Who picks up the check in your relationship?

I started to date this guy a month ago. His family is "rich", so he can afford to take me out twice a week (to at least to places in one day) and we usually go to fancy places. He pays most of the times (except 3 times: 2 times when we went to the movies and I paid for the popcorns and stuff, and one time we went to have dinner and I picked up the check). The thing is that he picks up the check with no problem and sometimes I feel bad for it, like I'm taking advantage, because I can't afford to go out that often, to many places. I would prefer to split the check, but he once said that he doesn't like that, that he prefers when he pays in one place, and then the other person pays another place.

This is my first time ever dating, and I know each relationship is different, but I would like to get an idea of what do other couples do so I can think in a possible solution so I can talk to him.

  • I pay most of the times
    10% (3)72% (13)34% (16)Vote
  • My partner pays most of the times
    34% (10)6% (1)23% (11)Vote
  • It's a 50% / 50% thing.
    45% (13)22% (4)36% (17)Vote
  • Other
    11% (3)0% (0)7% (3)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

0|0
9|5

Most Helpful Girl

  • If he says he doesn't like that then he doesn't like that. Some guys like to pick up the check because it makes them feel masculine I believe. Here is a story...

    My ex... He would always pay. At the same time, I knew he was saving money to move out of his parents and I made more then him and would offer to pay but he continued to refuse. One night we went to dinner And the check came while he was in the restroom. I thought I would be sneaky and pay lol... He was not thrilled one bit. Two years later (the present), he actually told me how much that upset him. Said that he wants to treat me because I am special to him and deserve it. That he wants to be the leader. Granted we are no longer together but I was understanding to his views on that.

    Another story.
    My psych teacher asked the question, "your thoughts a first date" my answer, "should I pay?" -- she was a feminist and told me that I am a disgrace to the female population for ever expecting a man to pay. She gave me a C in that class lol smh. I swear she hated me.

    My opinion: let him pay for the most part. Snacks at the movies is nice for you to pick up. There are a lot of over little gestures/purchases you can make in the relationship. If you really want to treat him however, perhaps plan a date for him - a night to show how much you appreciate him. Give the waitress your card before dinner so a bill never even comes. Just focus on him that night.

    Good luck love!

    0|0
    0|0
    • Thank you! I feel bad because at the beginning I used to "look for my wallet", but he was like: "No, I will take it", and I don't do that anymore. However, sometimes I bake things for him, or buy him candies, or gifts when I travel...

      I was thinking to maybe pay once in a while, letting him pay most of the times, as you suggested. Thank you so much! :)

    • You are welcome sweet,:)

      You know that things like baking and thoughtful gifts - that has such sentimental value and a probably worth more than you realize to him :)

What Guys Said 5

  • By default, I do. Even if I'm a pauper and she's wealthy I still pick it up by default. If she offers to pay or split, and sincerely seems to want to (rather than feeling obligated to), then that's what we'll do.

    Not that I'm in a relationship or plan on being in one. Just sayin'.

    1|0
    0|1
  • I think it should be 50/50 for the first several dates, because you barely know anything about each other usually when dating begins, unless you're friends first. Would you go sit down with a total stranger at a restaurant and say, "Hey, I'd like to get to know you, so let me cover your dinner and drink"? If yes, props to you. If not, well, that's where I'm coming from.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Its usually normal for guys to pay a bit more at the start of a relationship. And you say his family is rich, girl start working from getting a ring from him, then in a couple yeas if you don't like him you can divorce and get half his shit. win win for you.

    0|0
    1|1
  • No, your totally right it should be 50/50 your both paying for each others time to enjoy something fun.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I make my girlfriend pay.

    0|1
    1|0

What Girls Said 8

  • I want to pay 50-50 because I don't want to feel like he is affording me with his money. The price for my attention and my companionship is genuine affection from him, his care and his love. Not money. When we are meeting, or just starting our relationship, he can't give me love, or much affection, so my presence seems like it is something he is paying for. I don't like that.

    I know it's not like that and most guys like to pay because it's an instinctive urge to feel like the protector and provider. I don't mind respecting their wishes if they want to treat me with such an attitude, even when it comes to money, but I'll always ask to pay, and if we're just meeting, have had a mere few dates, I'll insist to pay.

    0|0
    0|0
  • With my ex's i did the whole 50/50 thing. But look if the guy offers to pay let him. Even if you have offered to pay for things and he just puts out a finger and says nah arghh.. Dont sweat it. Guys like to do things for women out of kindness. If he just doesn't let you pay just thank him. And if you feel really bad.. Surprise him with a gift

    0|0
    0|0
  • My whole thing is, whoever initiates the date or has money at the time pays. If he initiates the date I'll be happy to split my half or ask him if he wants me to pay, I'm always happy too. If you can't afford to go out that much, go for picnics or walks on the beach or in a national park.

    0|0
    0|0
  • The guy always wants to pay, but I don't let him... always...

    0|0
    0|0
  • The times we've been out I have paid most of the time, but honestly because neither of us have jobs yet it's just whoever has the money at the time or we split it. It isn't a huge deal to us who pays, we both like to treat each other :)

    0|0
    0|0
  • It's a 50/50 thing in our relationship. However, if it's our anniversary and such, he will usually get it even though I insist since it's both of our anniversary. Usually we will split the date.. for example, i'll buy the movie tickets + snacks/drinks, and he'll buy dinner, it evens out. Other times, we take turns.. he will pay for the whole date one night, then I pay for the whole date the next time. :) We always make sure it's fair. I'd hate for someone to pay for me all the time.. just doesn't feel right.

    0|0
    0|0
  • you are doing the right thing. don't need to feel bad. just pick up the little things and say cute/funny things be playful. he will appreciate all that. don't take that away from him, he will feel good to take you out. just say i had a good time.

    i am dating a guy and its a yr. i paid a few times... this is the first weekend i paid almost everything... since he is out of work.

    the beginning, let him pay. it will make him feel good :-)

    0|0
    0|0
  • i know exactly how you feel. but you shouldn't feel that way. if he cares enough about you to pay, then thats really nice of him. but keep offering to pay sometimes. thats also nice of you. just don't expect it of him, and be grateful. you know? my boyfriend pays for most of the dates we go on, but we go on cheap dates haha. whenever i have money at all (i dont have a job but sometimes i get money for housesitting or just random), i always offer to pay for things though. or ill surprise him with a small gift to let him know i'm thinking of him and appreciate him.

    1|0
    0|0
Loading...