How to get a guy to drop it? Any help would be appreciated!?

So I am a grad student working in a hospital for the summer for research reasons.

I have been on the dating scene for a while, but I am not sure how to handle this...

Yesterday morning at work, I met a really cute resident. He wants to take me out on a honest to god to real legitimate date and was willing to wait until the weekend. We talked over text a bit last night and am looking forward to.

In the afternoon, I was getting coffee and was in a huge hurry, and ran full tilt into another medical researcher in a different department whom I didn't know. I was of course super sorry (because I spilled coffee all over him) helped him clean up and he sarcastically said the only way I could make up for it is if I gave him my number. So I did. We chatted too and we wanted to do something "latter in the week or on the weekend" (which I realize is fine I am single), so I said sure.

But this morning the second guy turned me off. He texted asking if "... when I visited him if I wanted to stay over night". I spent a whole five minutes with him ever, and I don't want a hook up. So when I told him that he was like "no doubt we'll see ;). I didn't respond.

Honestly, if things don't work out with the first guy its fine ;) but its worth a try. I don't even want to try with the second guy though, and how do I tell him that, when I said we could do something?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • If you happen to Run into the 'Second guy' a Second time, simply tell him you're sorry for the 'Spill,' but you Still are not Into 'Hooking up' nor hanging out, thanks anyways... And even sending him a message, this Time with a 'Response,' would go even Quicker, getting you off the hook faster...
    Just because you gave him your number, you have every right to change your tune, being he's talking about 'Hooking up." And with or with no implication of 'Hooking up,' you still have a right to Change your mind, even if it means just Hanging out. You're not obligated to him.
    Too bad if he ends up crying over spilled milk. You found out ahead time what he had in the back of his Maybe 'dirty mind,' and Now--------You've got his number.
    Good luck. xx

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What Guys Said 5

  • You're a free agent. Of course, the political/professional ramifications can get in the way sometimes. If #2 has no impact on you professionally, then just tell him you're flattered that he asked and that you're so sorry for the spill but that you've decided it's not a good idea for you to get together. If he persists, be direct and tell him you won't to out with him. If he still persists, talk to a girl friend and see if you have some informal recourse. I'll be surprised if he pursues you beyond the first no. He has a LOT more to lose than you do in this.

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  • It sounds like the 2nd guy is pretty confident in his ability to sweep young women off their feet. It's amazingly presumptuous to mention "staying over night" after a 5-minute chance meeting. My advice is to cancel the date--or at the very least make it absolutely clear that you have no intention of going to his place at any point during the date. It may even be possible that he has some other "option" available to him, and he wants to find out how likely it is that he can score with you. Unless you make it absolutely clear that nothing is going to happen, he will continue to imagine that he can get you into bed. Of course, the best way to do that is to just cancel the date--you don't "owe" him anything because you spilled coffee on him, or because you said you would go out on a date (before you knew what a jerk he is). Just invent some other commitment you have and hopefully he will get the message...

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    • I sort of suck at this and I do want to cancel. You are probably right. What about sending a text saying "I am really sorry but I won't be able to meet up this week or weekend, work is insane right now. Also, I've thought about it, and in general, I have a lot going on right now and am not able to really date, sorry for thinking I was"... That's half true, I could date him if I really wanted to, but most guys in their mid 20's do want to get laid but at least are smart enough to take the girl out first, (this isn't ideal either), but what he's assuming is even worse and I have no interest

    • I suppose my reply shows my age--it's certainly possible for young people (of both sexes) to hook up spontaneously and not think anything of it. There's nothing wrong with it if both people feel the same way (unfortunately sometimes it's one-sided). However, that didn't usually happen when I was young, unless it was at a party and people were intoxicated. So I shouldn't have called the guy a "jerk". However, it was clear you weren't interested and I do think it was amazingly presumptuous to ask you to sleep over after 5 minutes. But that sort of thing must work for him or he wouldn't be so forward...

      My suggestion would be to use the first sentence only. Just say you are busy. Hopefully he will get the message. If not, you can use the second sentence later. That way you'll have had more time to "think about it" and it will seem more natural...

    • @"I am really sorry but I won't be able to meet up this week or weekend, work is insane right now"

      You mean for guy 2? That wording gives the impression to me that you 'would be interested later', which is maybe the wrong impression to give. TBH it sounds to me like you don't really feel comfortable seeing him, if that's the case, I'd suggest a firmer 'no, sorry, am not interested'. He'll understand, you aren't going to hurt his feelings or anything, and I doubt he really expects a 100% hit rate with his strategy.

  • Second guy? Certified douchebag. Just stay clear of him. Period.

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  • Guy 2 is a jerk. Seriously an accidental spill, then playing to your guilt by asking for your number. Then thinking you're an easy girl to play (he basically just "forced" you to give your number after all), he tries to get his way into your pants. And when you wise up and say no, that jerk still thinks he has a chance.

    Just blow him off. Just say "when i gave you my number i thought you looked like a decent guy. Guess not."

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    • Thanks ;) that's a great line!! I will for sure use it! Thanks again!

  • Second guy sounds like a bit of a player just playing the odds. I doubt he really expects that you should feel obligated to do anything... I would just say no and not worry about it anymore, he'll be fine. He'll soon pick up someone else. I know guys like that. Maybe ONS material but not bf material.

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