Date her AFTER she's slept around with the bad boys?

There is a girl I asked out about a year ago. She had just gotten out a bad relationship. At least, I think it was a bad relationship as she complained about her boyfriend constantly. She turned me down, nicely, for a date, and got back with her then ex-boyfriend. The one I mentioned above that she complained about all the time.

A year after that she is single again, and is showing interest.

I don't know if I want to date her now. I feel like she had her chance a year ago when I asked her out the first time. Though, it could just be my hurt pride. As nice as she tried to let me down, I still haven't dated since. Hurt pride is a stupid reason not to date someone in my opinion.

Still, I can't shake the feeling that she thought/thinks she can back pocket a long-term guy (me) so she can sleep around with the bad boys (her ex). Once she has sated her sexual appetite, come back to to the long-term guy later once she is ready for a long term relationship. I was ready a year ago, and its not like I was waiting for marriage!

She went back to the bad boy knowing how I felt about her. Its a a big stretch, but I feel like I was cheated on.

  • Date her.
    50% (4)12% (2)24% (6)Vote
  • Don't date her.
    50% (4)88% (15)76% (19)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
Updates:
On second thought, I was hasty on the labeling (me "nice-guy" him "bad boy"). So forget all that. The bottom line is she went back to an ex boyfriend over me, and who she ended up leaving him again anyway.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • If you have any self-respect, you wouldn't date her. There are so many girls who use guys like you to settle with after having fun with all the other guys before. Do you really wanna be like one of those clowns? Because these are the types of girls who are most likely to divorce you if you somehow run into a financial crisis later in your life. Show her that she missed out on earlier and don't worry, you'll get over her even if you can't control your feelings. As cheesy as this sounds, there are plenty of fish in the sea.

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    • Best answer to far IMO.

What Girls Said 8

  • This might sound harsh but you are being extremely immature about this. If she was in a longterm relationship how could you expect her just to jump at opportunity to date you. she still has feelings and fresh wounds tied up with another. How long did you wait to ask her out, was her breakup fresh. i don't know what you think about dating but most people don't just jump back into the dating scene after a breakup from a longterm relationship all girls complain about there boyfriends that doest , mean the relationship was necessarily bad my advice get over it everybody is not emotionally available when you are

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    • The break up was not fresh. I waited 2 months before asking her out. She even had a rebound guy. by the 3rd month I found out she was trying to get back with her ex, by the end of the 3rd month they were back together.

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    • Its just one of those social norms that bugs the ever-living hell out of me. Women get overly emotional about something small, and everyone is supposed to forgive them. Yet, if a man starts doubting himself over something small he has to "man-up" and "check his ego". Such a double standard in my opinion...

    • you then have the wrong idea of masculinity being a man is not being the toughest guy in the room or being able to hold in your emotions it's about about how you treat others trust me i love when my bf crus and he's a very manly man but like every one else things feet to him sometimes his feeling are hurt and i love seeing that side of him because it shows me he is a fully developed self aware person

  • If she didn't appreciate you the first time - why give her a second chance? Forget about her and move on.

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    • That's what I'm say'n! At least that is what logic dictates. My "heart" so to speak still carries a torch for the girl. Yes I want her, but not like this. Does it sound like I am being picky/childish because she didn't chose me the first time around?

    • I don't think you are being childish. You are just looking for somebody who appreciates you more.

    • "Appreciates me more" Yes!

  • well like with EVERY guy I've liked, I have usually shown no interest. even if he shows hints or asks me on dates. but something always comes over me and makes me want him. Maybe that's happening to her. something just popped into her brain that said she wants you. like with me, I still have no idea why I wasn't interested back then, now he's all I can think about

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  • Hello! In my opinion you should not date a girl of that kind. She likes bad boys, you are not that kind of boy I think. The best thing you should do, is to look for other girls and to stop thinking about her. HURT PRIDE? Nah. Find a girl who really makes you proud!

    Thank You~ :)

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  • She was in love with her ex I guess, so she came back with him. Even after 2months the feelings still fresh to move on to another serious long term relationship, instead she had rebounds. If she used you to forget his ex, that would of been inexcusable to you. I think she did the right thing. She didn't used you or play with your feelings and then leave you for her ex. How would you felt if she did that to you? She chose not to hurt you like that, not to break your heart. Is up to you to give her another chance or not.

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    • I think that she genuinely didn't want to hurt me... although I'm not sure if its because she is a good person, or she didn't want the stress of seeing the guy she screwed over emotionally every day at work... probably a combination of the two.

    • Probably or feel guilty.

  • She rejected you along ago, forget it find someone who is worth it :P

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  • Who the hell are you to judge someone like this? What makes you and your dick better than every other guy out there? Pluuuuuueeeaaasseeee!

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    • You're not helpful at all.

  • Everyone complains about their partner. That doesn't mean he was a "bad boy."

    Don't date her because you already hate her.

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    • She constantly referred to him as "a$$**le", I'm just making assumptions based on months of having to listen to her complain about him.

      In a big way I do hate her for not picking me instead of going back to her ex-boyfriend. If he is such an ass and get the honor of dating her, what does that make me? Worse than an ass? What did I do?

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    • "Alpha Fux, Beta Bux"... I hadn't heard about that term until now. Are there a lot of women that do that? (this may be worth a different GAG question.

    • Not really. It's something id never heard til I started hanging on GAG.

What Guys Said 9

  • well how do you feel now? do you still want to date her? just listen to your feelings, if you want to date her then try it. nothing is for certain so give it a shot.

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    • My feelings right now are not to date her, but I'm afraid that someday I'll feel differently...

    • 20 years from now you will regret what you didn't do rather than what you did do. - Mark Twain.

      im not trying to convince you to give her a chance BUUUT if you think you really might regret not doing this in the future or you feel iffy about it then really think and just see how bad it could be to just give her 1 chance only. if you're feeling 100% positive that you can go on without her then you already have you answer but if you're still wondering then think about it.

    • "... you think you really might regret not doing this in the future or you feel iffy about it then really think and just see how bad it could be to just give her 1 chance only..." that sounds good to me...

  • If I were you, I would date her, but also keep my options open.

    There's no reason that you shouldn't at least give it a chance. Some people make mistakes, and you really don't know the exact dynamics of how her relationship was with her ex. You are making a lot of assumptions here. At one point, she may have had a great relationship with her ex boyfriend and that's what kept her going back to him.

    To be honest, I don't think you should have let yourself be the guy that she complains about her boyfriend to. That's classic friendzoning. I'm assuming you moved on (which is a good thing), and now that she's split with her ex, she's starting showing interest which also sparked your attention. She could be realizing that you were the better option.

    If you do date her, don't let her complain about her ex. Make it clear that you don't want a part of that. Focus on the relationship between you two. Sleep with her yourself. If she still shows signs that she is not over her ex, tell her that you don't think you two should date and move on. Keep your options open. I'm not saying cheat on her, but talk to other girls and enjoy their company.

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    • She was a co worker, that complained to anyone within earshot about her boyfriend. We sat next to each other for almost a full year. Is that a kind of friendzoning?

    • Well if she's complaining to EVERYONE, not so much. She still is trying to find people to vent to about her boyfriend issues. Just don't get caught up it in.

  • I wouldn't. Seems like you might be a rebound or a backup boyfriend. Screw that.

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    • That's exactly one of the many points going through my head about this. Screw being her, or ANY gal's back up boyfriend.

  • Don't be second choice to anyone. Just my 2 pennies.

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  • Did she actually "sleep around" or was she just in one relationship that didn't work out? Sleeping around implies that she was easy and had sex with a lot of different guys.

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    • I know she has had multiple partners, but I can only think of 1 one-night-stand, and a couple of boyfriends/1-2 year relationships. So I think she just had sex with that one guy during the time I knew her. So maybe my question should be rephrased. She basically just chose that guy over me a year ago, and now seems to want me.

  • don't date her

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  • bro... if you want her... get her...

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  • She had her chance. There are other fish out there.

    Besides, you'd probably hold it against her in the future.

    Also, do you really want someone who's shown such bad judgement/taste in men in the past? If they want you now, what does that say about you - or about them?

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    • "Besides, you'd probably hold it against her in the future." You're probably right. It does feel like one of those things that would hang over a relationship.

      "Also, do you really want someone who's shown such bad judgement/taste in men in the past? " That doesn't seem fair. People learn about their taste in people by making bad calls. To err is human and all that. Right?

    • Some. But the older/more experienced you are, the less likely I'm willing to give you a pass on this. Was she 17? :P

      Is this the first bad-boy / toxic relationship she's been in? I'm willing to lay money on it, that it is not.

    • Nah she's 24-25. She had a birthday so I'm not sure.

      She's had other boyfriends before, but she never complained about them. I know she's supposedly friends with one of her ex-boyfriends (not the one in question).

  • I was going to ask if she picked a series of guys over you, or just went back to her ex?

    I wouldn't read much into the latter, she obviously still wasn't 'over' that relationship.

    But she apparently had a rebound guy between.

    If she wants to hook up, great, and I'd consider dating her after that if things go well. I think you're right to be concerned she might date you but isn't that enthusiastic about you in a sexual way, and you shouldn't waste your time if that's the case. If she's genuinely into you, great.

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