asian guy with his gf and several white guys with their gf, but no black guys to be found. I never see black guys treating their gf to cute dates. Sometimes I will see black guys with their girls at the movies but this is usually at night never the day. Please explain this to me.

    • -When I was in my late teens, I used to like curvy women as well. Personally, I think a lot of guys like curvy glamorous women. One of the trends of today. Anyway, now that I am 23, looks aren't that important to me. If a girl looks like she takes care of herself physically, has a cute face and a great personality, she has won me over :). Just recently, I liked (still kinda do) this Mexican girl from my class. She has a fit body, but small breasts and a small butt... but she is cute and I find her attractive inside and out. Unfortunately, I am still trying to win her over... but I am certain she doesn't like me that way :(. And the cute date thing you bring is funny. Because I have been trying to take this girl bowling, ice skating, a walk in the park... something... but she keeps turning me down.

  • I have a black FWB. He is an intelligent, educated and all around good guy. We are respectful and don't okay any games, EVER!
    We are not dating because he is 10 years younger than me. I really like and respect him. We share more than just physical intimacy. I find any intelligent, accomplished, well mannered man irresistable, but black men add a certain swag to the mix. I am positive he won't have trouble dating a woman of a different race,

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What Guys Said 5

  • You forgot one thing besides having superb manners... etc. You forgot that you're Black lmao.

    It's just a joke man. I'm Hispanic, don't trip. Seriously, I think you're way too hooked on dating White women. Date your own race or some other race if this is becoming an issue for you. Move to a different region where dating Black people is more accepted; I'm thinking of Pacific Northwest, Los Angeles, Toronto.

    You're way too focused on that dude. It's no help asking the females on here because they'll only be nice about it and say stupid shit like, "Well I would date a black guy. Any girl that doesn't is retarded and living in the Stone Age, this is the 21st Century people!" That's not the kind of answer you're looking for man and we both know that.

    Yes, it's stereotype... kinda sorta. I think it's more of an entrenched mindset. They don't even know it's happening. All they know is that they don't find Black dudes attractive. Don't argue it man, don't bother trying to understand it. Just improve your living arrangements and/or move on.

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    • I don't think he is necessarily focused on it.. its something he noticed and wants an opinion on it. When you are black people constantly remind you that you are not like them. I agree with you that its an entrenched mindset people dont even realize the effects that stereotypes have on their beliefs.

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    • Pretty good opinion. I don't date just white women though. Honestly, I have never been on a real date. I am attracted to women of all different races. Out of the girls I have asked out on dates before, I have had a black woman tell me she only dates white guys. I have had a white woman tell me she is not interested in black men. I have had a hispanic woman tell me she is not into black men... and I have been friendzoned by other women (which is off topic for this post). But, yeah, I am not just into white women. I am interested in a woman's personality first then looks second.

    • Well that's cool, Asker. I'm attracted to all sorts too. I'm just saying that what you've observed should be relegated to the back burner, or even the fridge. There's no point in thinking about it because you will, eventually, get the woman you want.

  • I find it unfair that your skin tone affects when mines is pretty ignored. Because of my Carribean accent and rather strange but unique personality; most women feel compelled to keep me as their favorite ask anything metrosexual foreign black friend. While you're getting put down/rejected; I'm getting best friend zoned lol.

    My first gf (black) was a little fucking crazy. Not a good experience.
    My 2nd potential gf (white) kept on dressing like a fucking tomboy in public. I don't like boys, I like girls, so I like it girls dress like girls.
    My 3rd potential gf (arabic) best friendzoned me hard and got me in my feelings.

    I really think if you want a shot at more open minded women, you should move to a more culturally diverse area. You should also make a weight exemption for lighter skinned chicks. Places like Miami, LA, Houston, New York and Chicago are full of interracial couples. You can always try your luck in Haiti, Dominican Republic, the Carribean and Central America. Become their papi negro lol. But yeah man, stereotypes are a bitch. I didn't know about black stereotypes until I came to the states.

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  • Hey black brother! If you think you have it bad try being asian! I only get love from Asian women and I live in a really diverse big city. Non-asian women do not give me the time of day!

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    • Excuse me there is no way in hell an Asian man has anything worse than a black man. NO WAY. DO you get followed in s store because people think you will steal? Do people refuse to rent you an apartment because you are Asian? Has anyone ever told you Asians are a bad influence.. dont date them? Are there more Asians in prison in America or black men. Excuse me if you have a tiny bit of problems in the dating world... but it in no way compares to the difficulties a black man will face... as you can see he has problems in dating too and other aspects of his life... so stop crying.

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    • Also, if I were to go into a store in a not very diverse town I get looked at like I am an alien. I never had to deal with rent. I have heard that I probably have a small penis and the girls friends has told them I will never be able to satisfy them sexually. Black men in prison are better off than me. I would be the pretty girl in prison unfortunately for my stink hole. So yah I have my problems in aspects in life. But my dating life as an Asian male is definitely worse than your average black man. I will continue crying.

    • Dude needs a hug.. lol * gives hug* at least you got the whole 2NE1 crew lovin you lol

  • I'm glad that you brought that up because Latinas out of all races of women are extremely racist against black men espcially Mexican women (Mexicunts)

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    • I agree with you. My friend got told by a Hispanic person that his parents are racist and would not allow his children to date black people. The sad thing is Hispanics feel they are white until white people put them in their place and tell them they aren't. Of course not all Hispanics are racist. But the majority will date white before they consider black.

    • There is some truth to that lol my mexican guy friend mom loves me... as long as her son doesn't date me LmAo

  • While black men are the only race of guys that society and the powers that be have systematically brainwashed women (especially white women) to avoid and not date, the brainwashing is starting to be non effective. They come up with all types of stats and stereotypical propaganda to get women to avoid us but they can't stop us.

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