Is somebody dating somebody else who has kids really that bad?

i have heard and seen so many people going on about how they would never date somebody with kids, but in all honesty if a male my age had kids and asked me out and i was attracted to him it wouldn't be a barrier at all. so whats the big deal?

Updates:
i want to know what about kids turns guys off so much?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • It's quite different when the male has custody. So I'll explain a few points.

    First off, if a girl has kids, the situation would need to at least be looked at. Many girls with kids are in really fucked up situations especially if it's in their lower 20's. 30's and up is less likely to be troublesome (but can still happen).

    Plus if the girl has custody, she'll constantly need a sitter to date. Many girls are having kids and immediately dating instead of focusing on their kids. Many of them are actually just looking for a guy to "rescue" them. I personally have met a girl trying to do this. She was even getting abused in one and compromising the abuse she'd take from the guy just to live with him. So many guys seeing a girl having a kid are already worried about her intentions.

    Plus many guys cannot deal with the thought of a girl who will be regularly seeing her ex in shared custody scenarios. Many guys do not feel comfortable with that.

    In regards to custody. If the girl has custody, the guy can just assume she is careless, had a kid, maybe with a guy who disappeared, etc. It tends to be looked at as a sign of carelessness. But at the same time, if she loses custody, she'll flip out.

    But if a guy doesn't have custody, he is just a check now. However, he can risk jail for missing payments and such. But a girl won't really have any idea about this and such. Now... if he has custody, a girl can look at him as some sort of "good guy" because he musta gotten stuck dating a really bad woman and the court saw how "great" of a guy he was.

    I personally have had to rule out single moms altogether. I kept getting stuck talking to ones who would immediately rant about their exes, etc. The final straw was the drunk girl telling me how she was ridding pot out of her system so she can feel safe enough to tell the courts her ex is on weed so she can have full custody. She was drunk on the phone telling me this.

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    • your putting a stereotype on single moms and that is wrong. you can have an opinion but please dont trash talk single moms you have not experienced enough of them to use the word "most".

    • i do get where your coming from but not all single mothers are like that

What Guys Said 6

  • I'm not sure about other guys, but my first gf was a single mom with a 3yr old daughter named Penny. It was hard being 22 and her 23 trying to plan out weekend plans, dinners, get-togethers, parties our schedules weren't all that great either, she had 3 jobs and fulltime school. I got used to be spontaneous with doing things on the fly but there were many planned mini-vacations (San Francisco & Las Vegas) that were hell fun. We broke it off because life was going to be like that and it may seem selfish but I'll NEVER be number one in her eyes like I held her as my number one. Penny is first not me, that's her child. I didn't want her to put her own child on the backburner. Plus her family wasn't too happy about me and her going places and just leaving Penny with her sister or parents all the time. I hope this helped you some.

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    • yeah i can understand what you mean and i guess in a relationship i would want to be number one too so i do get it and yes you did help me

  • Not at all. It's just complicated. And life is already so.

    Some people, a lot of people don't want to deal with it so they shield themselves from it. At least they're honest and upfront. I use to be one of those people, but as I've gotten older, I'm open to whatever Life/the Universe throws my way. Never know what you might miss; an incredible woman, wonderful children.

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    • see ther eally is nothing wrong with it and thankyou

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    • i agree children are a blessing, id rather be alone than with some ass who felt he was overcoming something "dealing with my kid" that breaks my heart. :(.

    • yes i agree seeing as i want children id want the father of my shildren to see it as a blessing not a curse that one has to live with

  • I'm a single dad. My daughter is 6. And dating can be hard. But only because I may like them but they don't pass her questionnaire. You gotta go through her to get me. Lol

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    • i think its good that you let your daughter have choice, oh and nice play on the words

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    • I didn't even answer your question. Guys don't get turned off by kids. Some might because it is a different dating experience than a girl without them. They may get startled by responsibility or they may feel like the girl is looking for a replacement dad. Which isn't the case. The girl just wants someone to be happy with like everyone else. But you need to understand when dating a girl with a child it is a package deal. Don't waste her time if that's not what you want. That's not fair.

    • yeah okay thankyou that makes sense

  • I'd be fine with it, I love children, and of course, if i'm financially stable enough to be able to handle the kid plus my own because I do want children of my own as well, not that I would treat the other one any different.

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  • I don't want children, so it's essential that I'm with someone that doesn't have them or want them in the future.

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  • Because the relationship won't be balanced. No offense to single parents but there's no way I could do it unless I had kids myself. Why? because Your kids will always come first and they should, but if i was dating a woman with kids I'm pretty sure if it became serious, she would expect me to make her #1 in my life, but she could never make me #1 in her life because I'm sure that she will put her kid/kids first and she should. I just don't think its fair to me or the person.

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What Girls Said 3

  • Because dating someone with children means that there is a CHANCE/POSSIBILITY that YOU will become their prim airy CARE GIVER. Meaning that you will ultimately become an ACTIVE participant in the childs life. Meaning that you will become financially, emotionally, and mentally responsible for your partners children eventually in the relationship. REGARDLESS of the children's feelings towards you/about you.

    Many men/women aren't ready to become parents and/or NEVER want to be parents (parents to children that aren't biologically their own). Thus many people do NOT WANT TO GET INVOLVED romantically with men/women who have children.

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  • it is out of power and immaturity they lack understanding of the situation and that is ok, there are many people to choose from.

    I would never expect another man to raise my child that is my job and his fathers job, he can be a step dad and a friend i expect no financial input. There is a stereotype about single parents it is what it is.

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    • i do get it but i once met a guy who had a 2yr old son and he was 17 and he was the most perfect person i had ever met adn the mother had given the son to him and just left i saw that as a very mature thing that he was capable of looking after this child

    • wow that is rare in men he is a good person and strong to take that on alone.

    • yes i know, i just hate that he got put down about it so much

  • I wouldn't date someone with kids because I know I can't love that kid as much as I would my own child. That's not fair to the kid. I know myself and I know I can't give 100% of me to him or her so I don't even want to try

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