Online daters... should I tell him I have Herp before we even meet?

i met this guy online.. he's a catch.. he has his head on his shoulders for sure... we are attracted to eachother.. have fun things in common.. and he asked for an invite.. my problem is.. i am a carrier of the genital herpes virus (put ur raincoat on! dont trust too much! n no im not a dirty sl*t).. and i dont know if i should just tell him before we meet.. to save myself the pain of rejection.. because who knows maybe the physical connection will be so strong that we get hot n heavy the first night.. you never know.. and im not going to tell him right before we have sex.. so should i tell him before we meet and give him time to think about it.. or use self control n have him wondering why im "rejecting" him.. bc right now i kinda feel like im being fake.. not sayin who i really am.. i feel its important for him to know.. so BEFORE or AFTER we meet?

Updates:
wow... all of ur answers dont even answer my question.. it says should i tell him BEFORE OR AFTER WE MEET!.. not whether or not i should tell him.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I can't even believe you were so unsure about this you came on here to ask this question. The answer should be obvious. You NEED to tell him. I don't know if you were expecting anyone her to tell you not tell him. He'll respect you more and appreciate that you were honest with him. If you don't, well then, honestly that's extremely bitchy and vindictive if you're going to not tell this guy the truth for your selfish motives. Tell him the truth. It'll make you both feel better. And if he doesn't want to continue seeing you because of it, I mean, you can't blame him. But at least you won't feel horrible later because you didn't tell him.

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    • right on! :D

    • Oh, and another reason you should tell him is that there are a lot of crazy motherfuckers out there, and if they catch something and you didn't tell them, will hurt you because of it. Trust me, I've seen it. Do yourself (and everyone you have relations with) a favor and tell him, especially since you met this guy online and you have no idea what he's capable of. I can tell you that if someone gave me something without indorming me beforehand, I... I don't even know. The ugly would come out of me and I'd probably end up in jail, let's leave it at that. What makes you go from just someone who unfortunately happened to catch this to a dirty slut is the decision to inform your partner about this. Good luck though, I wish you both the best.

What Guys Said 7

  • wow this scares me if I ever started online dating and you're debating whether to tell or not :P yes tell him.

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  • I think it'd be okay to keep that to yourself for e first couple of dates. Basically, wait til he's gotten a chance to get to know you first, but do it before he gets emotionally invested (just in case it's too much for him to handle).

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  • maybe after you meet, so he knows you better before he has to decide, if he can make it or if he wants to break it. as long as you donĀ“t engage in activities, that would infect him.

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  • Wait until you meet him hun. If you tell him before you will scare him away. As for having herpes if the guy really likes you Im sure he will accept you and still want to be with you. :)

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  • Before any sexual contact you must tell them if you have a STI otherwise you just a slut hoe

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  • I would say before you meet

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  • Just say it before, the herpes is not, going anywhere so it's part of you now.

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What Girls Said 11

  • You don't have to disclose any sexual health information UNTIL you plan on getting sexually involved with this person. You are REQUIRED BY LAW to disclose any permanent/life altering contagious diseases that you carry to a partner BEFORE engaging in any type of activity that will transmit the disease.

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  • *puts on raincoat*

    Before.

    I think it's something important enough that deserves priority, plus, it shows you're trustworthy. His reaction will also show you how he really sees you, which is also important.

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  • That's a serious issue. If you care enough about him, this needs to be addressed before sex. It should be at his discretion as to how he'd want to go about it. If he really loves you, he'll see past that & take precautions, & if he feels he needs to respect his health, then respect his decision either way.

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  • No, do not tell him before you meet. Only tell him if you plan on having sex with him while you are in his presence. You do not want anything like escalating before you meet someone. That's not good. It's good to be honest though.

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  • You have to tell him. If he becomes uninterested, then that's the way things have to go. I'm sorry you have to deal with something like that, but out of respect for the life and well - being of another human, if you really care, you will tell him.

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  • Before you meet

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  • Um the fact that you are already thinking about fucking this guy on the first date kind of says you're a slut. I'm all for friends with benefits and hookups, but you don't act like that with an actual relationship.

    Tell him before since he might reject you in person since you're already thinking about sleeping with this guy. Legally you have to anyway.

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  • Tell him now, like now.

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  • Yes. You HAVE to tell him. at least you know you're doing the right thing. He would appreciate the truth more than being lied to about it.

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    • @Update - Before.

  • Um, if you haven't actually met this guy in real life, I would highly recommend doing that first. Keep the first date non sexual (obviously).

    You should go on the date first because perhaps it won't even work out anyway, then what difference did it make whether you told him or not?

    The first date is JUST getting to know each other's personalities. I would only worry about telling a guy something that personal if it actually started looking like we were going somewhere.

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  • You should tell him. That way both a prepared and knowledgeable before the urge for sex is even present.

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