I wrote a question somewhat similar to this a few weeks ago, but I'm kind of rephrasing it.
I'm going to use three friends of mine as an example. Let's call them Mr. X, Mr. Y, and Ms. Z.
Mr. X is a long time friend of mine from high school. He has FAS (fetal alcohol syndrome) which has made his by virtually all accounts physically unattractive. He has had to watch over the decades his friends, myself among them, become involved in a variety of relationships, yet he is in his forties (one year younger than myself) and is a virgin. Mr. Y (more an acquaintance than a friend), while not suffering from any medical conditions I'm aware of, is by most accounts physically unattractive. His weight gain hasn't helped, but he was considered physically unattractive by most women long before he gained weight. His strategy is that he frequents strip joints and hires hookers (something that many of the dancers do on the side). He has been in one relationship that I know of, but he himself was not physically attracted to the woman. He considered sex with her a chore, not a joy. The relationship didn't last long. Then there is Ms. Z, a friend of mine who I once rejected. She is by all my male friend's accounts physically unattractive. I confess that was a huge factor in my rejecting her offer for a date. She married a man she wasn't much attracted to and is now divorced. She has told me through emails that she is very sad and alone and has admitted she has been suicidal.
Now it seems one thing to tell these people to lower their standards so that they are realistic, but it seems that unless they increase their erotic capital, the only realistic standard would be to be with someone that they do not find attractive themselves.
I think most would agree that we humans can't always control who we are physically attracted to. Why then do some people think that physically unattractive people can control who they're attracted to?
I try to understand their anguish. I do see the cruelty of it.
Most Helpful Girl
When I personally advise someone to lower their standards in that regard (which is something I rarely ever do), I do it when their standards are rather high even for people who are generally considered attractive. So what I mean by it, when I say it. is to lower their standards only so much that their new standards is still people they can feel physically attracted to.
But other than that, there's no use in settling for something that won't make you happy anyway. Whether you're alone and unhappy or with someone and unhappy - you still end up unhappy either way.
You have to elaborate to me what you mean by "erotic capital".0
- Show AllShow Less