I can't handle talking to him right now, will it make him mad?

my ex boyfriend was a dick when we broke up nearly a year ago and has tried to reach me a few times in the past two months but I haven't answered. I don't know what he wants, but I don't feel ready to handle it if he says something mean to me. we had an amazing time together, but he had commitment issues leftover from a previous relationship, big issues. I don't know if he's better now or what he wants. I kind of only want to respond if he explicitly tells me he's sorry instead of casual how are you/whats up stuff.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I know you said the answer might make you mad if it isn't the one you want, but that's life? Can't always get or hear what you want. I'd say the best thing to do is just respond. But don't say something like straight off "what are you after or what do you want?" Just talk as if they were the average joe on the street, then the real reason he wants contact may come to light just stay sharp, when people are saying something but not saying it directly may take a little longer granted but if you don't wanna ask then do that. But in my opinion I'd chat get more of an idea or I'd drive myself mad with the wondering. .. then think of something that probably isn't so. Good luck :)

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    • don't exes usually come back to get back together?

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    • Funny thing is most are told no contact should last 3 to 6 months but that's just the Internets answer hah so he may have got his thoughts together realised then wrong he may have done or what made you guys breakup and wants to fix it... but then again he may just want well ya know. I'd respond just keep it casual then you can make an educated guess also tone of voice is a big giveaway If it's a phone call. I've broken up with my ex about 4 months ago now but I still think of her but just fight the urge to text or make contact, some find it hard to truly let go. But I only would ask to genuinely see if she was ok and if she was in a relationship she was being looked after or treated well I know I should mind me own business but maybe he's after that too?

    • I don't know based on how we left things he didn't want to sound much like he cared about "checking up" on me

What Guys Said 2

  • Two observations I've had about women generally:
    1: when they apologize, the operative part of the apology is the "sharing of feelings" whereas, for us guys, it's the normalization of the relationship. If he's going to apologize for something, he'll probably just say, "I'm sorry about (whatever)" and then try not to do it again. Measure his apology by how he acts afterwards. To measure him on "sharing his feelings" is unfair.
    2: they don't mean the same thing we mean by the word "commitment". This is evidenced by your use of it here. Based on the limited context you have given, I really can't get my head around what sort of issues you could possibly be talking about.

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    • the issues he had was it was his first relationship ever and cheating was involved, he had just gotten out of it also.

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    • our relationship didn't have a label onto it, I'd say he could have put in more effort but when we were together we had such an amazing time. things ended badly when he saw me kiss another guy, it happened when I was really drunk and I didn't push the guy off, I kissed him back. I somewhat wanted to make him jealous in the moment, I admit that, but I was frustrated with his lack of commitment. in his previous relationship he ended it because he had cheated on her.

    • The label doesn't matter to the guy. What matters is you not seeking attention or entertaining offers from other guys. I said before y'all don't mean the same thing by "commitment" but I only just learned what it was. BTW, you and this girl
      www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1108927-extremely-confusing-please-answer
      should be talking to each other. Srsly, you'd be good friends, I think. If he's calling you now, he can only want to start over. I stand by what I said about apologies, though. His might not contain as many words as yours, but you should judge his by how he behaves after. That's how he'll judge yours.

  • Always weight the risks vs gains. In this case, what do you have to gain from answering him? I'm betting 'not much'. Unless you somehow truly believe he's the only one out there for you.

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    • he was mean when we were breaking up, but we things were really good besides that. I do miss him and want to fix things, but I don't know what he wants from his behavior...

What Girls Said 1

  • What would "I'm sorry" do for you. I was in a relationship once with a total jerk. Unapologetically he did some of the meanest things. It took me realizing I deserved better to walk away. I am stronger for the experience, and don't feel anything missing from my life. His apology would be well past it's due date now. I don't need it, just as much as I don't need him. I hope this helps

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    • k thanks but that doesn't answer my question, I'm glad you are free of a relationship you don't want, but I still want to save this one, your ex and mine are not the same person. he was a jerk when things ended, but not during the relationship, that was in my question.

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    • I'm scared he'll either only want to go back to some dumb casual thing or will just be mean because I bruised his ego by not responding. both would make him an asshole not worth my time I know, but it would still hurt.

    • I think you are probably an amazing girl who can get on with her life. We aren't born with rearview mirrors for a reason.

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