Most girls my age say I am not their type. I feel like I will never find someone to date. How do I deal with this loneliness?

I have never had a girlfriend and have been suffering major depression for about two years now for a lot of reasons. Within the past year I have become incredibly self-concious and starting hating myself. This all started after I tried online dating, had no luck at all, and eventually sought validation out of curiosity of what girls thought on another site. This was a huge mistake on my part because I haven't even felt like the same person since. There were so many cute girls over the course of months that I posted (It was a vicious, terrible feedback loop) that would call me ugly, unotticable, weird looking or plain and dull. Other girls said I looked genuinely creepy, particularly my eyes. Others said I looked too young, but the common phrase was "you are not my type." They would say this to me, but they seemed to have a wide range of what they found attractive because they were liking all sorts of different guys on there. I actually post here a lot now too. I'm caught in this validation seeking behavior and I really wish I knew how to handle it. I used to not care about being alone, I thought things would change, but they never did and I became so worried.

This is me: http://imgur.com/a/PJli7

It all comes down to me being extremely lonely. All of my friends don't have time for me anymore because they spend most of their time with their girlfriends. Weekends are terrible for me, I usually just stay in my room and do nothing so I don't really have much to distract me from self-deprecating thoughts. Every time I see a girl that I like, I'm afraid to talk to her and worry that she, like so many, will find me creepy or weird looking too. I know for a fact that looks matter to everyone. What should I do? All of my good inner traits are being masked by this self hate.

Plenty of girls on THIS SITE have said I look fine but I end up doubting it and think it's just people being nice. I'm sure that's not true but I'm so confused why girls in real life ignore me.


0|0
11|6

Most Helpful Girl

  • Alright I've noticed you asking a lot of these types of questions recently and I think the problem is you really need a new outlook on yourself. If you don't like yourself, people can sense that insecurity. I know because I've been through it myself. I'm 19 and people tell me I'm pretty, cute, etc. yet I've never had a boyfriend or even been asked out. I was extremely shy and insecure in high school, but now that I'm getting over that, I've slowly been making progress with boys. Like tiny baby steps. You just have to change your thoughts. It truly matters what you think about yourself. Every time you start thinking something negative about yourself, turn it around and tell yourself the opposite.

    Are you in college? If so, find what you're good at/enjoy and get involved with other people who like the same things. Join clubs and organizations that interest you. Just close your computer and go do what you love and meet people and enjoy life! It's too short to be spent alone, questioning everything about yourself. And along the way, you just might meet a girl who loves you for who you are.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Sorry this is kind of life advice, probably not what you wanted to hear. But I've been in your position and I know what's it like to hate yourself and question everything about yourself. And I'm telling you it's waste of time.

    • Show All
    • The thing is that I used to like myself plenty, and back then it still made no difference. I only started hating myself when I found out that girls hated my appearance so much.

    • What, random girls on the internet? Don't give a crap about them, it's easy to hide behind a screen and say whatever you want. They could actually be ugly old dudes for all you know haha.
      You say you used to like yourself and it made no difference, well maybe you just needed to be more obvious when you were into a girl. They might've just friendzoned you cause you didn't flirt with them or whatever and didn't make your intentions known.

What Girls Said 10

  • Looks is only one part of the equation. Repeatedly posting the same questions (I've seen you ask this at least on two other occasions) asking about how you look makes you come off as needy and insecure. That in itself is very unattractive to girls. Looks might attract someone but I think at the end of the day it's the personality and chemistry that keeps a person around. You look fine to me, would I want to date you? No. Try making a real connection with someone you are interested in.

    Pretty girls get attention from a lot of guys, if you only talk to them because of the way they look (since looks matter a lot to you) they will know. If you make an effort to get to know a girl and genuinely make them enjoy your company then things will work out for you. I wish you best of luck.

    2|0
    0|0
  • You look average to me. Probably doesn't help your case that all your pictures are practically the same. From what I've noticed American men don't do much to freshen up their looks. Try styling your hair in different ways. Experiment with different styles of clothes. Experiment with different facial hair styles. Try taking different angled pictures.

    The effort you put into your grooming are the results you're going to get back. The most attractive women, get the most men, because they work the hardest on their looks. They spend hours in the gym, the diet, they spend hundreds on makeup, skin care, and hair styling.

    Your looks will get you through the door. But yove also got to have the personality to keep women interested.

    1|0
    0|0
    • Well I can't grow facial hair well at all. I'm only average? that's pretty bad... What holds me back from being slghtly attractive in your opinion? Could I be decent looking with a nose job? I mean, average means I don't stand out at all and the average American guy looks pretty bad and is like, overweight...

    • You look incredibly plain. Your hair is plain. Your clothes are plain and you could use a few facials. I think you've got pretty eyes and your nose is fine. Just nothing sticks out about you, it doesn't look like you try or put much effort into your appearence.

  • Don't listen to those other girls, because you are a handsome guy. Everyone has their own ideas of attractiveness, it isn't a bad thing, we all have the "types" that we kind of lean towards but that can always change. No, on the scale for me you'd be an 8 out of 10. You are an individual with a unique personality and story, people aren't defined by how they look but by how they are perceived. Take that negative energy and crap from those fake (loser girls from other sites) and realize that definitions change, beauty changes over time, and look at it culturally, everyone has their own ideas of what beauty is, but what is truly important is how you view yourself. In my honest opinion, you look like a handsome man, maybe use a little more confidence, and look at it this way, so what if you get rejected by a "pretty" girl? Hey, at least you asked her out in the first place and that takes guts for guys. Just be yourself and go out, have fun and you'll meet the right person, it takes time.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Wow, they called you ugly, really? Because you are quite attractive :) I'm not just being nice, I'm being quite honest!

    Don''t listen to those girls, they are dumb.

    I think the problem you might face may be in your approach? How are you approaching these girls? Do you act in confidence (I know having confidence can be hard, especially when you face possible rejection) But try to have confidence!

    0|0
    0|0
  • dude just don't listen to those bitches... you look really nice and really cute.. maybe you could grow some facial hair... but you look really nice for sure

    0|0
    0|0
  • I don' know, you don't seem ugly to me.
    A few things though
    You should shave, your facial hair doesn't grow thick enough to really look good
    Work out, try putting on a bit of muscle mass
    dress well, at least when you got out, choose outfits that underline you figure

    As for online dating, I don't know what type of girl you go for, but try not to go for the one with loads of selfies with her in skimpy clothing. They often just want attention and they get it

    0|0
    0|0
  • Really you're fine looking. It's just that you being insecure is putting girls off. Research shows that the numer one thing most girls are loking for confidence.
    There was this video, with a boy who was heavily overweight, just stepping up to 100 random girls, being funny and confident and just all round fun
    He got the number of like 67% of the girls.
    It's not how you look, it's how you act.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Really? Girls dont find you attractive? What kinda girls u hangin round? Ur hot.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Continuing my response. I think u r very hot. Girls can be real bitches. Im sorry youve been put down so much. you're definitely my type lol

  • Be yourself, do the things you like and stop searching for the girl. Just let the things happen.

    0|0
    0|0
  • ... I like your eyes. I would imagine that they'd be very difficult to say no to. Do you want the cookie? No, you can't have it. *shoot the big brown doe eyed look* but... but... okay, cookie for you. They're really quite captivating.

    I can see how they would be daunting though. I genuinely don't see anything wrong with you. Except deriving your opinion of yourself off of what anonymous girls say online. That's mistake number one.

    People are assholes online. Take everything with a grain of salt.

    1|0
    0|0

What Guys Said 6

  • You're not ugly.

    Hair in the first pic is really making you look younger which is not helpful at your age and with your build. It looks better in the second pic. I'd still consider changing it for a cut that makes you look older.

    What's your height and weight?

    0|0
    0|0
  • First off, leave those internet sites alone. Second, just try and tell yourself that the worst she can say is "no", try and disregard all that was previously said about yourself and know that your a cool dude who deserves to be happy. Try and not be so hard on yourself and don't give up on finding a chick who likes you for you and enjoys your company. Try and develop a short memory and whenever you ask a girl out be confident and if they say no, no worries because everyone faces rejection. But the only way you'll break out of this is by not giving up on yourself and knowing that you deserve someone and deserve to be happy with someone.

    0|0
    0|0
  • You dont look bad at all man (note: im not gay). Its probably the confidence thats the problem, girls can feel doubt and low self esteem. It doesn't even matter how pretty she is, on the inside were all the same, so aproach girls as equals. I know a lot of guys that look so bad and still have girls because they have confidence in themselves. My uncle once told me: you gotta love yourself first before you can love others.
    good luck, hope you will succeed :)

    1|0
    0|0
  • you are better than those muscular dudes in the magazines. just don't give a shit about those girls.

    0|0
    0|0
  • omg you sounds so desperate posting a picture of yourself asking opinions on it. i hate people who do this and 99% of the time they look fine. YOU LOOK FINE> NORMAL> NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.

    0|0
    0|0
    • the thing is even on that website, guys always said I look fine. I used to think I looked just fine too! I don't understand why all of the girls there said otherwise. I mean gay guys would compliment me, but for some reason the girls didn't like me one bit.

    • @asker just don't give a shit about those girls. they want the so called "alpha male" guy.

  • Women find 80% of men below average looking. So dont worry about it.

    One tip. Either grow your facial hair more fully or get rid of it

    0|0
    0|0
Loading...