In this era, the only way a man can be attractive to a woman is by being a complete asshole. Agree?

Yeah, this has been discussed several times before but I'd like to get some insight here.

Going by the current trends, it seems like a gentleman has no chance of gaining a woman's affection because he will be mercilessly friendzoned. On the other hand, girls usually swoon over a thorough asshole who doesn't have an ounce of respect for women.

This has got nothing to with with confidence or good men being 'boring' (as is commonly perceived). Even if a man is the most confident/interesting man on earth but he isn't an asshole, he's going to end up in the friendzone.

I'm sure everyone knows about this common saying "Every woman wants a bad man who is only good to her, and every man wants a good woman who is only bad to him".

So, what do you people feel? I welcome answers from both genders. But please be honest here, because there is no point in concealing what you ACTUALLY think. Go anonymous if you want to, but just be honest. I have seen a lot of women on this site (and many men too) say that not all women go for assholes, but in the real world that's PRECISELY what's happening.

  • Yes
    6% (2)41% (12)23% (14)Vote
  • No
    87% (27)48% (14)68% (41)Vote
  • Maybe
    7% (2)11% (3)9% (5)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Girl

  • You sound bitter. And you are generalizing. No girl that has self respect and brains, would go out with an asshole.

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    • Hahaha! Why should I be bitter, when I have given up on women long ago and don't even think of them now? Its not about me anymore. This was just a general question.

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    • Thank you so much. Your words seem to have injected a small bit of hope into an emotionally dead man.

      I really have no idea where I was going wrong. I'm well respected and admired by most people who know me. I have a decent job, and I'm planning to start my own venture soon. I'm a really ambitious person as well. And I have been told often that I have an impeccable sense of humor and I'm capable of making a person in tears, laugh the next moment. I often see real jerks, who often don't have jobs, are alcoholics etc. swarmed by girls. I just don't understand what's 'missing' in me. I lead a principled life too.

      Anyway, after seeing various response to this question, I have a better insight. But it was your responses which gave me ray of hope again. I guess I will try one last time and see if there is at least ONE woman on this planet who will accept me for what I am.

    • There are really nice women out there. But also realmy mean and rude ones. Dont let them bring you down and stop you from pursuing the things you want.

      I mean, you have already gotten 2 girlfriends. They were pretty bad girls but you can't be that 'unattractive'. So good luck :) I hope you find happiness

Most Helpful Guy

  • Not really. The "complete assholes" that you mentioned have something going for them to have girls be attracted to them, like their alpha male persona. Girls don't like guys just for the fact that they are assholes. It's usually because they happen to be either better looking, tall, stronger, or just a straight alpha male. Most guys don't mind bitches as long as she's really hot and/or has really nice tits and ass.

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    • Yeah, you're spot on with your last sentence. To be frank, all this 'alpha male' bullcrap has been completely blown out of proportion. So much that now, 'asshole' and 'alpha male' can usually be used interchangeably.

      Ultimately, its the gentleman who isn't a player but just wants to settle down with a woman, is the one who ALWAYS gets the short end of the stick. Women treat him like he's the most horrible scum of the planet.

    • Well, just like many men out there who wanna have fun, women do too. It's just that they don't wanna admit to it because they are afraid to be judged.

    • The reason for it is not because they don't want to be judged. They just want to be discreet and cunning about it, so that men get all the blame while they get only sympathy in case of any issues.

What Girls Said 21

  • Why am I still single? Because I have a grudge against "assholes". I absolutely REFUSE to date an asshole or someone who will want to own, abuse, or alter me-which is what most assholes want to do with women. I don't like friend zones and I personally only believe in doing it to the same sex OR assholes. I know guys are guys and they have sex drives and could change from friend to partner and back again. I won't put a guy down based on good behavior or outward appearances-unless he's an asshole. Then he's friend zoned forever. Call me that oddball if you want I have a high standard :P

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    • Nice to know that! Apparently, now the norm is that by 'high standards', women almost always mean an asshole. Refreshing to know that you aren't one among them.

  • SO I feel that this goes for guys as well, I have always thought that guys like these complex girls, the ones who have this history, maybe bad boyfriend, or who drinks too much, like they want to save her or something. I never get noticed by guys, I'm always the cool friend who never gets asked out. I think I'm nice, funny interesting, but guys don't seem to notice.

    I personally would just like a guy to tell me if they like me... I'm too shy to do it myself... although I need to work on that. If your a gentleman, super respectful, funny... I'm yours

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    • This is a refreshing change (provided you're being honest) that at least SOME female isn't going gaga over assholes. I wonder why girls like you are so damn rare in this cruel world.

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    • Guys don't usually tend to want to fix girls. Messed up girls are generally more liberal with sex though and are easy to walk away from.

    • Ah I see. .. makes sense...

  • I know what you're talking about because I see this trend a lot. And yes, it's a trend. Look at the majority of the stories on wattpad; Bad Boy romances every where you look. In my opinion, I can't stand it. I almost literally want to shoot my phone time I come across these stories.

    As far as this question, for me, it's the other way around. I'm far too sensitive for guys who cuss in every sentence. Guys to have little compassion or concern for other people. And especially guys who're jerks to me or anyone else. These are the type of guys that get friend-zoned because generally these guys are effing hilarious.

    But when a guy is open minded and friendly, outgoing and courteous; what are your first judgements? Gay. Phony. Too good to be true. It's quite sad that we think this way.

    "Every woman wants a bad man who is only good to her" I actually go for guys like this. What good is it if the guy treats everyone except you like crap? Eventually he'll start doing the same to you.

    So yeah. I think nice guys are definitely higher on my list. It's just I sometimes also get the feeling that it's too good to be true. ORRR that if he actually liked me wouldn't he start picking on me? Or something.

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    • Wow, I never expected that a female would actually find some of my words true! There is this huge misconception amongst women that 'nice guys' translates to 'boring guys who are pushovers'. So the moment they realize that a man is being polite and respectful (without placing her on a pedestal), they dismiss him thinking that he's just one of those 'boring nice guys'.

    • I meant I actually *don't go for guys like that.
      But to me, it isn't about rather he'll be boring or pushover. It's like as soon as he's polite and respectful you wonder if he's JUST being polite and respectful. He may just treat anyone else just like this, which is a really good thing, it's just the matter does this guy see me as something more since he's treating me just as he'll treat anyone else.

      I said in another post a while ago, that generally I have the hots for nice guys. I even know a few right now that drive me crazy. It's just, I've got no clue if they'd even consider me if they had the chance.

      A while ago I was into a guy who wasn't always respectful and polite. How'd I gain some clues that he liked me? Well, he was really nice to me and was always polite and respectful to me (plus he would often stare at me intensely). It some how made me feel so amazing, like I was special to him.

  • Girl's like to put in effort to chase a little, the same as guys. You can be a bit standoffish, but go over a certain line, it becomes old quick. Girl's are complicated, bad boys (assholes) are representative of 'you can't mess with this' and girl's like the feeling we can't be messed with either, so attraction to people who are not easily influenced by others is going to occur, not to assholes.
    Just be yourself, and don't let others mess with that (not as an asshole) and you are considered more attractive, because you are not letting your environment control you, instead if you remain steady against the odds, that is attractive.
    Assholes need not apply.

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    • Hmmm... your answer is much appreciated, but I find that it strange. I mean... women have given their verdict (not too long ago) that I'm apparently not good enough for them because unlike other men, I chose to stick to my guns and didn't allow myself to become an asshole just to attract women,.

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    • Are you not seeing a common theme in the girls you dated? Called mental illness, because a few girl's have said (or implied) 'you aren't good enough' YOU choose to believe them, instead of tipping your hat and saying 'Sayonara senorita' and walking away. It is up to you to stop feeling sorry for yourself. The sexiest thing any person can wear is self confidence, and most times the ones who truly don't have it will give you the illusion they do only to take yours away. People with real self confidence (self worth) won't take anyone down, because there is no need. They have the confidence they need already. No one can take it away from you don't allow them.

    • Well... I'm not really short on confidence. My peers and colleagues usually admire my confidence, and I have spoken publicly (on several occasions) to large audiences. Besides, I also occasionally perform in a local rock/metal band as a lead vocalist (which does require confidence). With women, I'm known to be a jovial, friendly guy with a good sense of humor. Its like the women are all lovey dovey and seem to like me, but even when I give subtle hints that I want to take it forward, they put me in the dreaded friendzone. Of course, I never wish to REMAIN in a friendzone. So when this happens, I just stick up my middle finger in their faces, say "its your loss, not mine" and severe all links with them.

      But still, even though I behave all rough and tough, I get emotionally shattered and my confidence goes down a notch every time I get turned down. This is the reason I have stopped actively seeking women since ages.

  • I chose no. But You are actually correct when the women in question are
    -Damaged
    -Masochists
    -Assholes themselves.

    However that isn't the entire demographic of women, so my answer is still no.

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  • I don't even have to read the description. My answer is, and always will be, fuck no.

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  • That's pretty much the quickest route to becoming majorly unattractive to me.

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  • Nooo screw that because being an asshole is wrong that's why I feel unhappy most of the time I love him but he has his days where he can be a complete jerk to me and I can promise you I don't do anything wrong to make him flip out.

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  • I try to stay away from assholes, unfortunately, ya can't always tell them from appearance.

    Assholes are everywhere, even ''Gentlemen'' can be assholes at times. (I've met many)

    There seems to be this mentality that certain behavior is more deserving of a females affections. Not true. People just find attractive who they find attractive - there's a whole deeper process behind attractiveness and mate selection.

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    • PS: If someone were to say they respect women and they'd treat me like a Princess (just an example), I'm immediately repelled. That's not to say this is ''bad'' however, I just don't want the basis of my treatment to be because of what is between my legs. I generally feel this is treating women as a whole as a collective consciousness and in itself is disrespectful of the individual/human that I am. Just my 2 cents.

    • Nice answer, but you're getting confused with 'respecting women' and 'placing them on a pedestal'. The man who respects women is in general kind towards them, doesn't act cocky, doesn't use derogatory words and treats them as equal (and not superior or inferior). Then there are some men who like you said, place women on a pedestal and treat them like a princess (which is definitely a turn off).

  • I've said this several times before, girls THINK they want a badass/jerk but really they don't, we've just been brainwashed into thinking that we should be able to change the man, but really they can only change themselves, so no.

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  • My boyfriend is a sweety :3

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  • I don't think it's just that they are attracted to their asshole personality I think it's more because the nice guys are always too shy or too nervous to actually talk to them but I think it depends on the woman not every woman let's a man treat her any kind of way I sure don't.

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    • Nice guys aren't scared to talk to girls, but they're scared to make the first move due to the fear of rejection.

    • They're scared of something regardless and that holds them back.

  • You just have to be funny, charming and don't take offence, if they tell you what they really think of you. Laugh it off. Be receptive.

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  • That's bs. All I have dated are nice boys.

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  • i hate assholes.

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  • What? No. That's the opposite of attractive.

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  • no way. never.

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  • No I don't even speak to those type of men

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  • I agree that woman may go for the "asshole." It feels really good being the girl who he smiles for and shows his affectionate side to. To be the one who's hand he holds and buys roses for on birthdays. He may not come off as the friendliest or have things to offer in conversations he doesn't care about, but does that mean he should be generalized against. People may view his no nonsense attitude with being an asshole. But he could also just be a guy who doesn't smile or do well with casual conversation, who treats his woman like a queen. As long as he makes her happy, it doesn't matter how he's viewed by others to her. That's just my opinion as a woman accused of this with the best guy she's ever met. So yes woman date the "assholes" who aren't really assholes at all to them.

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  • I am 110% not attracted to assholes. Honestly, you could be the most attractive guy but be a jerk and I would never date you.

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  • I have to say I disagree. Sure some jerks get women, but Nice guys get to marry those girls :)

    Honestly, I prefer a nice guy who is a gentleman to a guy who is mean to me and treats me like garbage. I don't date guys who say mean things to me. The minute a guy starts acting like a jerk is the minute I walk away from the situation.

    I love it when guys hold doors open for me and treat me right. Love it!

    However, I do find that some of those guys are scared to make a move. They don't want to scare me away. It's okay to be a little bold now and then. Go in for a kiss, try holding my hand :) Don't be afraid!

    If you are finding that girls are walking away from you when you treat them right. There is something going on that makes them leave. Perhaps you are going for the wrong girls? OR maybe they just don't like your personality or don't find you compatible with them in some way?

    Sometimes too, guys trick girls into thinking they are nice. I met this guy and I really liked him. He was really nice to me, held open doors, was sweet to me, I thought I had a real winner and I was falling hard. We made out and I was thinking I had found him! But after we fooled around, he left me cold and hard. He said he felt bad, but he didn't feel like he had any feelings for me. I was heartbroken as I was pretty vulnerable with him. I told him I really liked him and what not.

    So ya, sometimes you can get tricked. If he was really nice, he wouldn't have played with my emotions and told me he liked me than after we and fooled around then told me how he really felt.

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    • Appreciate your detailed answer. But life seems too complicated. Its really unfortunate that the basic human necessity to love and be loved, has now become something which can be only experienced by a privileged few. :(

What Guys Said 12

  • You're kinda off. You need some medicine. And medicine doesn't taste good going down. But here it is: YOU are responsible for putting yourself in the friendzone. No one else.

    Women are attracted to confidence and power. The downside of this is sometimes 'asshole' behavior. Women want a guy they see as better than them. If you're not going to be better than them, you won't see a good response from a lot of them.

    You need to get rid of your bitterness and anger. If you pick up a rattlesnake, would you become bitter to rattlesnakes if it bit you? Of course not, you would understand (like you do with women) that it's their nature. There's no malice on their part. Just like we're attracted to boobs, it's part of our makeup.

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    • Its funny how people (both men and women) assume that men who aren't assholes, lack confidence. And I suppose every human being is unique in his/her own way. 'Better' or 'worse' is just a matter of perception. A good looking man might be better in the eyes of an average looking woman, or a rich man may be better for a poor woman. Every woman's view of 'better' is different, so men can't keep getting better at different things in accordance with the woman they're pursuing at different points, right? That would be ridiculous, and practically not possible.

      Anyway, this is not about me anymore. I gave up on women long back (almost 4 years ago) because I don't want to turn into an asshole. I'm a confident man with good education and an above average job. I'm neither bitter nor angry. I don't place women on a pedestal, like most other 'nice guys'. If I'm friendzoned, I just stick up my middle finger in her face, say "Its your loss, not mine" and sever all links with her.

  • Unfortunately many women will mistake being an asshole for being confident. Or they have low self-esteem and only feel comfortable around a guy who doesn't give a shit about them. It's unfortunate because everybody loses.

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    • 'Everybody loses' - nothing could be further from the truth.

    • the gentlemen lose and the women lose for dating the assholes. I guess the asshole is the winner.

  • I think it depends on what you go for. Girls usually like assholes because they are usually confident and dominant. Girls don't like nice guys because they try and manipulate situations by being nice and not being honest. All you really have to do is dress nice, exercise, be calm and collected and you could get girls.

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    • So you mean to say ALL nice man are dishonest because they're only pretending to be nice, while having some ulterior motive?

  • In this era, the only way a man can be attractive to a woman is to be hot.

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    • 'A hot asshole', actually. A hot guy who isn't an asshole still gets to date women, but the women usually don't stick with him for long. They dump him as soon as they realize that he isn't (or won't be) an asshole.

  • No. You must be handsome first. Being ugly and asshole won't get you far, but being handsome and asshole will get you very far.

    If just being an asshole alone worked then everyone would do it...

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  • Haha guys who truly believe this are funny.

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    • Its akin to saying that people who enjoy food service will only tip the waiters/waitresses that spit, piss, and shit in their food.

    • It's sad. Sometimes I see guys trying way too hard to be an asshole because they got rejected or friend zoned for being the typical "nice guy". From what I saw, they still had no such luck with women.

  • \Being an asshole isn't "attractive" but it gets you laid...

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  • You do know the girls who go for those guys are the girls you don't want right?

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  • I disagree, I'm an asshole and although I attract women, I never get with those women.

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  • I'm usually a pretty decent guy and I get a lot more female attention and interest than anyone I know. Girls that are bitches, generally need someone to dominate them and be an asshole. Girls that are not as bitchy can generally like guys that have a good heart. When you're an asshole to bitches they latch on to you and eat that shit up... When you're good to girls that aren't as much of a bitch, they try and take advantage of you eventually, then you get pissed off and they think you're an asshole... lol You can't win either way. Girls are messed up in the head.

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    • Hehehe! They weren't always this messed up. The rise of feminism as well as steep changes in gender roles have made women what they are today (in terms of preferring assholes).

    • I'm pretty sure they've always been similar. In the past though they were expected to exploit men. On the flip side, men were expected to be in charge of everything, be dominate and controlling, and beat women when they got out of line. Men have come around to being more fair I guess, but many women still feel they need to exploit men and push their buttons. A lot of them can't be happy with a good thing. They need emotional variety, even if that means getting shit canned.

  • Well I'm an asshole to everyone cause I used to be nice to girls but I was lead on by 3 girls and now I refuse to show nice guy side cause I never want to get close to any one enough to actually date them cause women are evil especially the ones that abused my kindness. I literally bent over backwards for them and I'm done now. Guys are the same my sister was hurt and she said she didn't get her now husband to like her until she became a complete b*tch to him and he loved chasing her now she wears the pants and dominates him in marriage.

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    • I have always been like the way you were earlier, and my conscience and upbringing didn't allow me change into an asshole just to get women. Not that I wanted to.

    • I know girls talk to me more now so it does work I'm only going to be an ass for 3 more years until I graduate college and then I'll start being nice again hoping I can find someone to trust but I don't think I can't trust a girl under 25 ever again lol.

  • Women like dominant men. It happens that a lot of dominant men lack empathy, so women who choose them end up being labeled "Bitches" to try and control their men.

    When there is a situation where a woman is helpless with her man, she needs a man who will stay by her and fight for her. An indecisive man, or a nice guy, might not. So she chooses the guy society labels as an "Asshole" because he is firm in his resolve. Women need this as much as men need their feminine touch.

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    • Yeah, makes sense. That means, if a guy is genuinely nice by nature but is definitely not a pushover, then he needs to forcibly change into an asshole to have a chance with women. Am I right?

    • If he has to be a complete a hole to get a woman, guess what, she isn't the right woman.

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